Husband ate my supper.

[xmaspresent]

It was my first day back at work today and my sons first day at nursery today. It's been a bit emotionally taxing and so I was looking forward to a relaxing Friday night treat of a glass of wine and a pizza in front of the TV with my DH. It took a while to nurse my baby son to sleep(after a big day), so after having lovely pizza-y aromas wafting up the stairs, I was pretty hungry. I arrived downstairs to find that my husband had already tucked in to the wine and pizza leaving only three small slices (one of those long gourmet pizza platter things). I was already a bit pissed off at the point. I literally only managed a slurp of wine and one slice of pizza before having to go up resettle my son. When I re-emerged downstairs, DH had scoffed the lot. Cupboards otherwise bare, not even toast. When challenged, I only got an 'ohh...sorry' and just went back to reading his paper. I'm so pissed off that I've gone to bed early on an empty stomach rather than sit in the same room as him.

It's hard to know what to say when you ask how you can deal with your husband's issues. Refusing to acknowledge when he's done wrong and blaming and deflecting rather than accept responsibility is incredibly immature and cruel.

@poppiesallykatie I have The Chair , and eat 'out of date' food, and also get The Rage when I hear of people throwing away food a day past its sell by. Supermarkets love those people!

OP, I was once with someone like this. When we ate together with my (not his) DC - he'd take massive portions of food, leaving not enough for the rest of us. He also became EA, and quite controlling. We never lived together, so fortunately was easy to bin.

Don't let his greed and lack of thought for you escalate.

I'm here waiting for pictures of your apology breakfast in bed and will be annoyed if there are none

Utter bellend. Leave quick op.

Are you normally so passive op? Cos that guy would be dead in the chair if he lived with me!

Sounds like a minor misunderstanding. Women are often so dramatic about food.

If it happened to me, I would make some toast and get over it pretty quickly.

He was hungry, it was probably a small pizza, he probably thought she was done with it, she didn't ask for any to be left for her. Sure, a more thoughtful person might have left some, but this sounds like a lack of communication and passive agressiveness now turning into an argument where both people feel wronged.

The difference is that when I came back down and pointed out what he'd done he called himself an arse and cooked me another dinner

Exactly if it was a genuine mistake he would have at least apologised.

@showmeshoyu I think you're on your own with that opinion!

I didn't see this thread last night. I hope there's been a huge apology this morning.

"I don’t for a second believe he actually ate it out of spite for missing out on my (rather bland) baby intended pesto pasta."

Well it's good that it wasn't deliberate, but a bit shit that he mentioned the pasta.

It is of course possible that he thought you'd had enough Op, but since by the time you'd had any he'd already had most, it would have been nice of him to check.

It's just so thoughtless.

And the not apologising & offering to make amends is just so childish.

Not sure how to deal with it though.

Would he have treated someone else in the same way?

Might that make him think about it?

What an utter dick.
Id be fuming.

asaisy, I consider myself and DH to have fairly big appetites but we can't eat a pizza each. Often just 1 is too much for both of us

LTB

er I would have said something the first time! It doesn’t excuse his shit behaviour but don’t be a doormat.

How do you deal with this? How can I get him to recognise this?

You stay calm and reiterate the original point. You cannot make him recognise anything but you can stay calm. It’ll drive him mad.

“Dh, you ate all of my dinner, that is what I am cross about. And you didn’t even think to replace it. I find that selfish”.

Stay calm but deliver the message. Don’t let him push you, confuse you and make you really angry as you’ll just be seen as over reacting.

Also why have you got no food in the house? No bread, eggs, beans, crackers etc?

Now you're back at work, make sure the childcare gets split in half. He needs to be doing as much as he can overnight (I appreciate you're breastfeeding, but he could do nappies), you need half the lie-ins, and he needs to do half the settling at night (baby cries when he does it because it's not normal - it needs to become normal). Next time someone has a disrupted meal, it's his turn.

And also half the cooking... which he could start tonight.

One pizza for dinner between two adults seems very little . Also why is there no other food in the house except tinned tomatoes and quality street ?
You both knew that you were going back to work today so you and your dh should have organized yourself re buying groceries and thinking about evening meals for when you both get home after a long days work. Otherwise life is going to be very stressful.

What makes it especially terrible is that he took food from the person feeding his child with her body. I mean FFS would he drink the child's formula? You need that pizza.

This! What an absolute bell end

StreetwiseHercules did you not read the OP's post? She said the cupboards are bare, no toast!

I'm a hoarder and a feeder so this would never happen in our house. Always shit loads of food.

It is ludicrous that two working adults and parents have no store cupboard things in or stuff in the freezer.

“did you not read the OP's post? She said the cupboards are bare, no toast!”

Yes, but just go to the patrol station and get bread.

It does my nut in when people complain about stuff and there is an obvious and easy solution. Just get on with it.

Gosh us silly wimmen being so over dramatic about waiting to eat the meal we'd looked forward to!
Your DH is a selfish fucker and you need to spell that out for him.
Then get yourself so food that you fancy, just for you and tell him that under no circumstances is he to take any of it. Have something that is yours for a change, or will do your soul the world of good.

It’s happened to me the other way around plenty of times. I didn’t get angry at all. Quickly organised myself something else to eat and moved on.

To me, why the cupboards were bare and if you could have got yourself something else was completely irrelevant.

There was one pizza planned for dinner. He knew you were sharing it. He was hungry and rather than get himself something extra he decided to eat his dinner and your dinner. So he gets a nice dinner, and fuck you, you can go out at 9pm after your first day back at work and your own thanks as I fancy finishing yours.

Completely selfish. It's your main meal, it's hardly the same as finishing a packet of biscuits.

The arguing thing - he doesn't know how to listen to you or how to disagree without apportioning blame and this makes him defensive. You should be able to both have 'when you do this it makes me feel x' conversations. You could day you want to improve communication between you and Google some tips or get some help

Was it even about the food? Has he a secret hump about you going back to work?