Woman in cafe, is this a new form of space invading?

[Bahhhhhumbug]

I know this has been done to death, the usual thing of people standing too close in queues, sitting next to you in an empty carriage etc etc. but this was a new one on me yesterday and l can't fathom why it bothered me so much, but here goes.
Went for a coffee whilst shopping yesterday and as it was late some of the popular window tables were free so l went and sat at one watching out the window as you do.
A man came and sat at the next window table to me and was then joined by a woman both middle aged, fiftyish. She took off her coat and turned to me and rather bruskly asked me if the seat behind her at my table (directly opposite me) was taken. I said no and to help yourself, resist g temptation to mimic her brusk tone. With that she put her coat with big fur collar around the back of the chair, turned round and started sorting out her coffee etc, leaving me sat at my table opposite her coat and partly blocking my view outh window.
Wtf? Just to clarify these tables have four seats around them so l had three empty she had two but they are small tables and only realistically seat three comfortably.

[llangennith]

YANBU.
Could you have moved the chair that she'd put her coat on out of your eyeline and next to her table?

[whyamievenamazeddotcom]

Got carried away re scramble s egg the woman’s should have draped her coat over her own chair on her own table clearly Ill bet pound to penny she’s one of those people who shunt their sun bed back so far you end up having them laying with you under the umbrella you’ve paid for! OR being forced out into the sun while they get your shade... who are these people

[whyamievenamazeddotcom]

MSlexic you are my hero a friend of mine once put a canapé she didn’t like at this posh work do in the hood of-a girls coat which had been draped over the back of the chair in front of us .. the coat hood was on our knees but unsure if the canapé went in because hood was annoying furry affair in our chair and leg space space or simply because canape was awful and realistically no where else to put it ... we sat sniggering through remainder of work talk thingy fending off dirty looks !

[SpotlessMind]

Maybe she did it to make sure no one sat behind her which is cheeky. Once the OP left then anyone else looking for a window seat would probably see the coat and assume someone was already sitting there, I don’t think it would cross my mind that the coat might belong to the person on the next table.

[Pashal2]

And blueskiesandbutter if the person told you to get your farging coat off my table and put it at your own table would that readjust your perspective as to what was and was not"your territory"?

[Pashal2]

The world is coming to a place where rude passive aggressive people invade the space of others and there's a whole brigade of people willing to justify it because they lack the ability to stand up to rude people

[Pashal2]

The part about the age I understand because you would like to believe that people our age 50+, would have manners and consideration for other people that many members of younger generations lack due to inexperience or the that often accompanies youth.

[Pashal2]

LoL too funny! Social worker of cheek!

[Pashal2]

PK 37 perhaps the people defending the coat hanger do this kind of thing themselves..... especially on their privileged planet, LoL

[Pashal2]

Exactly butchyrestingface! Would it have been ok if the middle aged woman's companion put his coat and belongings at OP table as well, like some kind of coat repository? I agree it's strange

[Pashal2]

Why can't the woman put her own coat at her own table with her own companion? Why must the OP have to sit with a stranger's coat? Why wouldn't the OP just camp out in the cloat check room in that case since she now became the defacto coat-sitter in the cafe? It's intrusive, presumptuous, weird and rude. Plain and simple.

[Pashal2]

Perhaps the OP believes that being middle aged means she should have more mature and deferential manners. Unlike, perhaps a poorly raised teenager or millennial.

[Pashal2]

Americanized🙄

[Cab65]

In a very tightly packed London restaurant I put my mobile phone into my coat pocket that was on the back of my chair, when I got home my mobile was not in my pocket, I rang it and a very irate woman told me that I had put it in her coat pocket also hanging on the back of her chair directly behind me. I’m not sure why she was annoyed I was the one who had to traipse across London to collect it. My DH has never let me forget it and brings it up as proof of my scattinese.

[RLABC]

Yes, yes, yes! Just draw it out, photo it and then attach it to your next post. Oh please do it

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Try2makeadifference l know l failed miserably, the ball went straight over my head with that one
LBAC l was dreading someone asking for a diagram lve no idea how and lm not very technical. Do l just draw the scene and then just take a pic and attach it? Or is there a drawing app? Anyway will have to be later as lm going out soon but will give it a go later on.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

It wasnt an expensive looking coat at all it was one of those puffa jackets that you throw a stone and hit six of them on any street. I am pretty sure nothing to do with keeping the conversation private etc or saving the table after ld gone as they went before l did and the position of coat didn't block my view of them whatsoever , just in my direct line of vision for looking out the window.

Interesting suggestion by *poppiesallykatie*and pp who suggested this. First thing that struck me was maybe she was doing it to make herself out to be authoritative/more important than me, maybe for the benefit of her 'client' or maybe she is like this in the office pushing her weight around etc especially with people a lower grade than her. There is a type definitely that behave like this, l used to work for the NHS and there was someone sat opposite me who was in a higher grade than me, though our jobs were differing departments. We all had our own specific permanent desks and she would often try and say some of her files/in tray etc should go on my desk and would often push them across the join. I did just keep putting them back and she did have plenty of room and spare surfaces nearby unused. But it was as if to say lm more important than you so l can take some of your space too.

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Sorry Janex l wake up every morning and am hit by the awful realisation l am in my sixties and wonder where l go to demand a recount . I wasn't being ageist l just wanted to pre empt posters suggesting it was thoughtless ignorance/ entitlement of youth or maybe the onset of dementia and so on.

[Notveryadventurousname]

I think the environment is probably even more important when on your own as there isn't anything else to distract you. Two people chatting would focus on the conversation and find it easier to ignore the enormous dastardly meringue of a coat blocking the view.

She may also have felt her party size trumped yours. Don't get me started on this....or the machinations faced by a sole diner who wants to visit the bathroom. I've returned to find my food/drink moved and table taken by other customers (inevitably a couple), and in one case, my barely started hot lunch and coffee cleared and disposed of by the waiter while I took toddler to the loo.

[Notveryadventurousname]

Agree with OP. This is invasive and the normal thing to do would be hang your coat on your own chair, one at your table or use the coatstand if there is one. If not, I would bundle my coat up and put on top of my bag on the floor or under the table. When you use a cafe, you are paying for the surroundings and ambience, not to have your immediate space cluttered by some else's personal possessions so they in turn can have more space for themselves. Totally different if cafe busy and you need to share tables, that's just part of life, sometimes fun, sometimes mildly frustrating but just necessary. This was encroachment/man-spreading equivalent etc and unnecessary.

[nonetcurtains]

I have two space invader stories and thinking about them still winds me up -
when visiting Lyme Regis, dh and I (plus dog) had walked up the hill overlooking the bay and stopped to have a breather on one of the benches. The view from there is fab.
Had sat for a few minutes when a crowd of about 30 tourists arrived coming down the hill and stopped immediately in front of us, literally about 2 meters in front, completely blocking our view.

They were getting louder and louder till they were all shouting over each other. I let our very very large, very friendly and very damp dog off her lead to say hello. She was pleased.

Other time was many years ago when my two children were young. We had been to a local shopping centre one very hot day and went to the little cafe there for lunch. Very cheap and cheerful, narrow aisle between the tables. It wasn't busy and there were plenty of free places.
We sat at a four seat table with our cups of tea and lunch on a tray each. Three workmen came in, walked up the aisle till level with our table then stopped. Talking to each other. One then sat on our table with his backside about three inches away from my tray. How I wish I had jabbed my fork into his fat arse. Had to content myself with an outraged " DO YOU MIND".

[OneStepSideways]

I think she was just guarding the space behind her so nobody sat too close. A bit cheeky but they may have been having a private conversation. Either that or her coat was very expensive and she wanted it noticed!

It always baffles me when people sit close to mothers feeding babies/toddlers. I've had more than one milk spraying/puree flicking/sticky finger grabbing incident!

[blueskiesandforests]

janex1 have you not read that the OP is 60 and was giving context. 53 is late middle aged, it's just a fact (I'm middle aged too, which I prefer at least to "of a certain age" which some people say and I always think is a euphemism for menopausal...)

[TunaVersesAngelfish]

Love this thread 🤣😂

[RLABC]

OP, I really think that you need to draw a diagram as sooo many PPs seem to find it impossible to understand the layout and seating arrangements of the two tables/brusque woman/possessed coat/window etc.