To be angry with childminder

[CleverQuacks]

This is my first AIBU so please be gentle.

My son is three and has development delay and currently being assessed for autism. He was potty trained in October but still has the occasional accident. He goes to a childminder during the week whilst I am at work.

Today I arrived to collect him and the childminder opened the door looking very annoyed. She informed me that my son was “having a meltdown”. She stated that she had asked him three times if he needed a wee and he hadn’t responded (he often doesn’t respond when spoken to) he had them wet himself.

She stated that because he had ignored her she was now insisting that he change his own wet clothes. He cannot dress or undress himself. Can’t even take his own shoes off.

I went in the room and my son was sat on the floor in soaking wet clothes completely distraught. I helped him get changed into dry clothes and took him home.

In the car my older son, who also goes to the childminder said that the childminder had “shouted really loud” at my son when he had the accident.

I am really not happy. She knows my sons needs and challenges but still chose to punish him with an impossible task because he had an accident. I am considering finding a new childminder / nursery but don’t no if that’s an overreaction.

I’m glad you’re going to move them, but I think you need to contact OFSTED too

Hey OP. Just coming back to this thread as it’s actually been playing on my mind all evening. So glad you’re moving them both but I really do agree with the others. You should report her. This is an awful and abusive way to treat tiny children - it really is.

He’s 3, nt 3yos with no health problems, additional needs etc have accidents sometimes. You say oh dear, get them clean, puts some new clothes on them and tell them not to wait so long next time or whatever.
If you can’t deal with a child having an accident you probably shouldn’t be working in childcare.

She sounds like a right bitch and us in the wrong job. Glad you're taking your children out of her 'care'.

I'd be fuming OP.
Even a child without any delays at 3 may still have accidents.
My 5 year old who can dress herself will have an accident, rarely but it has happened. When she is wet, wither DP or myself will help her.
We gently ask why she thinks she wet (usually because she didn't want to move away from activity). Then we explain that it is quicker to nip to the toilet than it is to get cleaned up. We clean her up, tell her it is all sorted, give her a cuddle and tell her to carry on playing.
There is no reason to be cross at any child who wets themselves!

OP, i feel for your son and I am glad you have put a plan of action into place!
I hope you complain officially about the CM!

Poor baby.

Report her and fire her asap.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your son.

I'm an Aspie, and a similar thing has happened to me in the past, where the caretaker was my kindergarten teacher. I was four. She was a sadistic bitch and will never forget it.
For you and your son,

All three year olds can have an accident. I am appalled.

She needs reporting. This is totally unacceptable. My DD still had accidents when she was 5yo, and even the occasional drip at 6. She too wouldn't respond when asked if she needed to go. She is now studying medicine. It's nothing to do with learning difficulties, so children just have weaker bladders and genuinely can't control it like others.

She is clearly showing a lack of ease tial development knowledge. This is bad enough but her response to it is damaging. It must be really difficult for you to be in this situation but you need to find someone else for the sake of your children Nland report her for the sake of others. Horrible woman.

Move them the only time I have insisted my child changed there own clothes after an accident was when she did it deliberately, (demanded something impossible when I couldn't present it threatened to pee herself definatly deliberate!) Accidents are called that for a reason you never punish for an accident yes if a child is capable you involve them in the cleaning up of themselves but that's just a life lesson 🤷‍♀️

The worrying thing is, is that she thought this was acceptable and normal enough behaviour to tell you, she didn’t think what she was doing was wrong for something to hide. So she’ll likely be capable of worse that she considers not socially normal to hide form you. She’s shown you who she is, run.

That's awful. Official complaint. She's ofsted registered. Honestly that's just horrendous

Oh and refuse to pay. You aren't moving them out of choice. You are moving them for emotional well-being and safety.

I would report her.

When my DC were at Infant school it was pretty common for children to have "accidents" in Reception (so 2+ years older). It was dealt with with no fuss or bother, totally a normal part of life.

This woman doesn't sound suitable to be a Child minder, especially of a child with SN.

Hi OP, my 4 year old sounds similar and I know it is difficult but a child minder should be able to deal with it without losing her temper. I hope you complain to OFSTED. Thinking of you all.

Take them out and complain to ofsted

She is completely out of order and not fit to look after kids especially ones with special needs. Take your kids out of her care and report her to Ofsted. I feel for you. As others have said perhaps a nursery would be better but then it all depends on his autism and whether it would be too stimulating for him. On the other hand it may help to prepare him for school.

I agree you should move both children. What an appalling woman - she is not fit to be a child minder.

She stated that she had asked him three times if he needed a wee and he hadn’t responded (he often doesn’t respond when spoken to)
This is common with children with ASD because they don't understand that you are actually talking to them.

Have you tried saying his name first, before you ask the question, so he knows you are talking to him? This used to work well with our ASD son.