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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about what the teacher said

89 replies

247mummsy · 08/01/2019 07:47

My son is 6, his teacher seems sweet but I’ve heard from other mums having been told from their children that she shouts and is quite stern, my son also says this. I don’t mind her being stern. My son can be quite sensitive, but the other day he bumped heads with someone and cried, and she said ‘you cry too much’. When he told me this his eyes filled up. AIBU to think a teacher shouldn’t be saying this to a 6 year old? Or am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
Urbanbeetler · 08/01/2019 07:49

Probably too sensitive to be honest. Ask your son how much he cries in school perhaps?

BarbarianMum · 08/01/2019 07:52

It does sound a bit mean but does he cry to much? In any case I wouldnt give too much headspace to a throwaway comment.

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 08/01/2019 07:55

She probably should be asking to talk to you about this if she's overly concerned.
She may have said it very kindly, maybe trying to get to the bottom of why your son cries?
It must be tough having 30 little ones in one room and if one is crying for no obvious reason- that must be a little frustrating.

Ask to speak to her- and try to get to the bottom of why your son is feeling so sensitive.

Mistigri · 08/01/2019 07:55

What's "crying too much"? Would she say the same thing to a girl?

Need more context but it's the sort of thing teachers should say carefully, or not at all (and definitely not as a throw away comment).

MarthasGinYard · 08/01/2019 08:01

Sometimes it's not relayed back, as it was actually said.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/01/2019 08:06

Does he cry too much?

Original poster
247mummsy · 08/01/2019 09:09

To be honest he does often cry when he’s hurt himself even though I’ve always said up you jump etc rather than making a big deal of it. I’m not going to speak to her about it as maybe he will stop crying easily with it coming from her, but I just wanted another opinion as I sort of thought she should either say it in a better way to him or to me as she’s not always in the playground so I don’t think she’s seen him cry much, considering he’s only been in the class since September.

OP posts:
YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 08/01/2019 09:12

But you don't know how she's said it to him?
And you expect her to speak to you about it (1 of 30 parents) but you are not willing to speak to her. You are concerned enough to post but not enough to speak to the teacher about why your son is crying so much at school?

masterandmargarita · 08/01/2019 09:12

Primary school teachers should be kinder than that. Yanbu

Huffleypuff · 08/01/2019 09:13

He’s 6 ffs. She shouldn’t be saying that.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/01/2019 09:15

6 is young, I knew someone who still cried when they hurt themselves at 13 which was weird but it's still fairly normal at 6.

Neverunderfed · 08/01/2019 09:16

Depending on tone it is a bit mean. If it was said warmly, like "I don't like to see you sad" type thing then that's one thing. Otherwise...he's only 6!

Neverunderfed · 08/01/2019 09:17

My 6 yr old's teacher gives them a cuddle when they hurt themselves or are sad at drop off, which is lovely

ILoveChristmasLights · 08/01/2019 09:17

I think it’s an unnecessary and mean thing to say to a 6 yo. Why shouldn’t he cry if he gets hurt? Not everyone has the same pain threshold either, so what might not seem much of a bump to some will really hurt others. Even if he’s crying over other things, he’s doing it because he’s hurting and doesn’t have a better way (yet) to express it. What he needs is empathy, not bitchy comments.

Productrecall · 08/01/2019 09:19

I sort of thought she should either say it in a better way to him
You only heard second hand from DS though, who probably only relayed the core of what she said, not the whole thing, nor the tone or manner in which it was said. And if he does cry too much it's going to be v disruptive and time consuming in a classroom. Esp as he's already had a term in that class (so is familiar and settled with teacher and peers) and shouldn't be in a situation where he's crying a lot at school....

Fakeflowersandlemonade · 08/01/2019 09:19

I'm a TA and occasionally we get children that cry ALOT when this happens day in day out and you have other children to deal with it can get very frustrating. She should be speaking to you about the crying though so you are aware if it's a problem.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/01/2019 09:29

and she said ‘you cry too much’. When he told me this his eyes filled up

I've just read this bit, it sounds to me like he does cry a lot and not just when he is hurt.

Original poster
247mummsy · 08/01/2019 09:32

Thanks for the comments, I know I heard it second hand which is the reason I asked other Mums with children in the same class what their children had said. My son doesn’t cry in the classroom, I have been to parents evening and nothing was said, he also tells me when he cries, only if he hurt himself, it’s not all the time.

OP posts:
Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 08/01/2019 09:37

Children don’t always report things accurately. The teacher could have said ‘aww, sweetie, you cry too much. What’s wrong? what happened?’ The teacher could have also said ‘stop sniveling, you annoying little brat, you cry too much’.

Realistically, it was probably somewhere in between.

If you are not going to speak to her about it to find out which way (again, I would put money on it being somewhere in between), it doesn’t really matter.

Kahlua4me · 08/01/2019 09:43

My son cried frequently when he was that age so I am sure his teachers said it to him frequently! Once he started at secondary it all stopped and he is tough now 😊

The best thing you can do really is to teach him self reliance and inner confidence rather than ask the teacher about what happened.

TigerTooth · 08/01/2019 09:47

Sometimes teachers say things that perhaps they shouldn't - this is not too bad a comment - if she's said he cries too much then he obviously does cry more than average and she's got a bit frustrated. It can really disruptive to have a constant cryer in a class. It's a stressful job and If she's shouting then she's stressed. I would say nothing but keep monitoring and if you're concerned then have a conversation with her.

ittakes2 · 08/01/2019 09:52

Crying is an emotion and no-one can help the emotions they have. So yes, 6 or even 66 - I agree its not something she should have said to him no matter how much he cries (or not).

JanuarySnowdrops · 08/01/2019 09:52

I used to be accused of crying too much then when the underlying bullying stopped (being always given creased paper for wall projects, pencils being hidden, chair being pulled away as I sat down, people forcibly pushing me to the back of the lunch queue, my coat being in the boys toilets etc) then oddly enough I stopped being prone to tears. Hmm

FrLukeDuke · 08/01/2019 09:57

I had one child who cried very easily and one who only cried when really hurt. The one who cried easily actually ended up with really good social skills and is quite well liked at secondary. It would have upset her being told she cried too much at 6. Could you ask if his crying is a problem at school?

FuckingYuleLog · 08/01/2019 09:58

If that’s what she said verbatim then it sounds harsh but I know I’ve had to have a word with my own kids for screaming like they’re dying over tiny knocks (then going completely and abruptly silent when something interests them so obviously not particularly in pain). I’ve told them I won’t know when they’re actually seriously hurt if they make a massive fuss every time so ime kids can overdo it.