Does DH have OTT expectations of DC or AIBU?

[sanitychecker]

If you have DC between the ages of 8 and 15 and adult visitors arrive (our friends, not theirs), would you expect them to immediately turn off the TV or Nintendo Switch when we look into the games room and stand up to engage / shake hands with everyone? DH has just banned one of ours from the Switch now because he did not do this instantly yesterday evening. I said to DH that, although I’m not excusing bad manners, most people don’t really expect such formality and even the babysitter thinks it’s a bit OTT when she comes. DH says I should not be undermining him and has now gone off on his bike in a huff, leaving a bad atmosphere. WIBU?

Shaking their hands is OTT but I would say coming off games consoles and engaging with visitors is reasonable. Even if it only brief and then they go off again.

Mine generally pop their heads in to say hello, but it doesn’t bother me if not! Or the visitors

Did your visitors feel uncomfortable? I doubt it!!

Strange

I'd just expect them to shout hi and come through when they are ready, your husband sounds like something out thr Victorian era.

I'd expect them to acknowledge visitors because it's polite but your husband does sound ott

They should have paused the game and engaged, then if visitors weren't staying in room gone back to the game . Not to engage or acknowledge is incredibly rude. I'm not bothered about shaking hands though and if this was the first time I wouldn't be banning the switch just explaining to them. As for the babysitter it is no business of theirs and I'm not sure why you've involved them.

I expect DSD to look up and say hello from the tv/phone/game but she’s also quite shy so if it’s people she doesn’t know I give her a bit of a chance.
It also depends if your DH has repeatedly told the children in the past that it’s expected and they continually ignore the request

No we always stop and come out to say hello whoever it is. Not doing so looks bad.

Three of the DC were in the room where the Seirch etc is set up, so not in the room that the visitors were going into. The visitors know the DC anyway and just put their heads in to say “hi.” Of course I wouldn’t expect them to just carry on watching TV if people come into a room, but I said to DH that when we go to peoples houses, DC don’t generally fly down from their bedrooms, or spring to their feet as if they’re in an interview or something. This is just my observation and it can actually make people uncomfortable if things are too formal. He says I’m undermining him and being “argumentative”.

If they are adults that have come to see you, but your children know them, I would expect the adults to stick their heads in the room to say hello and the children to respond, nothing more.

If I go to visit a friend and her husband is watching football in the other room I would say hello and goodbye to him, but I wouldn't expect him to turn the game off to come and greet me.

If your guests had gone to the games room then yes your dcs should have paused their game had a little chat then returned to game when adults left the room. I dont think they need to be as formal as shaking hands unless this is a normal greeting amongst your circle. I wouldn't expect it for the babysitter though a simple hi how are you is appropriate in that case.

He says I’m undermining him and being “argumentative”.

He's being a dictatorial twat.

Only if I warned my kids ahead and told them they'd had to get off and make convo for a couple of minutes. Otherwise, no, they wouldn't. Also depends on the friends. They get along great with some of my friends who have always engaged with them, others they hardly know, so no wouldn't expect more than a pleasant Hello and smile from them if they visited.

Why are your guests even looking into the games room? Presumably they’ve come to see you and you aren’t in there? I wouldn’t expect DC in a separate room to even notice that a guest has arrived.

I think it's great your kids are being taught to be polite - so what if other kids don't do it ?

Maybe he should have communicated that to them before the guest arrived !
If grandparents are coming , I tell kids that they have to get off devices when they arrive..... it is someone coming to see all of us I tell them they have to come off but will be allowed to go back on if grown ups are just chatting , after we have all had a chat etc abd tea.....
If it’s one of my mates come over for dinner, then no I do not expect them to do what you’re DH has ...... but I would have a masssu e issue with him telling g me I was argumentative because I didn’t agree with his draconian punishment

So you're not allowed to disagree with your husband?

To be honest if the friend is a friend of the family we would expect the kids to get off the screens to come and spend some time with the friend. But if they were friends of ours alone, then I would expect the kids to come and say hello then they could go and play again as long as it wasn't in the room we were in.

He's a prick, why do you let him do this?

No. I'd expect them to say hello and then get back to what they were doing.

I think they should acknowledge visitors, they should pause the game, and welcome them and say hello, eye contact etc. Maybe not shake hands, that you could probably work out with your DH about physical contact is it necessary etc, depends on the guest. But they should acknowledge and not just have one eye on the tv waiting to unpause it as that is rude too.

I would actually love it if my DH was proactive enough to read poor social situations from the kids (they are kids they are learning) and address it with removing the switch. My DH wouldn't probably notice and I would be cringing inside that my children hadn't stopped what they were doing to say hello.

Expect a 15 year old to engage with people who are not their own friends? Sounds like he is finding dealing with a teen hard .....well all kids hard. Of course it is polite for dc to say hello but who were the visitors coming to see ....you and DH or DC. Honestly unless they are warned someone’s coming it’s BU ......they were playing games and most adults wouldn’t bat an eyelid at not being acknowledged by kids playing games.

That is how I was brought up, that it would be incredibly to continue what you are doing, and that you should stop and have a quick chat. So I am baffled by the idea the people think that's weird.

But I guess would only call for a punishment if I had told them before specifically.

Of course they should stand up, acknowledge the guest and chat for a minute or two before going back to whatever they are doing. Mine would shake hands

I'd expect them to pause the game to say hi and reply to any questions (how are you etc) if guests were there. Basic manners surely. A handshake is unnecessary imo.

I'm with everyone who's saying yes, your children should acknowledge the visitors by at least making eye contact and saying "Hello" to them (their world won't end if they pause their activity, whatever it is, for the amount of time that takes!) but formally standing up and shaking hands to greet them? No, that's not necessary. Especially if they're well-known family friends who are familiar with the children, and have been, over and extended time.

My DH just looked at me with a very quizzical look when I said what the dilemma was - and he's quite old-school about manners (as I am) so if he thinks it's OTT it is!