To think a car belongs to the family not the person who drives it?

[bubblegumunicorn]

That really my DH is unable to drive due to disability and because of this he has decided he will not help me buy a car for our family and I need to do that on my own. He has a lot more money than me and has said he will help out here and there but will not cover that cost of a car we also have DC1 on the way so this is going to be a very expensive year financially and I don't really want to get a loan out for a car when he has enough in the bank to buy one. I just really want to know which one of us is being unreasonable in this situation.

Does he agree you need a car? I don't really understand rhe mortgage thing either, was it supposed to be till you've paid as much as he has? Why is it still going on? Why are you with him and now having a child with him?

You are married, it's impossible for one of you to have more money than the other. It's family money whether your dh agrees or not

That's really not the reality for most people, and no court is going to enforce a marriage to work like that, so stop being silly.

Instead of a loan for a car, I’d be taking out a loan for the deposit he paid on the house. Give it back to him and tell him to fuck off.

Who will pay for the dcs toys and clothes? Who will pay for the childcare?

Why are you allowing yourself to be financially abused by this utter arsehole? What was the POINT of marrying him ?!
My DH earns twice what I do but we share everything, all financial decisions are made as a couple. I wouldn't have married anyone who wasn't prepared to treat me as an equal.
LTB

PS And you are having a child with this fuckwit?? Seriously, read these posts back through and think about your life...

I'd sell the house, buy a car and leave.

Also, stingyness is a deeply unattractive trait in a person. How do you go to bed with someone who thinks this little of you?
You deserve so much more x

I think people can have seperate money if they had it before, seperate savings even but there should be a household budget and some evening up of incomes. If some of his income is disability allowance that should be taken into account, he may need it for extra expenses.
Make sure you claim child benefit. It doesn't matter what you do but it should be fair.
I paid for my car, but we both use it and pay car related expenses from joint account, it's my car to sell, but also help pay for some dp expenses
You need to have a serious talk

What was it that first attracted you to him?

DH and I have sperate cars paid for individually.

I'm with RomanyRoots
Its not his money and your money, surely everything belongs to both of you? Your husband sounds like a complete knob to me.
Does he have any good points?

DH and I have sperate cars paid for individually

So do we, but I don't see how it's relevant to the ops situation,they will have only one car and he will expect her to drive him round and they are for some reason, having a child together.

So why are you paying the mortgage solely when you’ve exceeded his contribution?

I’m a little lost, he has more money than you and won’t contribute to a car yet you are married with a child on the way? Any money should be considered family money, yours and mine does not work, not to this extent anyway.

I think you have far bigger fish to fry than buying a car, why the hell are you having a child with this man? Are you going to have to “survive” on mat pay when he’s living like a king under the same roof? Does he write labels on his food in the fridge too? Value stuff for you, taste the difference for him?

The mind boggles.

Its not his money and your money, surely everything belongs to both of you

You both need to spend some time on mumsnet if you think this is how the world works. Plenty of marriages don't work like this and both parties are happy with it.

I'm so glad this thread exists so I can show my husband!

When I first passed, I got a car for my own commute - still preferred train for long journeys, he'd pay for petrol on joint trips, but the car was 99% for my benefit.

Now I walk to work, and we need a car for householdy picking up, don't really get the train any more. He's still not passed his test, but is learning, and would use a car to commute most days.

To me, our new car would be best bought by pooled cash to buy the car that suits him - I'd be the one to drive it, and he'd take over as main user when he passes. He's yet to even convinced.

What is wrong with all these men? I mean seriously, wtaf? I don't work because of disability and having a child with SN. My income is very low. My DH would sell the shirt off his back to get me a car (or anything else for that matter) if I told him I needed it.

Your husband is a selfish, tight fisted prick.

This is so sad :(

Do you not have a joint account for all your living expenses?

What’s the maternity/paternity plan? How has he been in terms of purchasing aaaaaall the things that will be needed for the baby?

If you need, say, a breast pump, will you have to buy that from exclusively “your” money?

You don't have to have all joint finances, but you do have to work together financially. Household and family expenses, including the mortgage, anything for the child, and other things which benefit you both need to be paid for by both of you. The precise proportions you each contribute is up for discussion. Some reasonable solutions are: both contribute the same % of your income, both have the same individual disposable income left, both contribute the same amount. Unreasonable solutions are: one person only paying for things they directly benefit from, one person 'helping out here and there', one person having to be asked for money.

Its not his money and your money, surely everything belongs to both of you

You both need to spend some time on mumsnet if you think this is how the world works. Plenty of marriages don't work like this and both parties are happy with it.

Well, firstly, a divorce court would beg to differ on that. And secondly, the OP clearly isn't happy with it, hence her post.

Ah, fuck. This is financial abuse, op, not selfishness.

How long have you been so isolated?

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

You pay for the mortgage, you will be paying for the car. Well life will be financially easier for you when he's paying you maintenance after he's gone, won't it.

If he insists on this state of affairs, you need to be charging him for lifts - for your time, petrol, wear and tear and so on. Like a bloody taxi. Is this how you thought marriage would turn out?

And if it's his turn to do the grocery shop, he can sort out lugging everything home on the bus. Don't you be doing it "because it's easier as you have the car."