Too late for a party or not?

[Deerstalker]

Dd has been invited to a birthday party for a child at her nursery.

She is 3 1/2 and the party is 20 minutes away at a soft play centre from 5-7pm on a Sunday evening when they have nursery the next day.

She usually has dinner at 4/4.30 and is in bath by 5.30 then pjs at 5.45 latest for 6/6.30 bedtime. She has a younger sister who is breastfed to sleep (18 months) who would have to be taken to the party too as it’s her bedtime at the same time as her sisters (she can’t settle with anyone else as I’m the one with the boobs and she feeds to sleep).

I don’t know if I’m being precious but this feels far too late for a 3 yr old on a ‘school night’. It will personally turn our girls into a bloody nightmare for the next few days as routine is everything for them.

I don’t want her to potentially be the only one who doesn’t go though so I feel torn.

My gut says it’s too late and to decline but what do I say without causing offence?

They won't not invite you again because you decline one invite! If you had other plans would be tying yourself in knots to rearrange them so your DC could go to the party?

As the DC get older, parents will invite who the DC want - regardless of whether DC come, or you get return invitations.

I've invited 1 boy 4 times. He has been once (the 2nd invitation). I will still invite him next year if DS asks for him to come (I think they have a family birthday around the same time from what the mum has said). And the boy always invites DS and we go. Because they are friends.

It would be fine for our family, dd resisted early bedtimes from birth. We intentionally chose a nursery that didn’t begin the academic structured portion of the day until 9:30 so we could sleep later and drop her off at about 9:15.

It's not necessarily 'too late', but if it's too late for you that's ok. It would be fab timing for my 18m child,, and I'm constantly irritated that there's not more stuff in the late afyernoon/early evening for children as mine is a late riser with a lateish (8ish) bedtime.

I'm quite happy personally to be relaxed on bedtime as long as its not every night. After all, toddlers and young children sometimes wake up at night, or uncharacteristically early and we just get on with it. I don't get worried about keeping her up unless it's much after 10ish, though if it's a late one I often change her before we leave the venue so it's straight to bed on return.
But if that doesn't work for you thats fine and your call. No time suits everyone.

I understand why you've declined but do you therefore decline every invite in the evening? what did you do over the Christmas holidays?

I'm quite chilled about bedtimes, mine is almost 2 and can sleep any time 1830-2100 depending on what we are doing. He loves coming out with us to parties and dancing, or having a late dinner with his extended familt! I feel he'd be missing out on experiences if he was in bed at 6pm every night.

I've never heard of a party that late tbh

I wouldn’t go- call me precious but if you aren’t the one dealing with my cranky children for the following nights you don’t get a say. Honestly that’s v late! I’d rather a 7am party, at least I know my toddler would be awake

5-7 is really late. i wouldn’t go and my kids are older. 4-6 is pushing it

5-7 is really late.

It's not late at all, some kids are barely out of after-school club, have barely finish their after-school activities. Many pre-schooler have swimming lessons between 3 and 5 around here (i know because it's hard to find a slot that early!).
If it doesn't work for you, fine, but it's quite a good time for other families.

A party not finishing till 7 for a 3 year old seems very late to me.

I think it is a bit late but I would let them go as a one-off personally. I have been in the same situation a few times and it always turned out okay. Now my daughter is 10 we are going to the Harry Potter tour in a few weeks on a Sunday and won’t get back until about 11pm but it was that or not go whilst the special snow theme is on. Sometimes it is worth a day of tiredness for a lovely fun experience for them on a Sunday.

If you think it's too late and don't want to go then just don't go?! Why do you needs to start a thread about it?!

If it doesn't suit it doesn't suit, especially if your dp isn't available to help. But, while I think routine is important for young children I do agree with pp who say that sometimes it's good to be a bit flexible. Life throws up all sorts of curve balls, parties, family occasions of all kinds and imo a day or two of crankiness is worth it, but ultimately you have to decide if it's worth it for you.

Thank you everyone. Your time and replies are all very much appreciated.

I’ve decided not to go as it genuinely won’t work for my children or for me. It’s no criticism of the host and shouldn’t reflect badly on me either. I’m sure it will work for others but I’ve got to put my little family first and I know from experience that my children won’t cope with it and will be a nightmare for days after. Seeing as it’s only me that will be managing the aftermath then I get to choose whether it’s worth it or not

Thanks again as it was a difficult decision and it’s been great seeing the replies and reasons for going and not going - it’s helped me choose the right thing for us anyway

Good outcome OP - you’ve decided what is best for your family and that is what matters.

The hostess truly will not mind (one less party bag for her to make!) and nobody will be bad-mouthing you at the party.. I never know who else was invited or why they couldn’t come

That's great, that you have made a decision and also that you feel relaxed about your decision.

As QwertyLou above says, you never know who is invited to a party and why some people can't make it. It really isn't important.

So long as you send a polite decline of the invitation so that the party givers know how many are going to turn up, that's all that is needed.

Enjoy your calm and pleasant evening .