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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry with childminder

117 replies

CleverQuacks · 09/01/2019 18:04

This is my first AIBU so please be gentle.

My son is three and has development delay and currently being assessed for autism. He was potty trained in October but still has the occasional accident. He goes to a childminder during the week whilst I am at work.

Today I arrived to collect him and the childminder opened the door looking very annoyed. She informed me that my son was “having a meltdown”. She stated that she had asked him three times if he needed a wee and he hadn’t responded (he often doesn’t respond when spoken to) he had them wet himself.

She stated that because he had ignored her she was now insisting that he change his own wet clothes. He cannot dress or undress himself. Can’t even take his own shoes off.

I went in the room and my son was sat on the floor in soaking wet clothes completely distraught. I helped him get changed into dry clothes and took him home.

In the car my older son, who also goes to the childminder said that the childminder had “shouted really loud” at my son when he had the accident.

I am really not happy. She knows my sons needs and challenges but still chose to punish him with an impossible task because he had an accident. I am considering finding a new childminder / nursery but don’t no if that’s an overreaction.

OP posts:
Huffleypuff · 09/01/2019 18:29

Poor little love. Write a letter of complaint and remove your children from her care as soon as you possible can.

No child should be treated like that but especially not one who needs a little extra help

Drogosnextwife · 09/01/2019 18:30

OP I am a childminder and can tell you that is absolutely not acceptable, I wouldn't do that to any child who had accident no matter what age, especially if they were being tested for autism or developmental delays! I would let them know I wasn't happy and they should have told me but to let them sit in soiled clothing and refuse to change them is unacceptable. If she can't accommodate your sons needs then you need to find someone else. I am actually appalled by that, I could not imagine leaving a child in peed clothes!

Saltandsauce · 09/01/2019 18:30

Definitely move them both. Poor wee boy 😞 x

elliesm98 · 09/01/2019 18:31

Is she qualified? Surely she should know that’s not the way to handle the situation if she is
I’d report her to ofsted

SparklyLeprechaun · 09/01/2019 18:31

Yanbu. That's no way to treat a child, regardless of autism.

KatieKittens · 09/01/2019 18:31

I’m sorry to hear what happened to your son.

You are not overreacting.

Take your children out of this person’s care. They are not fit to practice as a childminder.
Lodge a complaint and report this incident.

Mumofaprinny · 09/01/2019 18:31

I would be fucking fuming, to put it lightly.

pajamallama · 09/01/2019 18:31

Poor little lamb. Remove them both and report the nasty cow.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 09/01/2019 18:32

Horrible woman. No way should she be taking care of children.

Zariiya · 09/01/2019 18:34

Oh god that made me tear up reading that too. Horrendous. I'd definitely never take them back there. And I'd let her know why. What a bitch.

CoraPirbright · 09/01/2019 18:37

It would be a cold day in hell before I would be leaving my children in the care of such a nasty, impatient bitch. Is she registered? I would lodge a formal complaint with the appropriate body.

Orlande · 09/01/2019 18:38

Generally speaking, getting a child to change themselves when they have an accident is fine (especially if it was down to laziness or not wanting to stop what they were doing) but the childminder clearly does not understand or can't cope with your child's needs.

Yabbers · 09/01/2019 18:38

Move them. And report too. Completely unacceptable behaviour.

delboysskinandblister · 09/01/2019 18:39

report her. find another childminder. is there a friend that has children with similar needs who could recommend a responsible and kind childminder?

planespotting · 09/01/2019 18:40

Ofsted and move
That person just makes childminders look bad Sad

themoomoo · 09/01/2019 18:42

I'm a childminder and would remove both children from her care.

AhNowTed · 09/01/2019 18:44

ASD is complete irrelevant. Totally normal for a toddler to have accidents and deny all need for a wee.

You wouldn't treat ANY 3 year old like that.

CleverQuacks · 09/01/2019 18:44

Thank you all for your replies. You have confirmed what I thought. I will be ringing round nurseries tomorrow and my mum is going to have my kids for the next two days whilst I try to sort something out.

OP posts:
colditz · 09/01/2019 18:44

I wouldn't treat any child of any age or any developmental ability like that.

AhNowTed · 09/01/2019 18:45

And she's just a nasty cow.

April2020mom · 09/01/2019 18:47

That’s technically abuse. Find alternative childcare pronto. The poor child. Also file a complaint with OFSTED. This is not appropriate. My son’s first ever childcare provider forgot to tell me he had a UTI on three separate occasions. So I ended up having to find another childcare provider.

dontfluffthefluffer · 09/01/2019 18:47

Make sure and tell her, calmly yet firmly, why you're removing the children.

She's completely out of order. Your poor lad.

Buddytheelf85 · 09/01/2019 18:49

I hope this doesn’t come across as dismissive or insensitive but I actually don’t think your son’s additional needs are relevant to this. Children have accidents. It is unacceptable for a child - any child - to be shouted at and left crying in their wet clothes!

Hope you can find a suitable nursery and hope you and your son feel less upset soon.

Fairylea · 09/01/2019 18:49

How upsetting SadSad

Definitely doing the right thing by removing him. Please do report her.

I would be absolutely furious with her!!

Bornin1969 · 09/01/2019 18:50

Move your children and report her to ofsted. I’m a cm. It’s an appalling thing to do to a small child