New mums making me feel like crap about myself

[uhtredsonofuhtred]

Just got back from play group with my 2 year old and quite frankly I'm feeling quite shit about my appearance.

So thought I'd better venture out today because staying indoors with a energetic 2 year old is not the one and we've had loads of days in with either her or myself being ill.

Put a bit of make up on tie the hair up and try and make myself look a bit more presentable (all though I still look like I've just fell out of bed) do the school run and get to playground for just after 9am.my friends there with her 3 month old and I haven't seen her since she was 2 weeks old, her mum (my friend) looks radiant! No make up on (maybe a bit of moisture) her hairs down and straightened with nice clean clothes on, she looks great!
Another lady who I know of comes walking over with her 3 week old and again looks radiant and absolutely stunning, she's had her cut and minimal make up on her clothes are nice, and no new mummy belly, cup of coffee in one hand and her baby in her arm.

How are these woman looking this great at 9 in the morning with new babies  I look like utter shit with just a two year old in tow. It's not fair 

Ok so those mums aren’t making you feel like crap.

You’re making yourself feel like crap. If you’re really bothered about how you look then my advice would always be

1. Get to Cos (or even H&M) for simple basics
2. have a good, easy to manage haircut
3. prep the night before - organise baby bag, what you’re all wearing etc
4. smile - fake it til you make it
5. stick on some mascara and a tinted moisturiser

@KissHerYouBrilliantFool no not at all my friend with the 3 month is just your average joe and the lady with the newborn mentioned about maternity leave but I don't know what she does, she's just a lady that I've seen a few times there

I can’t wait until my baby is a toddler. At the moment I can’t even go for a piss without him having a total meltdown because I ‘ve had the audacity to put him down. I crave the day I don’t have to co sleep as well. At least when they are toddlers they understand more. So going for a wee, even if they insist on coming with you, will be a breeze.
Thankfully I have never worn make up and my hair is a messy pixie bed head style so I don’t have to worry about any of that shit.

I thought I had to get dressed up (ie clean and ironed clothes) with makeup etc when I had the first child. Put so much pressure on myself. It's not a sign if coping better or finding it easy. I just thought it was something I had to do to show everyone I could do it all and was finding it dead easy. Was shitting it inside obviously.

I chilled out and within a few weeks or month I was just happy to have cleanish clothes and brush my hair once a day.

OP Nars blusher is like a little miracle if you can afford to treat yourself.

Adrenaline and pregnancy hormones.

People kept telling me I looked amazing when I had a three week old, and looking at photos I do look better than normal. I still had thick, luscious pregnancy hair, the sleep deprivation was awful but hadn't yet had time to really build and I could still be a bit bothered to put make-up on. I think I also had some massive post-birth adrenaline rush that lasted a few weeks and which gave me a bit of a glow. Six months on the baby is easier in many ways but he still doesn't sleep so I look like a woman who hasn't slept in six months, whose hair has fallen out, and who can't be bothered to put make-up on. No one's saying I look great now!

PrtScn don’t think it gets better. My toddler sat on my knee and cried this morning because I was on the toliet.

Ok so those mums aren’t making you feel like crap.

You’re making yourself feel like crap.

THIS. Stop comparing yourself to other mums / people and you'll be happier.

I try to get up before everyone else but tbh my bed feels so cosy and warm especially on these dark cold mornings.

I suppose I've got no one to blame but myself, I spend far too much time having "me time" with a cup of tea and flicking through mn that it all goes over my head until I venture out and come across these tidy looking mums putting me to shame because I don't even have a newborn but I look like I've got 10 

@RavenLG I am happy, I just want to look half decent without makeup on and try and find the motivation to be bothered about how I look 

Jackshouse I’m going to stay positive and think happy thoughts about having a child free wee 😂

I spend far too much time having "me time" with a cup of tea and flicking through mn

Would you really rather give up that up and straighten your hair, though?

@LaurieMarlow I'll have a look 

I you feel crap about yourself or shit about your appearance, you have two choices.

Either you put some effort in, there has been plenty of advice here about getting up earlier etc

Or you acknowledge your feelings but chose to prioritise other things (eg sleep/time with children) and don't let it get to you. I personally have no issue with looking like a wreck, as long as I am clean and vaguely presentable. But I am in the minority and don't see looks as important! I don't find looking better makes me feel better! Do what makes you feel better for you.

@LisaSimpsonsbff I want both 😭😂

What’s the phrase, “comparison is the thief of joy?”.
Exactly what INDECISIVEPIGEON said. Yo are you, they are them. But... if it makes you feel better then straighten your hair, and stick the minumum of make up on...
Don’t beat yourself up so much, they may look perfect, but maybe have other stuff going on, we all have our issues/insecurities.

I’m sure you don’t look half as bad as you think OP. We’re all our own worst critics.

I’m always the mum with her hair and make up done before the school run. You know why? It’s my mask. I simply don’t have the self confidence to go without it. I’m still not happy with myself even then.

Confidence and a smile is all you need to look lovely. Sounds trite but it’s true.

It's pretty simple: if you care you make the effort and sacrifice in other areas (maybe you've got to plonk your kids down in front of the TV with a less than ideal breakfast while you get ready or say to your partner "not tonight babe, I've got to get my beauty sleep to look good at baby class tomorrow).

I personally don't care how I look as long as I'm clean. I'd rather have a lie-in than put mascara on. My priorities are comfort, not appearance. So I don't compare myself to other people.

Clearly they prioritse their appearance.

It's not impossible to find the time but perhaps you spend that half hour in bed in the morning? Or go to bed later because you're watching something on TV? Or you check your phone or MN? Or you play with your children?

They don't have more hours in the day than you do, they are just choosing to spend them differently.

The first time I made it out to baby clinic with DD1 I felt it quite an achievement that I had showered, washed my hair and was wearing clean clothes ie leggings and an overshirt. I sat next to a woman wearing a cashmere sweater and who had perfect hair, make up and manicure. I was slightly boggled as to how she had managed it but we became friends and I learnt that this was something that was very important to her. Less important to me at that time ( I was thrilled not to have to be in my very smart corporate work clothes) but neither of us was wrong or right in our approach - I'm a confident person naturally, she is confident if she feels 'finished' in terms of her outward appearance and she enjoys the process, whereas I am rather more sporadic in my glamming up.

Oh OP- don’t feel like crap. They may well be sacrificing something in order to have the time to look presentable.

I spoke to a mom at a toddler group (that started at 9am!) and asked her how she looked so immaculate. She told me she got up at 6am - 30mins or so before her DD and multitasked to fuck to make sure her make up was done/hair curled etc.
I thought fuck that. I’d rather look like Hagrid to be honest.

My New Years resolution is to actually give less of a crap what I look like and focus on just being healthy and happy.

@willitbe the thing is when I do make an effort ie wash/straighten the hair, wear make up and put something nice on to wear I feel like a sexy goddess  it make me feel so good that I think "I'll do this everyday" but it doesn't last I loose motivation and think I'd rather spend more time drinking tea and chilling out

I try to get up before everyone else but tbh my bed feels so cosy and warm especially on these dark cold mornings.

I suppose I've got no one to blame but myself, I spend far too much time having "me time" with a cup of tea and flicking through mn that it all goes over my head until I venture out and come across these tidy looking mums putting me to shame because I don't even have a newborn but I look like I've got 10

Oh well there you go then! I hadn't seen this when I posted.

So you have two choices. You either prioritise your appearance over a cup of tea and MN or you just stop comparing yourself to other people.

Some newborns are pretty easy to be fair.
DS had jaundice so was quite sleepy, but luckily had no trouble breastfeeding (so no expressing, pumping or extra washing to do)

I took DS down to Brighton to meet my school friends when he was a couple of weeks old and I look great in the pictures ( really happy and the sleep deprivation hadn’t started yet. And I’m wearing a mini skirt which seems an odd choice but I had a tear and jeans were uncomfortable so I was usually in a skirt and top as I found it hard to breastfeed in a dress and was sick of leggings)