Does DH have OTT expectations of DC or AIBU?

[sanitychecker]

If you have DC between the ages of 8 and 15 and adult visitors arrive (our friends, not theirs), would you expect them to immediately turn off the TV or Nintendo Switch when we look into the games room and stand up to engage / shake hands with everyone? DH has just banned one of ours from the Switch now because he did not do this instantly yesterday evening. I said to DH that, although I’m not excusing bad manners, most people don’t really expect such formality and even the babysitter thinks it’s a bit OTT when she comes. DH says I should not be undermining him and has now gone off on his bike in a huff, leaving a bad atmosphere. WIBU?

The cultures and sub-segments of society who encourage kids to engage with adults in the way Op’s DP does, tend to produce more successful adults.

If the guest just sticks their head round the door for a quick hi then all I'd expect is for the DC to pause their game, turn their heads, say hi, and everyone to then get on. At most if guest asked them how they were (or other inane conversation) then I'd expect them to respond, but standing up and shaking hands?

Ditto.

Saying hello/acknowledging the guest, yes. Shaking hands? No. I'd think it very bizarre if someone in the age groups mentioned here did that.

Shaking hands is bonkers OTT. Are you royalty?!

When I go to my bil's house, I always think the DC are out. When we leave, their dad will call them down to say hello! They've been on their games in their rooms. I do find this stunningly anti-social/rude.

I'm with your dh on this apart from the shaking hands. Your ds's behaviour seems to have deteriorated from expected family standards since he started playing Fortnite so I understand why your dh has come down hard on him.

sounds like he’s acting like an ass

It's a good way to raise them, but he should really be living what he's trying to impart, and they will learn that way. When they're older and it's more normal then, they will do as he does. Teenagers having to stand on formality is just a bit odd.

I have 2 dc in that age bracket. I do expect them to appear and say hello when expected guests arrive. If it's dinner guests I generally expect them to make polite conversation over drinks beforehand even if they are not joining us for the meal. If it is someone dropping in unannounced then, if they put their head around the door to say hello I expect them to pause whatever they are doing and say hello. In terms of greeting an adult (handshake/kiss etc) or making small talk, I expect them to pick up the social cues from the adult. They are children and therefore should not initiate shaking hands etc with an adult but should respond promptly if a hand is held out etc.

Shaking hands isn't bonkers if that's the norm within your social circle - it's fairly typical in professional circles/households.

My kids have known some of our adult friends since they were toddlers. Some are their informal godparents or named guardians on our wills. When they shake hands it's not a kind of stand-in-front-and-bow-Jacob-Rees-Mogg-style handshake, it's a genuinely warm greeting, sometimes with a hand on the shoulder and a bit of banter from the adult.
These are the adults who might give them some work experience in the future/ write them a reference/ practice interview skills with them/ offer them advice about something parents can't.

Cherries is right - when you interview young people (as I have been doing recently for a graduate job) you can spot immediately the kids from the sorts of cultures and parents who encourage these kinds of manners. I don't think our kids are too bad, but I am always blown away by the absolutely impeccable manners of the teenage children of our Indian friends who will take coats, offer drinks and make interesting and mature conversation with guests before quitely disappearing. They will go far in life, I feel sure, with such excellent social skills.