Two weeks ago a very close relative developed sepsis and died within 48 hours. I was thankfully home for the holidays and was able to be with my relative the whole time. The process of watching her die an excruciating death coupled with how unexpected it was has left me devastated but what has also surprised me is the lack of support that I received from my best friend of 25 years.
Best friend knew my relative well and knows how close I was to my relative. When my relative was admitted to the ICU, I messaged my best friend to tell her that I was staying in town and would by my relative's side until she passed. Best friend (who lives 10 minutes from the hospital) responded with "I'm sorry." I didn't hear from her again until I messaged her 48 hours later to tell her my relative had passed away and that I was in shock and devested. Best friend responded by saying "I am sorry, I know how you feel because I have had a bad day too." I was shocked by her message and couldn't believe that she was equating a bad day to the death of my relative (turns out best friend was just stressed over about work). At this point, I was inconsolable with grief and didn't have the mindset to respond to what I felt was an inconsiderate message, and so I did not respond.
Four days later she sent me a message asking if I could help her pick out furniture for her new house, she ended the message by saying "hope you're feeling better!" I ignored her request to help her pick out furniture and instead said "thank you for asking, I am not feeling better. I am devasted and in shock and just trying to keep it together to help my family deal with the legal aspects of the passing and plan the funeral." Best friend responded by saying "I am sorry, does it help to know that other people in the world are suffering too." I felt the message was again minimising what I was going through and was not comforting at all.
Best friend works in mental health (she is a therapist) and she has also experienced the grief of losing close family members, so this isn't the case of her not knowing how to respond correctly or not understanding what grief feels like. I don't feel as if her messages are a real attempt at expressing condolence because they seem to centre on her (her bad day, her furniture and I am just an afterthought). When I reflect on the relationship I can see a pattern of this behaviour where when we get together she focuses on talking about her life and her problems, and she doesn't ask questions about me or my life. These are things that I have laughed off in the past, but now I can't seem to get past it.
What I am trying to figure out is if I am blowing this out of proportion? And if not, should I say something to her or should I ignore it?