Husband ate my supper.

[xmaspresent]

It was my first day back at work today and my sons first day at nursery today. It's been a bit emotionally taxing and so I was looking forward to a relaxing Friday night treat of a glass of wine and a pizza in front of the TV with my DH. It took a while to nurse my baby son to sleep(after a big day), so after having lovely pizza-y aromas wafting up the stairs, I was pretty hungry. I arrived downstairs to find that my husband had already tucked in to the wine and pizza leaving only three small slices (one of those long gourmet pizza platter things). I was already a bit pissed off at the point. I literally only managed a slurp of wine and one slice of pizza before having to go up resettle my son. When I re-emerged downstairs, DH had scoffed the lot. Cupboards otherwise bare, not even toast. When challenged, I only got an 'ohh...sorry' and just went back to reading his paper. I'm so pissed off that I've gone to bed early on an empty stomach rather than sit in the same room as him.

The poor lamb must have been very hungry after a hard week - NOT.

What goes around comes around. My DH used to regularly order a full 12 inch pizza and eat it all himself. This meant I had to get an extra smaller pizza with some of it always wasted, unless he decided to eat this as well.

Turns out he has become a diabetic and high carb foods like pizza are now banned from our house. (Not fair for me to have it when he cannot afford to eat it anymore). He has also had to give up the beer and white bread, which was only ever purchased to indulge his large appetite.

On the plus side we have both lost weight and the shopping bills are a bit lighter.

Do wake him with a swift kick to the testicular region, won't you.

Yep I'm with @DeaflySilence: If it walks and talks locks itself in the spare bedroom like a twat, it is definitely a twat.

Someone mentioned the word gaslighting. I’m not sure if that’s the term I’d use to describe DH’s behaviour but I do often find that in situations where DH is clearly in the wrong and I’m pissed as a result that rather than recognising his own behaviour and apologising that he views himself as the victim (i.e I’m being “cross at him” the implication being that he’s done nothing wrong and that I’m just being irrationally cross) or he twists it so that I’m the one in the wrong not him. How do you deal with this? How can I get him to recognise this?

Just tell him that he’s playing the victim when he’s the one in the wrong.

He behaved selfishly/inconsiderately
When challenged, tried to deflect the situation on to you
Is now giving you the passive-aggressive cold shoulder and creating a nasty atmosphere

And he does all this on your first day back at work after maternity leave when you still have a breastfed baby who requires settling multiple times per night (i.e. a normal infant, nothing implied by any of that)

I don't think you deserve to be treated like this OP

To be honest I'd be banging on his door right now. Then either every half hour or every time the baby stirred.if you don't get to sleep. Neither does he. And don't fucking make any food for him tomorrow either. I am so cross on your behalf. Mind you my dh has pissed me off today too so i might be a bit ragey anyway.

Eh what? He ate your pizza and he's pissed off with you because you called him out on it and his lame ass apology (ie - going oh sorry, not sorting out replacement dinner, happy for you to go hungry)?! And he turned it round on you so he looks like the injured party?

Da fuck? You say he's not normally a knob but jeez, he sure is acting like one. Off to sulk, so probably going to give you the silent treatment until you apologise to HIM, for what? Wanting your own dinner?!

Why is it so hard to say "you know what, I fucked up, let me make it up to you".

You're sure he didn't eat the pizza as a "fuck you too" gesture?

You're not on equal footing here. You are feeding your (yours and his) baby and you need something more substantial than Quality Street. Next time you go up to nurse the baby, take your meal with you.

I think I'm more irritated than you. I'd never steal a meal from a nursing mother, or let anyone else. What a dick.

Does he find other ways to manipulate you/punish you for challenging him? It's not great as a general pattern of behaviour.

Now I want pizza ( yes envy at op's husband)

Missing the point, and I am not rich, but. I have 2 freezers full of food, There is never an empty hole. I have marmalade 5 years out of date and I still use it every now and then. Cheese, the date just does not matter, it tastes better even. I do throw out meat (to my dogs) if I smell the turn. I had guests over Christmas and they informed me they had thrown out an 8-pack of muller yoghurts (a day out of date) and a block of cheese (kilmeaden cheddar). I was really annoyed and said so too. Surely I cannot be the only one? I do have 'the chair' mind.

How can I get him to recognise this?

Show him this thread?

What an absolute cunt.

I honestly couldn't forgive such a selfish man.

Don't show him the thread.

I once showed a dp a thread and he was called a few choice things - it really really affected him and I never heard the last of it. It's not worth the hassle and I think my mn was monitored. It did no good what so ever . Keep it as a safe space to moan and get support is my advice.

Order yourself a pizza and eat it upstairs.

Did he drink all the wine too?

I'd not be happy about this at all.op. his greed, his "I really don't give a fuck if you're hungry" response, and now the sulking.

What a dick.

He's huffing like a child and is upset with YOU?! He has a nerve. I agree with PPs I doubt this is a first, I bet he has form for being a selfish arse who has to get his own way. Normal, caring partners don't act like this. Do fuck all for him tomorrow and ignore him/his sulking. You need to have a good think about your relationship. What a fucking nob he is - I hope he has nightmares from all the cheese.

I think he is punishing you for going back to work. Are you the higher earner, or is your job more 'important' than his? All his behaviour sounds like ways to put you in your place and train you to accept that only his comfort matters; you are his inferior and you will go hungry if you don''t obey and defer to your master.

Did you ask him to leave it for you? If it's going cold, maybe he just jumped to a tasty assumption?

Any woman who has to ask their partner not to eat an entire pizza barring one slide is a surrendered wife.

He left her one fucking slice of pizza while she was doing all the childcare and then had a go at her when she complained. He’s awful. And anyone defending it is awful too.

If I came down from settling the baby and my husband had eaten my dinner, I'd be eating him.

But it wouldn't happen because he's not a selfish shit. Let him fend for himself and when he wonders where his food is tomorrow, reply "oh sorry" and dive back behind the paper.

Tomorrow morning deposit the baby on his lap and tell him you're going out for a big cooked breakfast somewhere nice COS YOU'RE STARVING!

We had something almost identical happen when ds1 was a baby. We were having pizza for dinner - 2 whole pizzas but we usually slice them on a board and share so we get to eat a bit of both. DS kicked off just as we sat down and DH polished off the lot. The difference is that when I came back down and pointed out what he'd done he called himself an arse and cooked me another dinner. If he's twisting your words and making you out to be in the wrong all the time I think you have a bigger problem than the pizza. Hope you can get through to him what a tosser he's been.

What makes it especially terrible is that he took food from the person feeding his child with her body. I mean FFS would he drink the child's formula? You need that pizza.

DH has form for never wanting to be in the wrong. He has a narc father and being wrong and apologizing is the worst thing in the world... I call him on it every time. TBF he knows what would happen if he ate all the pizza. So he wouldn't. In fact he tries to be wonderful all the time as a line of defence against being wrong!