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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

STI test "joke"

83 replies

Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 14:13

Ok I'll try to keep this brief ! Husband went to a&e last night with bad stomachs pains ,,, phoned me on way home and they had said it was one of two things ,,, kidney stone or an STI . Stupidly I made a throwaway comment of omg imagine if i caught an Sti off a toilet seat ,,, I laughed , it was a joke . I was tired and said it without thinking ,,, I know you can't even catch anything that way ! I honestly don't know why I said it , I was just talking without thinking ! Well anyway now my husband sees this as some kind of admission of guilt , so now no matter what the results he's going to think I'm guilty of who knows what ! The joke of it is I have to idea when or how he thinks I would cheat ! The only place I ever go is Tesco alone , only have males on my fb that I'm related to , have a handful of people's phone number (all family except maybe 3) and I literally have no life outside the home so to speak ! We have cctv that shows the front and back of house so no one could come and go without being seen . I've told him it was a stupid comment but he won't accept it ,,,, I know what he's like and now this will be the sort of thing that he's going to bring up over the years which will end in big rows ! I feel like he's accusing me with no good reason ,, he feels like I wouldn't say something like that without something to hide ! Thoughts ????

OP posts:
edwardsmellytitty · 09/01/2019 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 14:38

We've been together a long time so I'm well aware what he's like so his reaction to this is of no suprise to me whatsoever ! I just wondered if anyone else would suspect their partner on just a comment with no other reason ? Really I just get annoyed because it makes me think he thinks so little of me that when I pop to Tesco who knows maybe I see a man on his own and pounce on him ! (Not exactly but you know what I mean)

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 09/01/2019 14:42

I don’t actually. This behaviour is not normal at all. I couldn’t live with someone like that.

Huggybear16 · 09/01/2019 14:42

@edwardsmellytitty

I'm so confused by your post. I'm laughing, but I don't know exactly why.....

Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 14:44

Omg I was so confused by that comment too , so random 😂

OP posts:
museumum · 09/01/2019 14:45

No way could i live with that level of control. I'd be tempted to get an STI test - if he has cheated and has one then you may too, and if he hasn't/doesn't you can shove your negative down his throat.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2019 14:49

Pathetic. Give him he number of Jeremy Kyle and tell him you’re going out for a cocktail. 🙄

I hope he isn’t usually like this. Poor you.

BobLemon · 09/01/2019 14:50

Surely he meant “UTI” Confused

Lovemusic33 · 09/01/2019 14:54

Why don’t you go anywhere other than Tesco alone? Why don’t you have male friends? He sounds controlling and his reaction to what you said is not normal. I couldn’t put up with this shit. If he does have a STI it’s because he has cheated, I think he’s worried and is trying to accuse you of catching something.

TheOrigFV45 · 09/01/2019 14:54

He sounds like a really horrible man. How is your feeling of self-worth?
Do you have friends that you see?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/01/2019 14:58

No one in a healthy relationship knows "what you mean." Nothing about this is normal or healthy. I fear you are so brainwashed by years of his abuse that you will never be able to take the blinders off. Call Women's Aid and get help.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/01/2019 15:00

Agree he may have confused UTI with STI.
Also agree that he sounds horrible and abusive.

Sarahjconnor · 09/01/2019 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 09/01/2019 15:03

The issue isn't the joke it's the fact you are in a controlling and potentially abusive relationship

Winterfellwench · 09/01/2019 15:04

YEP I reckon he has played away, and thinks he may have an STI, and it touched a raw nerve.

Me and DH joke about shit like that now and again (I itch a bit down there coz it's hot! - probably crabs he says - cheeky twat I say and thrown a pillow at him!)

That's what 'normal' couples do - rip the shit out of each other occasionally.

Also, my DH doesn't know where I am half the time, and I don't know where HE is. We don't care.

Sounds like a controlling and manipulative partner sorry OP

SouthernComforts · 09/01/2019 15:05

He's a controlling prick.

WinterfellWench · 09/01/2019 15:06

I really wanna know what @edwardsmellietitty said now!

MissWilmottsGhost · 09/01/2019 15:06

Agree he has probably been told "possible infection" and has jumped to the conclusion they mean a sexually transmitted one.

He is being a total arse about it though, and as pp have pointed out, it may be deflection.

Birdsgottafly · 09/01/2019 15:07

Get an STI check ASAP, so he doesn't have chance to pass it to you and use it as a stick to beat you with.

He's played away. You're not only putting up with a twat, but an unfaithful twat.

Look to end things.

Sonneedshelp · 09/01/2019 15:07

I'm finding your post extremely disturbing! As others have asked, why have you got this level of control around you!?

MikeUniformMike · 09/01/2019 15:08

You go on your own to Tesco? Unchaperoned? Absolutely alone? haven't you heard about online shopping?
God knows what you might have picked up there.

gamerchick · 09/01/2019 15:09

He's probably got mixed up with h UTI OP but tbh I would go for a screen in case he's projecting a guilty conscience. Has it not occured to you that he's the one who might have cheated?

Badstyley · 09/01/2019 15:10

Wouldn’t a UTI be confirmed by a urine test, usually done at the consultation?

OP get yourself to the GUM clinic and get tested for everything. If he’s got an STI then he’s more than likely passed it on to you and you need treatment. STIs can have much much worse health implications if left untreated. Don’t have unprotected sex with him until you find out, by seeing the results yourself that he’s clean.

Seriously though, this sounds fucked up. Your relationship does not sound like a healthy one. You need some independence. If he won’t let you have it then you know what you should do. We’re all WTFing because this just sounds wrong.

Bluetrews25 · 09/01/2019 15:15

Well known phenomenon on here - jealous, controlling men who accuse their innocent, virtually captive women of cheating, when they are the ones who are actually doing the cheating. Seen it many times. Absolute classic.

Sorry, OP.
How long do you want to put up with this? Until the violence starts?

Parsleyisntfood · 09/01/2019 15:17

I agre that this isn’t about the joke. Me and DH have a ridiculous running joke where if one of us changes plans and comes back earlier or later than expected we say something along the lines of “just got my boyfriend over the back fence in time” or “I told my gf you were in a meeting till 5”. Juvenile I know, but it’s never sparked suspicion because we are secure and not controlling.
You sound really worried about his reaction and that isn’t good.