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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My DH was assaulted at work oday

91 replies

Silentviolet · 09/01/2019 17:36

My DH has learning difficulties. Over the past 6 years he has worked so hard and has been offered a job at a new company for better pay and better hours.

He's been in the job for less than a month and the guy who he is working with made it clear on the first day that he didn't want my DH working with him. The role was created for my DH so this guy has never had anyone working with him before.

My DH has been coming home saying this guy makes things difficult and makes remarks. Today he came home and said that he has been threatened and physically assaulted by this guy. My DH had made an error and thus guy flipped at him, shouting and swearing calling him fucking useless and told him to get out. When my DH told him to calm down the guy started pushing him repeatedly. My DH stood his ground and this guy pushed him really hard into the door.

My DH reported it and the guy was spoken to and made to apologise. My DH now doesn't want to go back but has to as we have 2 small Dc's and he can't afford to be out of work.

I am in a professional role and consider myself to conduct myself in a professional manner. My DH looks to me alot because of learning difficulties, especially when it comes to anything like this.

AIBU to schedule a meeting with the manager and go in to discuss this with him? Surely it's a sackable offence what this guy has done to my DH? They work so close together how can the trust be restored? I am SO angry by blood is pumping. Either calm me down or give me some mumsnetters please

OP posts:

pajamallama · 09/01/2019 17:38

He needs to speak to his manager. This is unacceptable and it's totally unfair to expect your DH to have to work with this guy anymore. Your poor DH.

Onesmallstepforaman · 09/01/2019 17:39

Bullying alone, let alone physical violence are grounds for dismissal. Instant, in the latter case.

tiggerkid · 09/01/2019 17:39

I don't think you should be contacting his manager. As a starting point, probably would be reasonable to give him advice to speak to the manager first and see what happens. Take it from there.

CatnissEverdene · 09/01/2019 17:39

If you get involved, you will really embarrass him but I completely get your anger.

You need to reiterate to your DH that he did the right thing by reporting it, and he has to carry on doing so if this other man is bullying him.... as that's what it sounds like.

How awful... some people are just fucking weird. I hope your DH is OK (and you)

DGRossetti · 09/01/2019 17:40

Surely it's a sackable offence what this guy has done to my DH?

Try hate crime.

littlebillie · 09/01/2019 17:40

In writing always in writing formal grievance

Original poster

Silentviolet · 09/01/2019 17:40

He is worried that as he has been there less than a month, he will be seen as a trouble maker. I am seething for him
He has just gained confidence and now it's gone again

OP posts:

Auntpetunia2015 · 09/01/2019 17:41

Poor guy that’s outrageous, Your husband needs to take it further if he’s not happy. I understand he has problems but any escalation needs to come from him, he can schedule a meeting and you can go with him and ask as his representative I think.

But tonight he needs reassuring and maybe beer! If you can get him to write down or tell you word for word what happened who said what and who was present, who made other guy apologise etc then that’s a starting point.

ChariotsofFish · 09/01/2019 17:41

He’s been assaulted, he should go to the police.

2019Dancerz · 09/01/2019 17:43

Help him write the letter, rather than go in yourself. I think that would look very bad. Is he in a union? They would help. If he was to have a meeting he can ask someone to accompany him, which could at a pinch be you but I would advise against it, your feelings are too involved.

HowDidYouDo · 09/01/2019 17:43

that’s fucking awful. In no work place should you get away with that behaviour. Especially physical violence.

I’m sorry - I don’t really have advice other than for your DH to report to HR and state the apology is not accepted and he is no longer comfortable attending work, if he had to be within 100 feet of this prick.

I’m so sorry this happened

Littlechocola · 09/01/2019 17:44

I would inform the police.
That will make work listen.

Does your dh want you to get involved?

My adult son has asd and I have to try really hard when he’s got a job (they don’t last long sadly) not to get involved. I know I would definitely want to get involved if this happened but have to remember he’s an adult.

blueskiesandforests · 09/01/2019 17:46

You really cant go in on your DH's behalf for his sake, but you can help him put a complaint in writing. Is it a small firm or does it have an HR department? You possibly could do with him for moral support to a meeting with HR, but don't go in for him as it will undermine him and give anyone questioning his appropriateness for a role in the company fuel.

VictoriaBun · 09/01/2019 17:47

I can understand that you feel the need to go in and intervene in his behalf, but personally I wouldn't . Instead suggest to him some coping strategies and ways he can take this forward to management. Is he in a trade union or perhaps a disability rep ?

Dandeliontea123 · 09/01/2019 17:53

I would encourage your DH to take this further.

Make any written complaint as factual and as specific as possible.

The other worker shouldn’t be allowed to get away with discriminating against and assaulting a colleague.

Original poster

Silentviolet · 09/01/2019 18:54

I am so fucking cross I feel like I'm going to give myself a heart attack! I can't believe the company haven't taken it seriously! I've spoke to DH who said he's reluctant to do a formal grievance as he's on probation for 3 months and feels they will let him go and it will paint him in a bad light. Arrrggh I'm so bloody mad!!!!

OP posts:

Candymay · 09/01/2019 19:14

I’m so sorry for you both. I totally understand your fury and upset. You are right- the company have not responded to this incident with the correct gravity. I think a letter to the manager in the first instance and as others have suggested- I would be considering going to the police.

Look after your lovely husband and try to have a calm evening once you have written the letter is my advice. Good luck.

FrogFairy · 09/01/2019 19:30

Surely a physical assault means instant dismissal for gross misconduct.

TeenyW123 · 09/01/2019 19:38

Would ACAS be able to advise or get involved?

Ohheyyy · 09/01/2019 19:41

I think you and your DH should sit down and write a letter to be handed to a senior member of staff as part of a formal complaint against the other member of staff. That way you have input but it's still coming from him.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/01/2019 19:46

The bloke was spoken to. Fuckin spoken to!!!!!!!. Is he sucking the managers cock or something.
Where I work physical violence you youd be sacked on the spot.
I think he needs to take this further.
I'd be going to the police.

Gazelda · 09/01/2019 19:49

I'd write down everything your DH can remember. Get it on paper so he doesn't forget details.Id speak with ACAS and Mencap for advice on how to escalate this appropriately.

He has been assaulted. I just can't see how this isn't gross misconduct? Your poor DH, I hope his faith in others hasn't been damaged too far.

ToPlanZ · 09/01/2019 19:58

The chap that assaulted him should have been immediately suspended on full pay while his employer carried out an investigation. I would think a verbal warning for a physical assault is insufficient and may be construed as constructive dismissal of your DH if he feels he cannot return to work. Contact ACAS, report the assault to the police and write down a full account of the incident.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 09/01/2019 20:03

It won't print him in a bad light at all. If anything, it will show his confidence, professionalism and integrity.

Get it properly reported.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 09/01/2019 20:09

Police!!

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