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Original poster

STI test "joke"

83 replies

Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 14:13

Ok I'll try to keep this brief ! Husband went to a&e last night with bad stomachs pains ,,, phoned me on way home and they had said it was one of two things ,,, kidney stone or an STI . Stupidly I made a throwaway comment of omg imagine if i caught an Sti off a toilet seat ,,, I laughed , it was a joke . I was tired and said it without thinking ,,, I know you can't even catch anything that way ! I honestly don't know why I said it , I was just talking without thinking ! Well anyway now my husband sees this as some kind of admission of guilt , so now no matter what the results he's going to think I'm guilty of who knows what ! The joke of it is I have to idea when or how he thinks I would cheat ! The only place I ever go is Tesco alone , only have males on my fb that I'm related to , have a handful of people's phone number (all family except maybe 3) and I literally have no life outside the home so to speak ! We have cctv that shows the front and back of house so no one could come and go without being seen . I've told him it was a stupid comment but he won't accept it ,,,, I know what he's like and now this will be the sort of thing that he's going to bring up over the years which will end in big rows ! I feel like he's accusing me with no good reason ,, he feels like I wouldn't say something like that without something to hide ! Thoughts ????

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 09/01/2019 15:20

I'm just wondering if you're partner said the "joke" that I said without any other reason to suspect them would you take it further ?

I would think it weird. If person A was saying they could possibly have an STI, why would person B immediately make a joke about it coming from them?

My immediate reaction to person A would be well where the fuck did you possibly get an STI from.

Eliza9917 · 09/01/2019 15:21

Although I also agree he's deflected brilliantly.

diddl · 09/01/2019 15:25

" Well anyway now my husband sees this as some kind of admission of guilt , "

How convenient for him than if he has got an sti it'll be your faultHmm

PolkaDoting · 09/01/2019 15:28

Totally odd!

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers · 09/01/2019 15:29

I very much doubt the doctor said it's either stones or an STI. Sounds like he's making up crap to try and get you to admit to cheating as he's a controlling weirdo.

Huggybear16 · 09/01/2019 15:37

I very much doubt the doctor said it's either stones or an STI

I agree. Unless your husband told the doctor that he has a history of kidney stones and frequently enjoys unprotected sex with several different people.

1Wildheartsease · 09/01/2019 15:38

A urinary tract infection has similar symptoms to a kidney stone. (I'm lucky enough to have had both.) Being tested for a UTI would make sense.

A husband who thinks that joke means his wife is unfaithful is not reacting in a normal way. This reaction would not be acceptable to most people. However, some relationships thrive on jealousy. Perhaps it is something you are happy with? If not then you might need to re-think this relationship. To most of us it sounds as if he is oddly controlling .

otheractivities · 09/01/2019 15:39

Birdsgottafly Wed 09-Jan-19 15:07:07
Get an STI check ASAP, so he doesn't have chance to pass it to you and use it as a stick to beat you with.

He's played away. You're not only putting up with a twat, but an unfaithful twat.

Look to end things.

Have you actually read any of the OPs posts? , she has said he is going to be tested, not that he has an STI !!

Birdsgottafly · 09/01/2019 15:47

"Wouldn’t a UTI be confirmed by a urine test, usually done at the consultation?"

Not all of them, some take time to send off. An ex had similar symptoms and it turned out to be Gonorrhoea. Give him his due (I suppose), he warned me and didn't have sex with me after a Stag do.

otheractivities, I have read the post and I've been around a lot of cheating Men, it's classic deflection.

I'd put money on him having sex with the OP in the hope that he'd pass it and she's the guilty one. If it turns out to be that.

The OP is in an abusive relationship. Abusive Men think so little of their Partner, they think nothing about cheating.

3timeslucky · 09/01/2019 15:52

I had to read your post several times to work out how your partner (possibly) having an STI quickly became you being in the wrong. I'm not at all clear why you suggested it might have come from you. If dh told me he had an STI I'd be 100% certain it was he who had picked it up. Do you think it was you? If it wasn't you it was clearly him. His reaction is really odd/off.

FuzzyShadowChatter · 09/01/2019 15:57

I agree his story doesn't make sense and that I don't think a doctor would say STI or kidney stones as the only options. It does sound like deflection mixed with lies or mishearing the doctor which can happen especially when in a lot of pain and a very controlling, nasty OTT reaction.

My spouse has a history of kidney stones and generally, they've also been concerned about other infections like - as previously mentioned - UTIs or bladder infections or kidney infections as well as autoimmune conditions that make kidney stones more common. Since it's severe stomach pain - and no mention of back pain or peeing blood - that seems really odd for kidney stones. If he hasn't told the OP but did tell the doctor about peeing blood, I can see those two being options, but options out of several others.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/01/2019 15:59

why are you drip-feeding OP Hmm

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2019 16:11

Ah of course, uti, I thought the Sti thing a bit odd. In any case he sounds like a right dick.

Porridgeprincess · 09/01/2019 16:15

People who are suggesting the OP get a test to prove him wrong, if he has it, she has it too if she slept with him

Sounds like he has indeed deflected or sees this as a brilliant way to further control you even though he knows full well you have not cheated

MikeUniformMike · 09/01/2019 16:19

OP could get a test and use it as proof of his adultery, unless she gets up to all sorts on her way to Tesco.

Original poster
Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 16:20

Didn't realise I was drip feeding , was just answering people's questions !!! I was trying to keep the story brief so maybe didn't give all details ! Yes there was blood in urine , pain in side and back and few days ago a fever , I didn't mention before as I have no reason to think it's not kidney stones ! My question was just about my comment as to wether it was fair to think I'd cheated because of what I said ! Anyway thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply !

OP posts:
Porridgeprincess · 09/01/2019 16:21

Not at all fair OP, esp as he has you tightly in his grasp, Mind yourself xx

OracleofDelphi · 09/01/2019 16:23

wow thats a bit of a jump!! So your DH might have an STI but apparently its your fault because you made a joke about it. If tis doesnt demonstrate some deeply controlling EA behaviour or reek of him having done something he shouldnt have, I dont know what does.

Do not get tested to "prove him wrong". What happens if he has done the dirty on you and youve caught it? Just refuse to engage which such ridiculous issues. Surely they will test him to see if he has an STI or kidney stones... ?

I have a friend whose husband is more than happy to reminicse about past girlfriends but get the royal hump if she refers to an ex ! Confused
Ignore and refuse to engage in this nonsense. I think it does highlight something deeply weird about his attitude and levels of paranoia tbh

MamaLovesMango · 09/01/2019 16:39

I feel like I need a flow chart to understand this one but anyway....

I also reckon he’s muddled up UTI with STI. The question is, has he muddled them up on purpose?

Bluetrews25 · 09/01/2019 17:20

Or has he muddled STI with UTI because of guilty conscience fear that he has picked something up? He would blame OP for it if he had, even without her 'joke', of that we can be sure.

OutPinked · 09/01/2019 17:35

So you’re trapped in the house all day and he has the ability to watch whether you leave during the day or not via CCTV? You also have no friends and only leave the house to go to the supermarket?

There are much bigger issues in this relationship than taking a joke the wrong way...

Original poster
Sparklydewdrops · 09/01/2019 19:14

Update : husbands home from work ,,, I asked him to read the responses here , he rufused , says he doesn't care what strangers say . He said he's organising a lie detector test , I said I don't particularly believe in them and he started the whole ohhhhh so you refuse to do one then ,,,, so basically saying if I don't then I'm lying . His point is that by saying imagine if I caught an std off a toilet seat I was trying to make my excuses fast so if the test came back positive then I'd get away with it . He says I was def not joking. I'm drained from this whole thing already , I can't believe just one sentence has caused all this ! He's like a dog with a bone with things like this and I don't know what to do ! If I don't do the test he'll say I'm lying but if I do I'll feel humiliated and I always have the fear it would give an incorrect reading and then he'd never believe me ! I can see in his face he's getting fuming but the worst thing is I've done absolutely nothing wrong !!! No matter what I say it's making no difference !

OP posts:
gamerchick · 09/01/2019 19:18

Seriously OP tell him to fuck off and to leave you alone until he behaves like an adult.

Lie detector test indeed. I'd be asking him to go first because you're now thinking he's been fucking about given the way he's behaving.

MamaLovesMango · 09/01/2019 19:23

Does he even have a fucking STI or not?! If not, then he’d need not worry surely?!

Tell him:

A) you have indeed cheated. They all had cocks twice the size and were better in the sack than he ever could be.
B) go and have a moan at Jeremy Kyle because no one cares.
C) you’re done with his nonsense so you’re leaving.
D) all of the above.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 09/01/2019 19:26

If DH asked me to do a lie detector test he'd be out on his arse within the first three minutes because it's simply another way of saying "I don't trust you" to the person you love. And if there's no trust, there's no relationship.

OP, you need to decide if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who manipulates and abuses you. Because he won't change. He won't grow. He won't evolve.

OP's DH, if you're reading this, rest assured that it's not "strangers opinions" declaring you a tosspot with controlling ways. It's a fact. You're an arsehole and you don't deserve her. You want to humiliate and degrade her? Change your shitty behaviour because one day she's going to see through your shitshow and leave you. And every single one of us here will be cheering her on.

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