Woman in cafe, is this a new form of space invading?

[Bahhhhhumbug]

I know this has been done to death, the usual thing of people standing too close in queues, sitting next to you in an empty carriage etc etc. but this was a new one on me yesterday and l can't fathom why it bothered me so much, but here goes.
Went for a coffee whilst shopping yesterday and as it was late some of the popular window tables were free so l went and sat at one watching out the window as you do.
A man came and sat at the next window table to me and was then joined by a woman both middle aged, fiftyish. She took off her coat and turned to me and rather bruskly asked me if the seat behind her at my table (directly opposite me) was taken. I said no and to help yourself, resist g temptation to mimic her brusk tone. With that she put her coat with big fur collar around the back of the chair, turned round and started sorting out her coffee etc, leaving me sat at my table opposite her coat and partly blocking my view outh window.
Wtf? Just to clarify these tables have four seats around them so l had three empty she had two but they are small tables and only realistically seat three comfortably.

[cinnamontoast]

Struggling, yes, Blueskies has expressed it perfectly in both her posts.

[Strugglingtodomybest]

Thanks again!

[MyWeaponofChoiceisWords]

We had our bags on the free seat at our table in s busy café. CF woman comes over from next table (which only had 2 chairs, man sat on other) and asks if she could have the "spare" seat. Presuming it's for someone joining her, we removed all bags and passed it over.
CF proceeded to put her bags on the chair instead!!
No one joined her. I was dying to take the chair back but didn't fancy chair wars.

[Gromance02]

myweaponofchoiceiswords well she was obviously more important than you!

I actually said this to a CF in M&S when I was getting an issue resolved with a self-service machine by a member of staff and someone walked up to him and butted into to our conversation to tell them they needed some booze authorising. I actually said to the staff member loudly 'Help her first she is obviously more important than me'. He laughed and ignored her. CFF.

[Andylion]

Oh come on people claiming this is a non issue. This other person had a free chair at their table but they chose to put their coat on a chair at the OP's table.

It is a bloody odd thing to do.

[Andylion]

Oops. I meant to say that I agree with the post I quoted.

[ravenmum]

I agree that we simply don't know why she did this. I can't see why everyone's assuming that she was doing it because she wanted to claim the space - perhaps because I can't understand why anyone would want to claim space as if it were Lebensraum, so I find that hard to swallow. I'd assume that she had some other reason for putting it on this chair that I didn't know, e.g. the coat was damp and she wanted it in the window where it would air better - or where the sun would dry it - or because there was more space, or because they were expecting two other people at their table, or some other reason that I can't imagine.

I also can't understand why anyone would get that het up about it, as if this happened to me, yes I would literally not be bothered - not because I am soooo cool (do I sound cool?) but because I have, over the years, been working on avoiding paranoia and not assuming the worst of everyone, or thinking that they must have it in for me. Doing that makes me feel worse.

Just to explain, as a couple of people have expressed their incredulity that anyone could truly not be bothered by this bagatelle .

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Hi I'm back sorry phone went flat and only had time charge it enough to take out not to be mumsnet ting!
Just to answer a few points.
Coat blocked my view because seats have those very thin spindles on back so practically see through plus it had a massive fur hood which made it stand a good six inches above the height of back of chair and to the sides.
All chairs are exactly the same so 'my' chair was no more suitable than 'hers'.
One of 'her' spare chairs was right at the side of her and more reachable than 'mine' behind her.
No chairs 'mine' or 'hers' were in a walkway of any kind.
Her coat wasn't wet and it hadn't been raining at all.
I mentioned her rough age not as an ageist thing ( l am older myself in my early sixties) but rather in case some thought there was a generational reason for this behaviour as for example l do notice that old ladies more than any other group seem very keen to 'keep' up with you in a queue and match you inch for inch as you move up. Obviously not all old ladies.
Her coat would not have been near her client/patient/whatever as there were two empty chairs between her and him on their table.
It didn't upset me terribly, genuinely perplexed me and as l could think of no reason why as listed above why she would want her coat behind her out of sight in front of a stranger than at the side of her.
To whoever said that why on earth would l be bothered by a coat in front of me and how awful that l have to look at a coat shock horror and all similar comments then l think you'll find that it was the woman who should be asked that question not me as she had a problem with her own coat.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Oh and she wasnt reserving 'my' window table for another party to arrive as they left before me without anyone joining them. No sunny window either to warm/air coat it was about 4.30 to 5pm.
Some of these stories are so funny and breathtaking examples of cfery or just strange behaviour. Love the s rambled egg , the laptop and suitcase, the dirty pots /empty tray ones and the cookies on the train and the one where they asked for their spare chair with their bags on to put their own on. Brilliant.

[madcatladyforever]

I detest space invaders.
Once I was having a romantic anniversary dinner with my ex husband in a lovely country pub in front of a roaring fire, we were clearly having couples time as we were holding hands etc.
The whole dining area was empty as it was in the week and there were lots of free tables.
This horrible loud couple parked themselves right next to us just inches away and started yacking on and on to us.
When they kept talking and talking even after I had told them we wanted to be alone to enjoy our anniversary I'm afraid I was unforgivably rude.
They STILL didn't move so we pointedly got up and took our plates to another table.
I'm not normally rude but for fuck's sake.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

madcatlafy thats awful but sadly l can believe it. I too hate space invaders (clearly or this thread wouldn't exist!) I think it's getting worse these days and l used to almost take it personally but soon realised that it isn't me that attracts them etc. just rather that there is a lot of it about and this thread proves that.
I've been reminded of one of my own or rather my dds. She was having a quiet coffee pre work one morning and sat in a window seat on a very long high bench seat with bar stools looking out people watching (must get it from me!) No one else on the long bench when a woman got her breakfast and drink and slid her way along the length of the bench and stopped right in front of DD so now dd wasn'tooming out the window but straight at this woman. She obviously has more balls than her mother as she immediately said 'You're having a laugh aren't you' and got up and moved along and warned the woman not to follow her. Some strange folk around.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

dd wasn't looking

[Instamom]

I think that is fine. You say the tables were small so she probably felt that it would be a squish to have a coat on a chair, 2 people and paperwork on the one small table designed to 3 people as you say.Your space looked quite clear in comparison.

I think that is fine but I also, politely ask to share a table if there are none free. I know others think this is rude but I think it is fine as long as you are polite about asking (and while you are sharing)

[Illegally18]

Was sitting in the tube with my legs in front of me, two other seats taken, when a woman sits down in front of me and asks me to put my legs in the aisle so that she could cross hers

[blueskiesandforests]

Bahhhhhumbug it sounds as though that woman had a potential romantic interest in your DD and wanted to chat her up over breakfast! Either that or she was the kind of person who parks her car close enough to the only car in an otherwise empty car park to prevent the first car's occupants opening their doors wide enough to get back in...

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Well no the tables aren't small, they do sit four but three comfortably and definitely plenty of room for two people and she didn't have lots of paperwork just one form of sorts. Her coat would not have impinged on her space at all as both her spare chairs remained empty, nor would her coat have blocked her view of the man with her in any way.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

... and l have no problem whatsoever with sharing a table when a cafe is full and that wouldn't bother me at all. Just think when a place is half empty, you stick to your table, I'll stick to mine.

[IamPickleRick]

You should have put your own coat on the chair next to her.

[ChakiraChakra]

I'd have had to have ensured the sleeve accidentally dangled in something wet and sticky. Or spilled my drink all over it, got up, told her to leave the cost there to save my take and got another - the extra overpriced coffee price totally justified!

The scrambled egg one is my favorite ever.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Ha ha lampickle l'll tell her that, honestly didn't think of that but yes she was looking for a reaction of some sorts. Just didn't get one she wanted.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Sorry answered wrong poster, that was to poster said maybe long bar slider fancied my dd. lampickle l meant to say yes l wish ld thought of that at the time but it was typically only afterwards when l thought of some brilliant comebacks

[BlancheM]

I was out for dinner once with DH and youngest DS and a man just cane over with his drink and sat himself down at our table with us 😂

[BlancheM]

Came*

[Sedona123]

YANBU. I think that her behaviour was really weird and rude too.

I also hate space invaders. DH and I had a fairly similar experience to madcatlady. Not a hugely romantic dinner, a pre cinema meal on a Saturday evening. Downstairs in the restaurant there were lots of families and noisy groups, so the waitress took us to the completely empty upstairs area and let us choose where we wanted to sit. We chose the far corner table. After about 15 minutes she brought up another couple and also let them choose which of the remaining 11 or so tables they wanted to sit at. They choose the one right next to us!! 😡 We weren't expecting to have the whole area to ourselves, but equally didn't expect them to choose to be so close when they could have been about 15 feet away.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Sedona this is my pet hate and l will never understand why people want to be unnecessarily close to you, l genuinely don't understand. Also a local Italian restaurant we go to often does this, they have a long row of tables upstairs and they will actually lead you to the table next to the one couple up there or lead a couple to the table next to us if we're the only ones up there. When they point to the table we always decline and say we don't wa t to intrude on the already seated couple/group's privacy and point to a table further away. Madness l really don't get it. I know when it happens in an empty car park that it can be because some drivers can't park without someone to line up to but surely people in restaurants don't need to copy which knife or fork to use or whatever!!