To think a car belongs to the family not the person who drives it?

[bubblegumunicorn]

That really my DH is unable to drive due to disability and because of this he has decided he will not help me buy a car for our family and I need to do that on my own. He has a lot more money than me and has said he will help out here and there but will not cover that cost of a car we also have DC1 on the way so this is going to be a very expensive year financially and I don't really want to get a loan out for a car when he has enough in the bank to buy one. I just really want to know which one of us is being unreasonable in this situation.

Honestly the car is the least of your problems. Is the child going to be your sole financial responsibility also?

we both own the house but so far I've paid every mortgage payment because and I quote he paid the deposit

why on earth are you with this guy? Why are you having a child with him?

Christ. Just read your update. What redeeming features does he have, because from what you've written. It will get much worse when the baby's here. Will you have to finance your child alone? I say leave him

What a stingy fuck. Kick him out.

Eugh. What a twat.

Do you like being married to him?

Cross post...

I'd tell him to get his act together and help pay for the car and half the mortgage.

If he doesn't tell him (and mean it) that you'll leave him and he can bloody well contribute through paying maintenance.

He sounds bloody awful OP.

Goodness OP, this isn’t going to get better when you only have your maternity pay coming in.

If you’re not going to leave him right away, then google “financial abuse” and make sure you are on good terms with a couple of friends or family members who will be willing to come and get you out of there when you need it and are ready to go.

Tight-fisted people don’t get better, I’m afraid.

LTB
Why the fuck are you still paying all the mortgage if you have already matched his deposit?
Why the fuck did you marry the dickhead?

Why are you having a baby with someone you can't agree basic financial decisions with?

What a tight bastard. Has he got any good points?

So he is more than happy to see you struggle without a car. What a guy

I agree with everyone else, the car is the least of your worries. He attitude is uncaring and quite abusive.

Whatever you do, OP, don't be tempted to give up your job when the baby comes. He doesn't treat you as an equal now so if you become a SAHM it will all be "his" money and he will be in total control. What a selfish twat.

If I were you I would start squirreling away whatever I could in preparation to leave the bastard.

You have major problems here. The last thing you should be doing is having a child with this man - but I realise the horse has already bolted on that one. Let me guess, you also do the majority of the cooking, cleaning and "wife work"?

Personally I would leave him, file for divorce and make sure the solicitor knows about the massive financial inequality you've suffered.

I have told him he can get the bus if he's not going to contribute to it we live in a tiny village with buses coming through twice an hour last one is at 8pm first at 8am outside of those times you're trapped!

What was his response?

And what about your aby, who you will be driving about? Is baby not a shared expense?

Sounds like he won't change, I would leave him.

He is benefitting from every mortgage payment you're making.

I agree, OP that's just not a partnership either emotionally or financially.

Don't drive him then. Twat. My DH can't drive either, and to be fair to him doesn't expect lifts, but of course I drive him places,because I love him and I don't mind. What's his is mine and he's actually paying back my car loan from his wages, and I pay the insurance and most of the repairs, unless it's a huge one. If he expected me to shoulder 100% of the cost then he'd never be setting foot in my car!

And I do call it "my car" but really, of course it is ours, and if DH is able to drive again then of course he will

OP, I’m sorry, but you’re married to a selfish prick. Best thing for you is to LTB.

Buy the car, put your things in it and drive away OP. There are some serious problems here.

YOU buy a car and YOU use it to get away from this selfish entitled TWAT

Awful financial abuse

So you will pay for the mortgage and the car - how is that 50/50

I would get legal advice and leave

Just read your post re the mortgage. Christ OP, you're a mug if you stand for that

Huge red flags all over this- the car is a small part of a very worrying picture!

Whatever you do, don't give up your job.

Realistically, if you're having children together you need to come up with a sensible way forward for pooling finances- what happens when you're on maternity leave? Does he expect you to find the money for the mortgage, car etc then?

Otherwise, you're going to get into a ridiculous system of financial transactions very quickly. He will need to pay you as a full-time nanny while you are on maternity leave. He will need to pay taxi fares whenever you take him anywhere in the car, or use it to benefit the household e.g. buying groceries or taking his baby anywhere.

It sounds as though your husband is financially abusive. Keep your savings, make sure you have access to money while you are on maternity leave, and make sure you have access to all bank accounts.

So what’s the plan when you’re on maternity leave? Who will pay the mortgage? Him? And will he let you live in the house while he is doing that?

Who will pay for childcare when you return to work?

Oh Love - you have waaaay bigger issues than a car! Good luck

I don't drive but all car expenses are covered by our joint income because DH drives me around!
No way in a million years would I regard those costs as his alone, and I am as thrifty as they come!

Your DH is a total twat and given the mortgage situation on top I think I'd be rethinking the marriage if I were you.