New mums making me feel like crap about myself

[uhtredsonofuhtred]

Just got back from play group with my 2 year old and quite frankly I'm feeling quite shit about my appearance.

So thought I'd better venture out today because staying indoors with a energetic 2 year old is not the one and we've had loads of days in with either her or myself being ill.

Put a bit of make up on tie the hair up and try and make myself look a bit more presentable (all though I still look like I've just fell out of bed) do the school run and get to playground for just after 9am.my friends there with her 3 month old and I haven't seen her since she was 2 weeks old, her mum (my friend) looks radiant! No make up on (maybe a bit of moisture) her hairs down and straightened with nice clean clothes on, she looks great!
Another lady who I know of comes walking over with her 3 week old and again looks radiant and absolutely stunning, she's had her cut and minimal make up on her clothes are nice, and no new mummy belly, cup of coffee in one hand and her baby in her arm.

How are these woman looking this great at 9 in the morning with new babies  I look like utter shit with just a two year old in tow. It's not fair 

have to go to Berko the women walking round act like they own the gaff!!!

And they're not putting you to shame.They're just living their lives.

Jesus there's some smug attitudes on this thread! Op it's tough! Could you try to make it easier long term by getting an easy to manage haircut or practicing easy up dos? I try to plan and buy clothes to go together often based on a theme like in winter jumper and leggings! So I don't have to make judgments about what goes together on a morning. You could try to do bits of this when you get a moment to yourself anytime. It will get easier!

@UniversalAunt thank you for making me laugh today

Get up earlier to wash your hair and do make up? It's not difficult.
😂😂😂😂😂

I suppose I've got no one to blame but myself, I spend far too much time having "me time" with a cup of tea and flicking through mn that it all goes over my head until I venture out and come across these tidy looking mums putting me to shame because I don't even have a newborn but I look like I've got 10
They didn’t say anything though, so you’re putting this on yourself. Don’t underestimate the value of that cuppa and a sit down. They’re probably wondering why they never have time to themselves and getting up ridiculously early in the morning just to look sharp for the school run, which is really sad.

Stop comparing yourself. They might feel like shit and think you look amazing.

People that tell you the newborn stage is the hardest... DO NOT FUCKING LISTEN. The new born stage is THE BEST. They sleep they cuddle their little cry is adorable.
Depends on the baby - you got lucky.
If you get one that feeds for over an hour, catnaps for 10-15mins in your arms, if you're lucky, then screams until the next feed then I can assure you that the cuddling wears thin and the little constant cry becomes unbearable.

I looked shit from day one until at least a 20 year.

I looked and felt like an absolute car crash when my son was a baby - he was clingy, sicky, didn't sleep well, would only nap on me or in motion, breast fed every 15 minutes (or felt like it). My hormones and emotions were all over the place, I would sweat buckets even though it was the middle of winter, wept constantly (probably low level pnd) and was so tired that keeping my eyes open was sometimes downright painful. Mums like me aren't at the 9am baby groups, they're still sobbing into their cold coffee and wondering when their child will go back to sleep long enough for them to ease them in to their cots for a 15 minutes nap so they can have a quick shower. It got easier when he would sit up in his cot with some books and toys. I while I got ready but given he was still waking multiple times a night I would never deliberately wake up earlier to get up and put make up on/do hair. I do wish I looked more 'groomed' (although I hate that word - I'm not a horse!), but I value and appreciate all the sleep I can get now DS sleeps through more often than not.

These mums might just have babies that sleep really well so don't mind getting up earlier. I'd rather sit in bed with a cup of tea and then do my makeup in about 3 minutes.

Christ what a load of humourless replies!

OP I get you - I am particularly bewildered by mums who I know have had massive babies but have no stretch marks, or c-sections but no pouches - I had both and have both and I usually reconcile myself to it as the price I paid for my baby, but then I see those with the babies and without the deflated tiger loaf for a belly and I just wail internally "why meeee?"

Also all these people with 'easy' newborns - this is far from standard issue!!! My baby slept in twenty minute bursts interspersed with screaming any time she wasn't in my arms and/or stuck to my boob. Sometimes even those things weren't enough to ward off her seemingly inborn existential despair. She is now a jolly, lively toddler who sometimes sleeps for whole hours at a time and parenting is by and large a pleasure. Make up and hair? Pfffft. If I got both of us dressed and out of the house for the first three months it was considered a roaring success.

It doesn't help that my two year old is quite feral  she's by far the hardest to cope with, you have to watch her at all times or she'll be swinging off the curtains! I can only really do anything with myself when she's napping, by that time the house is upside down so I have to put my own maintenance to the back of the queue behind housework  then the kids are home from school and by the times dinner/baths/homework/packed lunches/more tidying and bedtimes are done I'm usually pooped in front of dog shit tv and I can't fathom fixing myself

People use their time differently and prioritise different needs. Some book appointments for brows, hair, nails etc and have family or DP watch the kids while they go. Be kind to yourself x

I have a nearly 7 year old with additional needs and a 2 year old plus am 3 months pregnant with our third child. I get up earlier to shower, do my hair and make up plus leave my clothes out the night before.

I honestly wouldn’t go out of the house without doing this but I have good routines and can do my make up in 10 minutes, hair in 10 and only have a quick shower in the morning. I do have a pampering bath or shower every week were I shower, shave, exfoliate, use masks etc. We also do school run then toddlers or classes most day plus I work one day a week. It’s about routine and time management. I see it as me time and do it when the kids are asleep mainly. I also go to the gym at 6am but again this is me time and makes me feel good. In saying all this I wouldn’t judge anyone else that didn’t have make up etc done.

I am not wealthy, have no cleaner, cook or actually any help from family or friends at all except a husband who leaves the house at 8 am and gets home most days after 5.30pm. My products are cheap and my gym membership is cheap plus I don’t go out for meals, drink or smoke so can save there. For me it’s quite simple to feel good I need to look okay so prioritise it a little bit so am get up earlier to do it.

You've answered it yourself, you prioritise something else in the mornings. You could get up half an hour earlier everyday. But you don't want to. That's fine, but it's a choice.

It could just be as well that they are beautiful people and this is them looking rough...

Really unfair to blame these other mums for making you feel shit. These women haven't done anything to you.

When I was pregnant, my health visitor told me I should keep wearing makeup after my baby was born. Not in a mean way (ha), but as a way to keep some time for myself and maintain my sense of self. I think it was great advice.

Half my makeup routine went after children, but I still have ten minutes to do my mascara, eyeliner and eyebrows each day and wash and moisturise my face. Plus I still have plenty of time to drink tea and go on Mumsnet. I don't understand when people say they don't have time. What is stopping you getting up ten minutes earlier? You must shower and brush your teeth in the morning.

I see some mums with babies who still manage a full face of makeup/contour/straightened hair and everything, but they don't make me feel shit. I assume they just set an earlier alarm.

I feel for you, but really the only person who can control whether you prioritise your own grooming/appearance is yourself. I do think that taking ten minutes to spend on getting ready is important for mental health as a mum.

If I got both of us dressed and out of the house for the first three months it was considered a roaring success.

This! I remember being so chuffed to have got out to a breastfeeding support group that started at 10.30am. It didn't help that the 'supporter' woman was so sarcastic and snippy with me that I cried all the way home but that's another story.

OP there will always be some women who look cool calm and collected with perfect hair and makeup at all times no matter how many kids they have or how many hours they work. Their homes are probably immaculate too and I expect they all wear matching Next pyjamas at Christmas. I have spent a long time envying those women but I know I don't have it in me to be like that and it's ok to be like me too (bit of a messy house, clean when necessary not every day, sometimes wear clothes without food stains on).

I always made sure my hair and make up was done when my daughter was a baby. It made me feel more together and ready for the day. I also didn't mind getting up a bit earlier to do it.

As DD got older, I'd put her in her bouncer to watch while I did it and now she's 5 she likes just watching and asking questions. At most, straightening hair takes 20mins and makeup takes around 10 so not long.

Also to everyone with this 'set an earlier alarm' mentality - my 2 year old wakes up for the day any time between 5 and 6.30. Am I really supposed to get up at 4.30 in the dark just to put a face on and then sit there not smudging it for up to 90 minutes, just to be sure of looking good? Whose toddler comes with a snooze button that you can plan to 'get up before they do'?

After my third I was on such a high. My house was immaculate, I looked amazing, the kids were all so well turned out, I baked every day and cooked every lovely meal from scratch.

Then the novelty of not being pregnant wore off and the after birth high faded. Now I'm a greasy monster with a messy house and a freezer full of Birdseye. Took about 10 weeks.

@SlowOx it was all very lighthearted
When my little ones were babies I was the same and made more of an effort because I felt great after being pregnant and suffering for 9 Months.

My youngest didn't sleep through the night until she was 20 Months (would wake up to six times a night) so now I value my sleep and would rather them drag me out of bed than get up earlier for the sake of 30 mins ( it takes me a good 20-30 minutes to come too)

What I meant by starting this thread is how have woman got their shit together (on the outside) with other kids and newborns when I look like I'm doing the work for them 

Easiest way is to not care what others think - appearance is important but its not the most important. A happy child and household where creativity and play is encouraged and where you spend more time with your child than in front of the mirror is more important. You are a good Mum, the other Mums probably aren't judging you and if they are - then sod them. Dress up for you if you want to but not them. Relax and find your own beat.

@CuppaSarah same  I look worse now than when I did with the babies, but how? How can you look worse with a toddler than just giving birth with a baby! Baffles me you would think it would be the other way around lol

@herethereandnow good words 

Come and stand next to me - I'll cheer you up. I got up this morning having gone to bed without drying (or brushing) my hair last night. I threw on grubby joggers and a bobbly wooly jumper as I have to walk the dog. I work from home so no-one else sees what I look like all day. I took the kid into school with that outfit, a bobble hat on over my hair and my crocs on. Make up is a no-no unless I am face to face with clients (and even then I often don't bother).

To add next week I have client meetings away all week so will be staying in a hotel, drying and straightening my hair, applying make-up wearing full on business woman chic and smelling a million dollars. I CAN look good if I want to I just don't bother day to day.

I wear what suits the jobs of the day - I realise others don't but my personal worth is independent of how I look so I prefer to wear what is most functional. I am not sure it should matter to anyone else if my hair is brushed.

Bollocks to getting up early to compete with other mothers on looks! Unless you don't need the sleep.

As said above, some people just look better than others with minimal effort. I remember reading a comment by Jane Asher that when you have a baby, glamour is getting out of the house in a dress without baby sick on it, I took heart at that, especially after having a very 'sicky' baby.

Some mothers are also just more together than others. I had PND, so just getting out of the house in any condition was a triumph some days.

I'm sure you're doing a great job as a mother, OP, regardless of unstraightened hair etc.