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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about my partners alarm

89 replies

247mummsy · 08/01/2019 07:21

AIBU? We have a 12 week old baby, she’s suddenly gone from waking once in the night to now waking about 1.15am and between 4.30 and 5.30am (today was 5.30 so yes I’m feeling tired atm). I get that my partner has to get up for work, but he has his alarm at the highest possible volume and snoozes it 5/6 times from 6.30am - 7am then finally gets up. I’ve asked him to turn it down at least but he won’t, I’ve also asked if he could get up when it goes off first or even second time but he won’t, he says he can’t (I’ve tried nudging him to get up but he just goes back to sleep then gets grumpy that I’ve been nudging him). It’s not so much that I don’t want to be disturbed (as I have to get up to get my 6 year old ready and do the school run), although ideally I’d like to have a little more sleep until 7ish as I’ve been up in the night, id also prefer the baby not to be woken constantly with the alarm as it makes it easier if I can shower and get a few bits ready before she wakes. AIBU or if he being a bit selfish?

OP posts:
DannyWallace · 08/01/2019 07:24

What??! No of course you're not being selfish!
Of course you'll both be exhausted so part of me understands why he wants to snooze the alarm. But he's totally being unreasonable snoozing it for half an hour at a high volume!!

Gizlotsmum · 08/01/2019 07:25

He’s being selfish. But he may genuinely struggle with waking up. Could he set his first alarm a bit later? So still have the snooze option just not as many times? Is he willing to try?

carlecomedian · 08/01/2019 07:25

Can you get up when his alarm goes off and have your shower etc and let him deal with the baby whilst you are doing so?

Otherwise I'd recommend him a sleep calculator that tells you the ideal time to wake up based on sleep cycles - he's effing up his circadian rhythm by snoozing, which is why he's struggling to get up.

blackcat86 · 08/01/2019 07:27

He's being selfish but I have the same and haven't found a solution yet.

AutumnCrow · 08/01/2019 07:28

Christ I've had a neighbour do this. 6am every morning, full blast through the wall - he slept through it, I didn't.

It's really selfish.

gimmeadoughnut123 · 08/01/2019 07:28

YANBU but as somebody that really struggles with waking up in the morning, I do sympathise with that. Sometimes I put my phone the other side of the room so that I'm forced out of bed to turn it off.

gimmeadoughnut123 · 08/01/2019 07:31

I actually asked for an alarm clock radio for Christmas once because of how much I struggle to get up. My theory was that if it stayed on, I would stay awake. Nobody ever bought me it because my husband didn't want it, even though we get up at the same time and he gets up on his first alarm...
What about something like that so he stays awake, and then he can see to baby while you sort yourself out?

Mariandidit · 08/01/2019 07:31

Snoozing for 30 mins means it’s going off 3 times though (most snoozes are set at 9 mins)

I have some sympathy for him. I cannot get up on my first alarm which is why I set it 30 mins earlier.

Compromise could be he turns the sound off on the first one, has vibrate turned up and puts it under his pillow. It will still wake him up but shouldn’t disturb you?

Inforthelonghaul · 08/01/2019 07:31

This drives me insane and I just don’t get it. When my alarm goes off I switch it off and sit up, open eyes and amazingly am awake. If I hit snooze and rolled over I’d be asleep in a second. If I can do it why can’t DH!

brighteyeowl17 · 08/01/2019 07:35

Cold water. Face. Job done.

hula008 · 08/01/2019 07:36

Could you suggest he puts his phone up the other end of the room so has to physically get up? My DP tried this and has trained himself to get up at the first alarm.

MarthasGinYard · 08/01/2019 07:41

Yanbu

That would drive me nuts without a baby in the equation

Incredibly selfish and I'd tell him it stops

MissMarplesKnitting · 08/01/2019 07:45

My DH has a smart watch which wakes him through vibration on his arm. Says it wakes him far better than a traditional alarm clock. And I don't hear it. It's only a cheap one, nothing posh!

Would that work?

YANBU. He's being selfish. Either he needs to change, sleep elsewhere or find an alternative like above.

Original poster
247mummsy · 08/01/2019 12:00

Thanks all (I did reply earlier but then my phone went funny and I lost the text and didn’t have time to re-write it).
I think he does struggle to wake up, he doesn’t wake up in the night when our baby cries, but says he’s tired, although I’ve said going to bed at 11/12 is too late and he should come to bed earlier but he won’t. He won’t put it on vibrate and I know if it was at the other side of the room he would just let the alarm keep going and going and I’d have to get up and stop it.

OP posts:
Original poster
247mummsy · 08/01/2019 12:01

The cold water option would be great if he wasn’t going to get in a mood about it 😆 but just a gentle nudge (by this I mean kick in the shin) gets him in a mood 🙄

OP posts:
kitkatsky · 08/01/2019 12:07

YANBU! I'd put the snooze button straight into room 101. It's bad enough having to painfully wake up once

adaline · 08/01/2019 12:11

I would get up when his alarm goes off and get in the shower so that he has to deal with the baby and the 6yo. He won't be able to keep hitting snooze then, will he?

AdamNichol · 08/01/2019 12:28

I go thru this scenario a bit.

I have to be up (supposedly) around 5:15 to get to work on time (2.5hr commute each way). I'll set alarm for 5:15. After a week or so, I've slipped to hitting snooze a couple of times, so alarm goes to 5:00. Then that slips, so alarm goes to 4:50. Then I reset the whole thing and take the extra 25mins undisturbed. Until it starts to slip and the whole thing repeats.

To a degree it is selfish, but I simply don't spring to awake at 5:15 when the alarm goes off. The only other option is to sleep in another room; but this isn't a route we wanted to go down as a married couple

Newdadofgirl · 08/01/2019 12:42

I was the same, I'd hit snooze again and again, disturbing both baby and Gf. The only solution was to get up on the first alarm and the problem was solved.
If I really need another 10 minutes sleep (sometimes even 10 minutes extra sleep is so good, lol) I can go downstairs to the sofa and snooze the alarm as many times as I want!

Original poster
247mummsy · 08/01/2019 12:59

Gosh 5.15 is early! I’ve said to him why not set the alarm for 7am and get straight up, before Mat leave when I set the alarm to get up I could get straight out of bed. I’ve tried getting straight out myself and into the shower, feed and let the dog out etc, I’m usually back in the room before he’s out of bed, or he’s already in the bathroom so I feed the baby, get my son ready etc (my 6 year old isn’t his so don’t expect him to sort him out) but I think he thinks I’m at home all day so can rest, but there’s washing, cleaning, baby etc to be done so I don’t just sit and watch tv all day.

OP posts:
TooYoungToBeSoTired · 08/01/2019 13:01

He sounds so selfish! Send him to sleep in a different room.

ree348 · 08/01/2019 13:16

Let him set his alarm and then hide his phone, when it goes off he will have no choice but to get up to turn it off and as he's out of bed anyway he may as well get on with his day. Grin

Pringlecat · 08/01/2019 13:20

I need to snooze - I can't get up right away. If sleeping in different rooms is not an option, I recommend one of those smart watches with a "silent alarm". It means that rather than making a loud noise, it vibrates against his wrist and wakes him up without necessarily disturbing you too much. He could set 3 silent alarms spaced out so he gets his gradual wake up without the very loud noise that bothers you.

Hillarious · 08/01/2019 13:20

I can't get straight out of bed in the morning. To me the best part of being in bed is the snoozing.

Hwory · 08/01/2019 13:24

I used to be the same a lumie alarm clock really helped me but that would wake you all up.

I think the problem is that he just isn’t getting enough sleep.

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