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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too late for a party or not?

90 replies

Deerstalker · 10/01/2019 13:03

Dd has been invited to a birthday party for a child at her nursery.

She is 3 1/2 and the party is 20 minutes away at a soft play centre from 5-7pm on a Sunday evening when they have nursery the next day.

She usually has dinner at 4/4.30 and is in bath by 5.30 then pjs at 5.45 latest for 6/6.30 bedtime. She has a younger sister who is breastfed to sleep (18 months) who would have to be taken to the party too as it’s her bedtime at the same time as her sisters (she can’t settle with anyone else as I’m the one with the boobs and she feeds to sleep).

I don’t know if I’m being precious but this feels far too late for a 3 yr old on a ‘school night’. It will personally turn our girls into a bloody nightmare for the next few days as routine is everything for them.

I don’t want her to potentially be the only one who doesn’t go though so I feel torn.

My gut says it’s too late and to decline but what do I say without causing offence?

OP posts:
Karigan195 · 10/01/2019 13:05

Personally I think you’re being a bit precious. It’s going to make about an hrs difference. They will probably sleep those twenty mins in the car too.

Lovingbenidorm · 10/01/2019 13:07

My first reaction is to agree with you, that certainly seems too late at that age.
Maybe go with your gut. Even if she’s the only one who doesn’t go I really don’t think she or her friends would find it a big deal tbh.
At that age it’s not like they’ll be talking of nothing else for days afterwards!

Musicalstatues · 10/01/2019 13:07

If you don’t want to go you just say dd can’t go. You don’t need to go in to detail so no need to worry about giving offence!! I don’t expect people to give me a reason as to why exactly they can’t attend!
It is late but as a one off it’s not going to hurt.

ThatsNotNiceRoger · 10/01/2019 13:13

It’s up to you if you think it will make a difference. We went to a soft play party that finished at 6.30pm and actually it was great. My 3 year old DS had his tea at the party went straight up to bed as soon as we got in. It worked out fine.

LL83 · 10/01/2019 13:15

Not too late for a party.

But if too late for your family just say "thanks for invite but we can't manage have a lovely time"

Personally I am excited for nursery parties to see my wee one interact with his friends and it's a good opportunity to meet other parents. But there will be plenty other parties if it will cause chaos all night then you're best skipping it.

Original poster
Deerstalker · 10/01/2019 13:15
  • I also know she won’t go straight to sleep when she gets home andnnor will her sister...as they will have been fed sugar laden stuff at the party and will most likely ‘sleep’ in the car for the journey home then be wired for the rest of the night [hmm)
OP posts:
kaytee87 · 10/01/2019 13:17

What time does she have to be up in the morning?

6.00-6.30 is pretty early for bedtime imo - an hour earlier than my 2.5yo so that party would be fine for us. We'd just skip his bath, brush his teeth and put him straight to bed.

Zintox · 10/01/2019 13:17

Too late for us and my children are a bit older. That's a really odd time.

But my two have SEN and need their routine.

Neverunderfed · 10/01/2019 13:17

Till 7 at 3.5?! That's ridiculous IMO.

mommathatwearspink · 10/01/2019 13:18

My DD wanted her 3rd Birthday Party at a particular soft play and they only offered parties 5-7pm. Like you I was wary as we have a very good routine that she doesn’t like being out of. To be honest it was all fine and for one night, it really didn’t matter

ThatsNotNiceRoger · 10/01/2019 13:19

Can you take pyjamas to soft play get them changed on the way out and if they fall asleep carry them up to bed when you get home? It’s what we do if we’re out late.

Original poster
Deerstalker · 10/01/2019 13:20

I agree re it being an opportunity to meet other parents. The only issue really is the time of it, it’s a good hour after bed time then the journey home and settling time so in reality it’s going to make a couple of hours difference and two very cranky kids.

It seems about 50/50 with replies so far so will keep checking back as i really am torn

OP posts:
Pk37 · 10/01/2019 13:22

I do think that’s quite late for a toddlers party to finish

ThatsNotNiceRoger · 10/01/2019 13:24

You know you can’t include your younger one in the party right? Unless she’s been invited too, obviously. It’s just the way you said they’ll have both been fed lots of sugar.

LL83 · 10/01/2019 13:29

Soft play parties round here chicken nuggets/pizza for dinner and an ice cream afterwards (often ice cream hardly eaten as they want to play) sweets/cake in party bag so you can choose not to give that to you dc.

Bath Sunday morning and take jammies so ready for story and bed when you get back. More often than not it's fine to change the routine once in a while.

If you have previous experience that means you expect it to be a disaster when you get home then don't go. Equally if you don't want to go then don't feel guilty about it either. If I had two children at those ages I would be wary of upsetting bedtime and not getting to relax myself that evening.

Original poster
Deerstalker · 10/01/2019 13:30

My daughter has always been an early riser. She did have a later bedtime (7/7.30) but she was exhausted and overtired so that’s why she goes off earlier now and it works for her

OP posts:
GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 10/01/2019 13:31

Can your husband take her and you can stay at home and settle the baby?
I'm sure if you pop her in to her pjs after the party, let her do a wee there, she will fall asleep in the car and you can carry her in. This is what we would do.
Yes I do think the party is late but I'd still let my dd go.
A 7.30/8pm bedtime isn't going to do any harm as a once off

bert3400 · 10/01/2019 13:32

Would it be such a big deal to have one evening of disruption. Kids need to be flexible IMO because that is what life is like. You have to weigh up how much fun you DD will have at the party and whether you are happy to have your routine put back by an hour for one night Hmm

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 10/01/2019 13:32

Nah I'd sack it off. Too late. Join the pta if you want to meet parents, one party honestly wont impact you socially!

livingthegoodlife · 10/01/2019 13:33

Far too late. My kids have a similar bedtime routine to yours.

My five year old is going to a party this weekend which ends at 6.30 which I feel is a bit late on a Sunday night. For a nursery child - no way.

I'd just politely decline.

Original poster
Deerstalker · 10/01/2019 13:35

That’s not nice Roger....our youngest has also been invited so it wasn’t an assumption. I’d never take a sibling to party unless agreed.

There isn’t anywhere to change the kids into pjs before we leave and tbh I’d feel a bit odd doing this in a public place (the loos are horrible so not doing it in there)

OP posts:
tackybell · 10/01/2019 13:36

'kids need to be flexible'
I'll point this out to my baby next time he's kept up for an hour later and is exhausted - I'm sure he'll understand and stop the constant whinging and screaming then... Hmm

OP your older one will probably be fine as long as you prevent her from sleeping in the car on the way home! That's always the worst bit for us as it means they'll be up for hours at home (unless she's one of these magical children that can be transported from car to bed without waking up - has literally never happened with us)

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 10/01/2019 13:38

Change her in the car. I've done it many times
It sounds like you're making excuses. Decline if you don't want her to go

Original poster
Deerstalker · 10/01/2019 13:40

Tackybell, exactly. Sadly ours are light sleepers so trying to move them at all whenever asleep ends in disaster. We have no chance if they sleep in the car either

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 10/01/2019 13:40

Could you change them in the car and brush teeth then. Drive enough so they fall asleep then transfer them into their beds?

I'm the opposite in that I hate lunchtime parties as ds still has a 2 hour midday nap but he's ok to stay up slightly later for something.