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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

STI test "joke"

83 replies

Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 14:13

Ok I'll try to keep this brief ! Husband went to a&e last night with bad stomachs pains ,,, phoned me on way home and they had said it was one of two things ,,, kidney stone or an STI . Stupidly I made a throwaway comment of omg imagine if i caught an Sti off a toilet seat ,,, I laughed , it was a joke . I was tired and said it without thinking ,,, I know you can't even catch anything that way ! I honestly don't know why I said it , I was just talking without thinking ! Well anyway now my husband sees this as some kind of admission of guilt , so now no matter what the results he's going to think I'm guilty of who knows what ! The joke of it is I have to idea when or how he thinks I would cheat ! The only place I ever go is Tesco alone , only have males on my fb that I'm related to , have a handful of people's phone number (all family except maybe 3) and I literally have no life outside the home so to speak ! We have cctv that shows the front and back of house so no one could come and go without being seen . I've told him it was a stupid comment but he won't accept it ,,,, I know what he's like and now this will be the sort of thing that he's going to bring up over the years which will end in big rows ! I feel like he's accusing me with no good reason ,, he feels like I wouldn't say something like that without something to hide ! Thoughts ????

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/01/2019 14:14

I don't understand. If there's an sti, he's the one who has it!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/01/2019 14:14

Ok so he's an arse and sounds quite unpleasant but it's simple. Get yourself tested for an STI and show him the negative results.

Not that you should have to, but it might shut him up.

Wolfiefan · 09/01/2019 14:15

Why don’t you ever go anywhere alone?
Why don’t you have people’s phone numbers?
CCTV? Why?
Is he controlling?
It was a weird comment but it shouldn’t be causing big rows.

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/01/2019 14:17

Almost sounds like he’s deflecting - making sure that, although he is the one who may have an STI, you are the one being questioned and doubted.

Amazing technique.

Bombardier25966 · 09/01/2019 14:17

Has your husband actually accused you of sleeping with someone else? It's not clear what has been said.

userschmoozer · 09/01/2019 14:17

There's a chance he has an STI and he's trying to put the blame on to you.
I suggest you get tested for everything, and use a barrier method of contraception if you have sex with him again.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/01/2019 14:19

I was also going to ask why your contact with men/anyone is so limited. "The one place I go to alone is Tesco' sounds pretty isolating to be honest.

Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 14:21

He hasn't had the Sti test but I know no matter what the result he's now going to think I'm guilty (which I'm not!) we've been together nearly 18 years so a long time. The cctv is because we live in a horrid area but I was just thinking it would prove no one comes in or out ? I will admit he's a bit controlling which is why I don't go out I suppose but I wouldn't have anyone to go with anyway ,,, really though that's not what this post is about , I'm just wondering if you're partner said the "joke" that I said without any other reason to suspect them would you take it further ?

OP posts:
Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 14:23

I should say if I wouldn't thought before I spoke I would never had said it as I'm well aware of exactly what he would think !

OP posts:
JudasPrudy · 09/01/2019 14:23

So he's potentially got himself an STI and decided to make out like you're the one who brought it home. Nice.

Bombardier25966 · 09/01/2019 14:23

Has he accused you of sleeping with someone?

Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 14:23

The fact is it's going to come back clear for STI but I've now put doubt in his mind 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 09/01/2019 14:25

Well, tell him that you’ll have an STI test if he does too, so he can see that you’re innocent.

If he doesn’t want to do that then the answer is clear: he’s worried that his infidelity has given his something.

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/01/2019 14:25

Is he having one too? The test?

whatsthepointthen · 09/01/2019 14:28

Well he will probably say you got treated before taking the test and didnt tell him so thats why only he has it... by the sounds of it.

Travisandthemonkey · 09/01/2019 14:28

Go and get a test, because it’s highly likely he’s past it onto you
And yes he sounds controlling

Your life does not sound fun in ANYWAY

Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 14:29

To clarify , husband is having STI test to rule it out and then that means kidney stones ! He's now brought up the subject of a lie detector test ,, maybe I'm being unreasonable but I thinks that's ridiculous and ott !

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/01/2019 14:30

A normal reaction would be something like "ooh, immaculate infection?"

Your DH is showing you a less pleasant side. There must be a reason for this...

Huggybear16 · 09/01/2019 14:31

You're focussing on the wrong thing OP.

If he has an STI, then HE has cheated.
If he doesn't have an STI, he may not have cheated, but he's still an arsehole.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/01/2019 14:32

It appears that you truly have no idea that you are in a very abusive and controlling relationship. You need to get out.

Bombardier25966 · 09/01/2019 14:32

I thinks that's ridiculous and ott !

So in the past six minutes he has suggested a lie detector test?

I thinks something is ridiculous too! Hmm

Wolfiefan · 09/01/2019 14:32

Honestly? He’s more than “a bit” controlling. So why are you surprised he’s behaving like the controlling bully he so clearly is?

Shoxfordian · 09/01/2019 14:34

He sounds very jealous and controlling
Why do you put up with this shit?

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/01/2019 14:36

A lie detector test? Go mad at him.

“You have been told by doctors you may have an STI and I’m the problem? You need to prove yourself, not me!”

He sounds like an arsehole.

MoreCheeseDear · 09/01/2019 14:36

Another who thinks you shouldn't put up with his shit.

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