Summer born babies - am I wrong?

[Sunflowermuma]

Hi all, I'm probably BU particularly as my friends plans don't actually have any impact on me but

I have 2DD D1 is 3 and May Born. DD2 is 6m July Born

My friend has 3 kids. DS aged 7Sept, DD 3Aug and DS 5mAug

Our two daughters are both due to start school in September at different schools, my friend told me this week how she is in contact with the school to have her daughter start Sept 2020 instead as she's summer born. I asked why as her daughter is already in nursery 5 days, has no health issues and certainly isn't behind on development. Her reasoning? She just doesn't want a child to be youngest in the year.

Her son is very bright and doing really well at school and she puts that down to his sept birthday.

I queried her and said someone has to be the youngest and surely if she doesn't have any developmental issues the school will just say no. She replied saying that she'll make something up as she'll do what she can to get her DD ahead. Again this made no sense to me as surely having another year at nursery won't be good for her and she may get picked on once the other kids realise? She got a bit snappy with me and told me to mind my own so I now feel bad for questioning her, I was polite and tbh just trying to understand her thinking

Do people really do this? I understand delaying for developmental reasons but just to make your child the oldest instead of youngest?

Mollycoddler here too! And worth every moment of seeing my DS bound into school happily at age five. It would have been a different story aged 4.

But it now (like we were promised in 2015) needs to be a standard admissions policy, applying to all children, across every county, instead of being the postcode lottery that it is.

I understand that if you have a baby born after 1st April you can decide whether they start school that september or a year later but I also thought they would start at year 1 so they would still be the youngest in the year and have a year less experience of school!

"I'm going to take a wild stab in tbe dark here and guess you've not read through tje full thread ..."

ROFL :)

Besides the teachers do know that some of them are a lot younger and accommodate that

Pmsl

This is definitely one of those things were “one size does not fit all”.

My eldest is September born, but struggled massively with school (he was later diagnosed with Aspergers). My youngest is August born & on the “top table” - so in the top 6 for ability in her year group - for both maths & English.

A friend of mine did make the decision to delay her July born twins start at school for 12 months. They were prem babies and slightly behind other 3 year olds (at the time of application) developmentally. She has been able to have them start in Reception (so no missing a year) & is happy that her decision was the right one.

To delay my August born child for a year would not have been the right decision (or a totally pointless one at least).

@mummybearboo that was the case until 2015. Now you can request they start a year later in Reception and they remain in tbat year group throughout

@coffeerunner - exactly this! Some are ready some are not it's a personal choice but i am really glad we have the option. Had my two not had a really tough start to life i might not be considering it, i know lots of parents who aren't because they feel their child is ready. I am sure mine will benefit from an extra year to catch up where they are "behind" the children who will be starting this year.

Dd2 was a physically tiny summer born reception starter. Despite this she was ready and able and has turned out to be pretty much top table top sets throughout and I guess would have coasted or been bored rigid a year behind. I was glad she benefitted from mixed year groups in classes for PE though which has been harder for her.

I'm a summer born myself and whilst I achieved academically I always felt much less mature than my peers (because I was).

I now have a summer born myself (an August born boy) and I'm planning on attempting to start him in reception at Compulsory School Age (so he will be 5 years and 2 weeks).

Unfortunately I live in Solihull which is openly hostile to children being educated "out of year group". I'm a member of the Flexible Admissions for Summer Borns group on Facebook and it is incredibly frustrating that some LEAs will allow it, no questions asked, and others (like mine) make parents fight tooth and nail.

Thanks to those of you on here who are helping to address the woeful ignorance on the subject - fellow mollycoddler here too.

tatty it is incredibly frustrating, and ridiculous, given that four years ago we were promised a consultation which hasn’t happened yet.

And, that the refusing LAs are supposed to in the interim be allowing full parental choice.

Sb74 - as a retired teacher of 40 years teaching Primary ( 4-11) and a lot of that time in Reception ( different counties, different schools ) I can say with experience that, in Reception, there is a marked difference between the abilities of an average child born in September and one born the following August. This still shows as they progress up to 11 yrs old.

We deferred DS.

It was a horrifically difficult decision and process. We agonised, believe me.

It was made much much much worse by every single person I faintly know feeling completely free to judge me, sticking their noses in, commenting on my decision and my child. Two people accosted me at the school gates on separate occasions to tell me what their mums thought. Genuinely. People who don't know the circumstances, don't know my DS and have not read the reams of research and evidence I used to try and make a decision in the best interests of my child.

Mind your own business.

Well said, arewenearlythereyet

@ginpin2 👍

@arewenearlythereyet ❤

@arwenearlythereyet that’s really awful! It’s got absolutely nothing to do with anyone else yet they feel they have the right to judge and question you. I have to say my own experience was the complete opposite, every single person I’ve discussed it with has been in total agreement with us that our son was just to young and immature. I had so so many people tell me good for us and how they wish they could have done that with their children years ago as their child struggled so much and how waiting a year would defined have helped them. All the other reception parents that I’ve discussed it with have said he’s definitely in the right year group and that we made the right decision. You wouldn’t have any idea that he’s the eldest in the year at all and he still doesn’t really understand that he’s the eldest, he just doesn’t grasp that sort of thing which still shows his immaturity. It’s obviously only been a few months but he certainly seems to be thriving now, the first few weeks he wasn’t keen as he found the long days hard going but now he’s really happy. Everyone just needs to do what’s best for their child regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. 😊

@sunshine6

Lucky here too I guess, had lots of questions but from genuine interest, rather than interrogation. Many people simply don't know it's even an option.

This of course could change when we get to the school gates!! Absolutely right for our DC but not for everyone.
Glad it's been so positive for you, am sure it will be for us too

When D's started school.aged 4 years 4 months a classmates mum had a babe in arms still breastfeeding, not walking aged just 1. I had a nearly 2 year old doing laps of the playground on her scooter, chatting awayto the mums and children .3 years later they went in to the same reception class. Dd is 12 now, this little girl is still behind the others and really struggled throughout primary

Hi we had this too.

All I can say is that there are arguments against what we did on a societal level. In some way, those parents who stuck their noses in felt they were defending their own child's best interests.
The arguments against don't hold water under scrutiny though.

"It was made much much much worse by every single person I faintly know feeling completely free to judge me, sticking their noses in, commenting on my decision and my child. Two people accosted me at the school gates on separate occasions to tell me what their mums thought. Genuinely. People who don't know the circumstances, don't know my DS and have not read the reams of research and evidence I used to try and make a decision in the best interests of my child."

Does anyone know if it is possible to keep a child in primary to start a year later at secondary school ? Our yr 4 grandaughter's delays were not so apparent before she started school and we did put everything down to her being an August birthday. Dorset does not like children "out of proper school year" but I just wondered if anyone had experience of this? I know of twin boys years ago in the school I was teaching at who moved up a year early. They were very bright disruptive year 6 boys and the move suited everyone.

@GinPin2, I think it depends on the admissions policies of the school your granddaughter is in and the one she is planning on going to; but there are lots of posters on here with much more expertise than me.

@sunshine and @angela oh I am so glad my experience was not common to everyone and that you had interested support rather than interfering criticism. We were one of the first at the school to try it, so maybe that's why?

I want my August 31st boy with congenital brain abnormalities but so far normal development, to start at csa in reception. unfortunately I live in Wales where it is a blanket policy of no and unlike England they do not need to give any reasons/justifications for their decision. So it's either move to England (very very unlikely) or part time education aged 4 and a few days. It makes me feel quite depressed. I am a September born and still struggled emotionally and socially starting aged 5. I did well academics getting mostly As and A*s with a few Bs. If i was summerborn I think I still would have done quite well academically but it would be more Bs and Cs. I didn't really notice I was practically a year older than many if my class mates until about year 10.

@GinPin2 I don’t know the answer for sure but am just assuming it might not be possible as it would mean them repeating the same work for a second year. Hopefully someone else will have knowledge/experience and be able to answer your query properly. Secondary School is a huge step for most kids anyway so even harder if they are behind either emotionally, academically or physically. I’m dreading my DS going to secondary in a few years as she’s tiny for her age on top of being the youngest ☹️

arewenearlythere- You say 'Mind your own business- but it might be that parents putting their DC into school in year, discovering that half the class is anything from a day to 11 months and 29 days older than their child might consider it their business!

In Australia where I lived for years, in the private schools it became so common for parents to hold their child back a year that they had to change sports teams to U7, U8 etc as Y2 or Y3 could well contain DC almost 2 years bigger than some of the kids!

@miljah but that happens anyway. I was 11 months younger than children in my class???

We already play sport by age here not year.