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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Too late for a party or not?

90 replies

Deerstalker · 10/01/2019 13:03

Dd has been invited to a birthday party for a child at her nursery.

She is 3 1/2 and the party is 20 minutes away at a soft play centre from 5-7pm on a Sunday evening when they have nursery the next day.

She usually has dinner at 4/4.30 and is in bath by 5.30 then pjs at 5.45 latest for 6/6.30 bedtime. She has a younger sister who is breastfed to sleep (18 months) who would have to be taken to the party too as it’s her bedtime at the same time as her sisters (she can’t settle with anyone else as I’m the one with the boobs and she feeds to sleep).

I don’t know if I’m being precious but this feels far too late for a 3 yr old on a ‘school night’. It will personally turn our girls into a bloody nightmare for the next few days as routine is everything for them.

I don’t want her to potentially be the only one who doesn’t go though so I feel torn.

My gut says it’s too late and to decline but what do I say without causing offence?

OP posts:

DillyDilly · 10/01/2019 13:40

Quite honestly, the party is on at an awkward time. If it doesn’t suit you to go, then politely decline.

There’ll be other parties. Particularly with a first child, we can feel that our child (and ourselves ) will miss out/be a child without friends/not invited on play dates etc, etc if we can’t make every social event going. We put far too much pressure on ourselves, missing the odd party will do no harm,

kaytee87 · 10/01/2019 13:40

I keep cross posting with you

LL83 · 10/01/2019 13:40

......I think you have made your decision then. Don't go. Decline nicely and don't feel bad about it.

Original poster

Deerstalker · 10/01/2019 13:41

Their dad is already out that evening so it would literally be just me

OP posts:

Abneyandteal19 · 10/01/2019 13:41

Agree with PP, while it's not a great time I'd let me 3.5 year old go but take PJs, change then there (you could just do it in corner of hall if you're worried about loos) and take the long route home and transfer asleep once home (BF baby then if needs be)

DS1 who is 3.5 went to his first nursery party last weekend and he loved it!

We do this on way home from ILs and it works fine for us, one night missing bath etc is no big deal- you can even do an afternoon bath if you like- ours love this!!

Bloominglovely · 10/01/2019 13:43

I'm torn on this too. My kids are in really cranky moods if they go to bed too late esp at the start of the week. However as much as I love routine (as they do), they need to be adaptable and they will have fun. I'd accept the invitation unless you think you can't deal with the break in routine yourself.

GabsAlot · 10/01/2019 13:44

sorry to go ot but @thatsnotniceroger i love your name

Original poster

Deerstalker · 10/01/2019 13:45

Thanks all. Still deliberating!

I think general consensus is that it’s a bit late but as a one off it should be ok. I now need to decide if it’s worth the ‘pain’ of two cranky toddlers to manage on my own that night and the following few days (at this moment I think it isn’t!)

Thanks all x

OP posts:

BIgBagofJelly · 10/01/2019 13:45

I think you're being a bit precious. I'd go for it for one night. They probably chose this time slot so they could exclusively hire the soft play. It will be fun for the kids to have free reign. You can surely change them into PJ's in the loo or in the back of the car? Or have them on under their clothes?

EssentialHummus · 10/01/2019 13:46

Go, leave a bit earlier.

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2019 13:49

Personally I'd take her and let her have fun, it's one night and she will likely have a blast. It's all too easy to get hung up on routines, when in reality every now and again, it's worth it to see them having some fun and not miss out.

underneaththeash · 10/01/2019 13:49

We just turned down late parties at that age (and in reception), they just weren't worth the hassle that the late night at the beginning of the week would cause.

kaytee87 · 10/01/2019 13:49

Another option is to leave half an hour early

Also about the sugary crap, I'd just make sure the toddler didn't eat any of it. Harder with a pre-schooler though obviously.

They might surprise you. DS has a strict routine but has been fine the times we've strayed.

flamingofridays · 10/01/2019 13:50

we went to one similar timings to this, half 4 till half 6. ds is 2 and usually is in bed by about 6:30.

we went, he enjoyed it, was knackered but fine the day after, I didn't have a small baby as well though.

I would prob go

Poodloo · 10/01/2019 13:52

Is there not any way that your partner can take the 3 year old? You say you can't leave the toddler at home because you have the boobs so I assume there is a partner.. apologies if I'm wrong.
If not, then yes I'd go. One night really isn't going to harm. Change them in to pjs while there (there is surely a baby change area with it being a soft play!) Before heading home. It won't do any harm. You could even leave 15 minutes early and say you need to get the small one to bed. That way you'll be home by 7.05ish.

ChanklyBore · 10/01/2019 13:53

The party is later than average.

Your routine is earlier than average.

Neither are wrong.

Chamomileteaplease · 10/01/2019 13:56

I think you are right to weight it up. But I would be on the side of, is two hours of soft play worth it for an a difficult evening and possibly a few days of a tired and unhappy girl? I think no.

I would carry on with your usual life, miss the soft play, which is hardly a huge sadness, and let everyone get lots of sleep.

There will be other times when it is worth changing the routine and taking a risk but I don't think this is one of them .

Blobby10 · 10/01/2019 13:56

Deerstalker when mine were young, I rarely took them to parties which were after their normal bedtime especially if it was a school night. None of my 3 slept very well, all woke early (5am was normal) so I got them into bed between 6.30 and 7 just so I could have an hour to myself before falling asleep (or trying to) for 90 minutes before one or other of them woke up.

They won't lose out by not going to a party at that age.

Arrowfanatic · 10/01/2019 13:56

When my kids were young i stuck ridgedly to our routine. My eldest DD still had a 6pm bedtime till she was 3 years old as she was a chronically early riser (still is at 10 years old) and everyone would trump out the old "if you keep her up later she'll sleep later" FYI has NEVER happened.

I used to get it in the neck alot because i refused to deviate from our routine, my sister especially as she lives in europe and it's the norm for kids to be up late. I'm more flexible now as my kids are 10, 7 & 6 & more adaptable to being tired, although they are all early risers & my 6 year old is still a beast when tired but they recover quicker than a toddler would have.

So after that waffle, no i wouldn't go especially as you're on your own. Only you know if your toddler & baby are the kind to adapt or not. My kids needed routine, others dont.

And one day i hope my kids will learn to sleep in

flightofthedoves · 10/01/2019 13:56

You seem to have a very rigid routine there. Dinner by 4.30 every day, in the bath by 5.30? Fine as a general rule, but surely difficult to stick to all of the time?

iamyourequal · 10/01/2019 13:58

Just say ‘sorry but we are unable to make the party’. Plenty of parents don’t even bother to RSVP, never mind giving a reason, so don’t be worrying about that.

Personally if it was me I would go to the party as little girls seem to love parties so much, I would consider it worth a little upheaval. I couldn’t cope with your regimented times at all though, but I know other families differ. 6pm is ver early to me for anyone to go to bed!

Onecabbage · 10/01/2019 13:59

Will you be stopping there with your children, because I think I’d be tempted to take my child away from the party a wee bit earlier. If you leave at 6.30 and you know she has eaten, you can still have her in bed by 7pm if you skip the bedtime bath (give it prior to the party)

If you’re there with her you can judge if she has eaten enough to go straight to bed when you get home and decide if they seem tired or having fun and full of beans.

samsamsamsamsamsam · 10/01/2019 14:01

Honestly one night wont destroy their routine, you might surprise yourself and cope fine. It might also show you kids can be flexible.

If you dont go, DC might not be invited next time, which would be a shame

I agree the party is late, but your bedtime routine is also very early and seems very rigid.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 10/01/2019 14:01

It isn't the usual sort of time for that age, but it would be better to have a one-off late night than to miss a fun party. At that age you can always let her sleep in and take her in a little bit later the next day.

kaytee87 · 10/01/2019 14:01

Will you be stopping there with your children

Surely no one would leave a 1 & 3yo at a soft play party?

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