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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I have a cf

352 replies

Ourmaud · 13/01/2019 00:09

So we live in a cul de sac and facing the road is our driveway and side garden. Front door is on the other side. For a few weeks I’ve been noticing the same car driving up blocking the dropped kerb for our drive and a lady getting out and having a fag sitting on our garden wall.
That’s fine, I haven’t needed to go out when she’s been there. Her habit isn’t affecting me.
This week I was picking up the dogs mess and noticed that there’s tons of fag butts in my garden. She’s obviously just been slinging them over the fence.
Today I waited till she arrived and I went out to her to ask her to take her rubbish with her and not throw them in my garden. She told me to get fucked and she will do what she likes.
I didn’t really have any comeback for that so scuttled back inside.
Being both a coward and a nosy bitch I jotted down her car reg. Lo and behold the DVLA website says it’s not mot’d.
WIBU to tip off whoever enforces those things next time I spot her? She’s pretty regular time wise.

OP posts:
Bringbackthestripes · 13/01/2019 09:22

Does she always come on the same day? Just wondering how long until we hear an update on how she reacted to stinky trousers Grin

howabout · 13/01/2019 09:22

Reckon she is using your cul de sac for 5 minutes peace and a fag. Therefore best approach is probably to go out and make conversation with her every time you see her. Completely ruin her peace and also quite difficult to have the gall to put fag butts in someone's garden when they are standing shooting the breeze with you.

This is my approach when the local school children take to using the bench in my garden.

overandunder9 · 13/01/2019 09:22

Yep, dog turds.

Notwiththeseknees · 13/01/2019 09:25

Make her a massive ashtray and write Mumsnet CF of the Week on it?

TimeIhadaNamechange · 13/01/2019 09:26

If you know when she'll be there all you have to do is set up the sprinkler there before she arrives. That way she won't get wet, so will have no legitimate reason to argue with you, but you still avoid the fag ends.

And report her car.

Original poster
Ourmaud · 13/01/2019 09:28

Dh has put the kybosh on using his fish stuff- he doesn’t want every cat in the county frolicking in the yard. Also she looks like she’d kick my head in so that’s out because I kinda enjoy my head as it is. I’ve sent an email to the council re the littering and one to the police about the mot with her reg. I’m not holding much hope anything will come of it but I’ll update if there is anything to report

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 13/01/2019 09:28

What's your priority here (apart from you haven't given us a Diagram) Grin

You can't do the reporting of the MOT and the fence alteration at the same time she will twig.

You could:

park your car there so she cannot (you're de-weeding the drive)

Put Vaseline on the metal work of the fence . Its pretty invisible , non toxic and stays put . You're protecting the fence against nappy rash rust

Sprinklers on a timer - yes . (but more for summer , hopefully she'll be gone then)

Can you let the dogs out when she arrives? If you could persuade them to have a manking big dump (in your garden so perfectly legal) just by the fence ......

And after a respectable interval, the MOT reporting.

Gotthetshirt23 · 13/01/2019 09:31

Not worth reporting an untaxed vehicle! I reported one by us (parked on road ) daily for weeks . Eventually called police and it wasn't insured and was only previous keeper details and they would only do something if it was being driven. I reported it as "abandoned" to the local council and it was gone in days .

SummerStrong · 13/01/2019 09:35

This car is being driven though, daily.

Stuckmom · 13/01/2019 09:36

It would be amazing if your dog could poo on demand right by the wall when she is having a smoke... Do you want to borrow my dog he is 55 kilo, and at that size it doesnt take much to imagine the size of his turds...... 😂
He also love to pop a squat and turd at the most inappropriate times and places.... think outside a beach front cafe while people are eating, infront of the local mp or a police officer.... yep that's him! (I always pick up obviously and swish area woth water as i carry a litre bottle with me) but I die a little inside every time we are out in public... so embarrassing 😳😳😳

eggsandwich · 13/01/2019 09:42

My neighbour did this with their cigarette butts, I pickes them up and posted them through their letterbox, they never did it again,

Returnofthesmileybar · 13/01/2019 09:43

Everytime she comes just go out and sit beside her, say nothing, just manicly smile and stare at her. Every single time, it will freak her out and she'll find someone else's wall.

Either that or leave her be for a while, collect her fag butts, and when pulls up, tip them all over her roof. It's a bit more confrontational and I wouldn't do it myself but if you have it in you it might work Grin

The first one will work though, it will put a stop to her fag in peace and annoy her

Blockyiursekf · 13/01/2019 09:46

Similar thing happened with my parents. The police advised them to get horse dung and spread it on the wall and the other side. The smell and sight was enough of a deterrent, worked perfectly.

Notwiththeseknees · 13/01/2019 09:49

You could always draw the curtains and then start obviously 'peeping' a la Mickey Flanagan :D

Juells · 13/01/2019 09:51

The police advised them to get horse dung and spread it on the wall and the other side.

She has a ready supply of dog poo though 😅

Blockyiursekf · 13/01/2019 09:53

Dog poo will smell even worse as well!!

bionicnemonic · 13/01/2019 09:53

ThePoliticiansPraiseMyName
Sprinkler idea made me chuckle!

trulybadlydeeply · 13/01/2019 09:54

Smother her with kindness. Every single time she is there, pop out with a cup of coffee, a sandwich, an umbrella if it's raining, a blanket if it's cold. Say you're sorry you upset her last time and you want to be friends. Best friends.

GOTBackThisYear · 13/01/2019 09:54

This reminds me of my PIl's neighbours. Their adult children used to park up on their drive and throw their fag ends over the small wall into PIL's beautifully manicured garden. Fil was furious finding fag ends every day and thought it was smoker MIL who of course denied it. Then day he happened to be by the window and watched the neighbour kid get out her car, throw her fag end over then empty her entire car ash tray directly over the wall. He yelled at her but it didn't stop, even after he spoke to her parents. So ha saved fag ends for months and dumped the whole stinking wet rotting lot over her wall, car, everywhere.

cuppycakey · 13/01/2019 09:55

RedDeadRoach Speak for yourself Grin

I have been known to do these types of things when faced with CFuckery.

It's a shame DH won't let you use his fishy stuff but I am wondering if her bark isn't worse than her bite. It's entirely possible she won't come back again - there may be other walls she can lean upon.

At least you have some ideas up your sleeve now if she does dare to return.

GOTBackThisYear · 13/01/2019 09:56

OP, just put Vaseline on your fence. If she does get mad it's her own bloody fault and she can have a police record too. The no MOT thing is a given though. Anyone driving a vehicle illegally should be reported, no matter what.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 13/01/2019 09:57

Horse poo is a good idea though, you can get a huuuge amount (ask a local stable , get a bagful of fresh dung) , it will break down into the garden soil.

Its not in the least bit weird (ok, yes it is) but more explainable than a load of dog pooh (which your NDN will object too)

FreshlyWashed · 13/01/2019 09:58

She's not a CF, she's a rather unpleasant woman.

Kemer2018 · 13/01/2019 10:00

Do it. She deserves it.

HariboLecter · 13/01/2019 10:00

Save the butts - use them to write FUCK OFF where she parks.