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AIBU?

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Original poster

Occupation Orders - can anyone help?

42 replies

Neverender · 11/01/2019 19:16

Hello, I'm considering filing for an occupation order in court to have by H removed from our home.

Has anyone here done this? How much did it cost? How did you tell him? I'm seriously mentally exhausted and unsure about this next, very serious, step.

Any help greatly appreciated.

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Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 21:52

Bump - can anyone help me?

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Doingreat · 11/01/2019 21:57

Hi. I filed for one last year. I did it through solace who are similar to women's aid. They sent me to solicitors and a solicitors came to court with me on the day. I was entitled to legal aid so I'm not sure how much it costs otherwise.

I think seeing a solicitor for half an hour free consultation would be your best bet. Have you had contact with women's aid?

Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 21:59

Thank you so much. It's more police led at the moment. I was hoping the situation would improve but it hasn't.

Did you tell him or did they serve papers. Not sure I'm entitled to legal aid.

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Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:00

It might sound stupid but once you did this was there no going back? I just desperately want life to improve but it's not.

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Doingreat · 11/01/2019 22:02

Tbh I didn't find the police much help. You need to contact a domestic abuse agency such as women's aid etc and they can advise. We were living together at the time so the letter came addressed to him at our home. You don't need to engage with him at all. Just say I'll see you in court.

Floralhousecoat · 11/01/2019 22:03

I'm sure women's aid can advise you on costs. If you can stump up the cash it will be worth it to get rid of him.

Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:03

Ok. Again, thank you. Will they remove him if he won't go?

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Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:04

Wasn't that awful Doingreat? Did he get the letter when you were at home? How did he react?

I'm scared, hence all the questions.

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Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:05

I'll find it if I need to Floralhousecoat

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Doingreat · 11/01/2019 22:08

What happend at court on the day was that he was asked to give an undertaking to leave the home within a weeks time otherwise he would be in trouble. That means if he were to return after that I could call the police and they would remove him under the order.

It's can be a bit overwhelming. So please get some support for yourself from a domestic abuse agency. Headstone and solace are good. As are women's aid

Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:11

Personal question, I know, but what was it that finally made you take that step? It seems so final. Maybe that's what I want/need, but things have escalated very quickly in my situation and I feel like I'm lagging behind in my acceptance that it's not going to get better.

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Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:11

Did he fight back or just leave?

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Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:12

I'm overwhelmed

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Doingreat · 11/01/2019 22:12

He as physically violent during the marriage which is why I got the order. As soon as he knew I was getting serious about kicking him out he didn't lay a finger on me. When he got the summons to court he kicked off yelling etc but by that point I was no longer scared of him. I had a fantastic advocate from solace and she made me feel empowered. That's why it's really important to get in contact with one of these agencies who can guide you through and hold your hand.

Doingreat · 11/01/2019 22:16

Happy to answer any questions.

We have an 11 year old and I decided to get social services involved as a way to strengthen my case as he would be violent in front of my child.

Yes it is final. I put up with it for nearly 10 years and I realised it was damaging my child to witness aggression and violence and abuse.

Do you have children?

Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:17

I'm here at present but have taken it no further...He as physically violent during the marriage which is why I got the order. As soon as he knew I was getting serious about kicking him out he didn't lay a finger on me.

I've called the police and had everything recorded and he's backed right off, but I still don't think I can live with him/stay married to him as he is denying everything, drinking all day and making no effort to find a job, let alone work on our marriage. Should I just give up?

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Doingreat · 11/01/2019 22:17

*I put up with it for nearly 11 years

Doingreat · 11/01/2019 22:19

Even if he's not laying a finger on you any more you cannot live with your abuser. Please protect yourself. Get him gone.

Doingreat · 11/01/2019 22:20

Of course you can't live with him op. Your marriage is over. This is no way to live.

Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:20

Yes, we have a 2yr old DD, he's "nice" to her but she's repelled by his needy behaviour.

He only lost his job and was diagnosed with depression on 22nd October so this is very new in the context of our whole relationship, but he feels I have betrayed him by reporting his two violent assaults to the police.

I reported them because;

A. I was scared of him
B. I think he would have carried out his threats which would have been much worse for him, me and our DD than me reporting them to the police

I'm trying to stop him from pushing things past the point where they can be recovered...at what point do I simply give up?

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BarbarianMum · 11/01/2019 22:21

There are ways around serving them notice if you fear violence from them. Speak to a solicitor. Flowers

Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:22

The police told me 1 in 4 women experience this. 1 in 4?! I feel like I'm liking in some weird parallel universe.

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Doingreat · 11/01/2019 22:22

That's an awful and toxic environment for your dd to grow up in. She deserves to grow up without this abusive alcoholic man for a father. Do it for her op, and for you. You both deserve better.

Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:23

I feel so sad about it all

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Original poster
Neverender · 11/01/2019 22:24

It feels so final

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