AIBU about what the teacher said

[247mummsy]

My son is 6, his teacher seems sweet but I’ve heard from other mums having been told from their children that she shouts and is quite stern, my son also says this. I don’t mind her being stern. My son can be quite sensitive, but the other day he bumped heads with someone and cried, and she said ‘you cry too much’. When he told me this his eyes filled up. AIBU to think a teacher shouldn’t be saying this to a 6 year old? Or am I being too sensitive?

Actually if he only cries when hurt, I wouldn't have thought that he did cry too much. (I suppose that if he screamed at the slightest bump that would be disproportionate. That's what my DD1 can be like.)

But most children of his age cry at other times, for example when no one will play with them, or if a child says to them, 'You're not my best friend anymore.' (Or is that just a thing with girls??) But the OP says he doesn't do this, and copes well with teasing about his difficulties with running. So he doesn't sound all that sensitive.

I think you need to hear the other side of this conversation really.

I have one this age too...& The utter bollocks she comes out with about school is quite spectacular. Within the utter bollocks, us the odd accuracy, and a lot of half truth and her own views.

Listen to your child. Tell them you'll chat to the teacher. Ask the teacher and/or TA if they think your DC has been rather emotional lately, what might be causing it.

I'd hope it wasn't said nastily, and that it was done in a concerned way like a OP said. It's fine to ask the teacher. Don't accuse though. Get the whole picture....ideally from more than one adult!

@productrecall I didn't mention if he was hurt because I would assume it's very normal for a child to cry if they get hurt and if that was why the teacher said it I would be pretty peed off actually.

I don't get why my comment was deleted?
Who reported it, for what?
I certainly don't disagree that if a 6 or old is hurt they will prob cry. But if my child had been told they cried too much at school, and I thought they only cried when hurt, id definitely be trying to get to the bottom of why they were being hurt so often!

I regularly tell my four year old that he cries too much. Often his crying is somewhat exaggerated. It’s irritating and unessecary. I wouldn’t say that to someone else’s child. But I could imagine that if I was a teacher having a hard day and a six year old behaved that way I would snap and reprimand them. It’s really not an appropriate way to behave at that age.

As a primary school teacher I would say that a chat with the teacher can generally sort most things out. Most of us are there to help the children and to work with parents. If you have a concern share it with us so that something minor doesn't escalate into a much bigger issue.

My 6 yr old's teacher gives them a cuddle

This is surprising, my OH's school were warned not to do it over 30 years ago. Even if a child is sobbing never put yourself in the position that someone could misinterpret what you're doing, your job and reputation are more valuable. Very harsh sounding but these days especially so true.

My 6 yr old's teacher gives them a cuddle

This is surprising, my OH's school were warned not to do it over 30 years ago. Even if a child is sobbing never put yourself in the position that someone could misinterpret what you're doing, your job and reputation are more valuable. Very harsh sounding but these days especially so true.

My DD1 (9) has always gone to her teachers for cuddles (she's devastated at moving to another class every year, she gets very attached) , and they haven't stopped that, apart from her year 2 teacher, who was male.

He made a point of telling me that she was doing that, which I very much appreciated, though it really hit me how hard it must be for male teachers at times. The female teachers have never felt the need to highlight the issue to me.

It's always been in full view of others, hence having seen it. I'm sure he wouldn't do it alone in the classroom for example.

I don't personally think you're being unreasonable.

Your DS is responding to something that is troubling him in the only way he knows how. For him, it's crying.

Does he cry too much? Maybe!

Should the teacher respond to his crying by saying; "you cry too much?"

No, I don't believe so.

When my son was 7 when I was approached by his teacher whom felt he had some special needs. He cried a lot too. He truly couldn't help it and it was because he was overwhelmed and not coping. This manifested into full panic attacks eventually. When my son was 9, he was diagnosed with Autism, sleep disorder and anxiety!

We all shouldn't just assume that they cry too much because they're sulky children. My son has been in and out of schools since, because a lot of teachers lack compassion for children that need a little extra support. Some children become a burden to said teachers. There's plenty of wonderful, attentive teachers too, of course. Thankfully, my son is now in a special needs school. The teachers are wonderful.

My point is, it may very well be something you need to worry about, regarding his teacher. There might be further reasons behind your son's emotional reactions. We really are not qualified to say because we just don't know the in-depths of your circumstances, really.

I would absolutely speak to the teacher. I would ask her if he cries too much and whether this is something that is concerning her, as your son had mentioned that she had made a comment about him crying too much. Just make it clear to her that if she feels he cries too much, that you would like to get to the bottom of why. Work with her on this.

Good luck.

Thank you, that’s helpful, maybe I will have an informal chat with her. I do sometimes wonder if he has something mild, as he can tend to talk a lot, not sit still at the table etc but he’s also quite bright for his age (he’s an August baby so the youngest his class but ahead of some of the others).

My son is very intelligent too, OP.
Having an autistic child means I know everything I could possibly want to know about World War 1, and World War 2!

Haha bless him.