AIBU about my partners alarm

[247mummsy]

AIBU? We have a 12 week old baby, she’s suddenly gone from waking once in the night to now waking about 1.15am and between 4.30 and 5.30am (today was 5.30 so yes I’m feeling tired atm). I get that my partner has to get up for work, but he has his alarm at the highest possible volume and snoozes it 5/6 times from 6.30am - 7am then finally gets up. I’ve asked him to turn it down at least but he won’t, I’ve also asked if he could get up when it goes off first or even second time but he won’t, he says he can’t (I’ve tried nudging him to get up but he just goes back to sleep then gets grumpy that I’ve been nudging him). It’s not so much that I don’t want to be disturbed (as I have to get up to get my 6 year old ready and do the school run), although ideally I’d like to have a little more sleep until 7ish as I’ve been up in the night, id also prefer the baby not to be woken constantly with the alarm as it makes it easier if I can shower and get a few bits ready before she wakes. AIBU or if he being a bit selfish?

From PP's responses it sounds like a vibrating watch might be a good shout OP, would he give it a try do you think?

Snoozing is outrageously selfish if you are in bed with someone who is sleep deprived, and even more so if it wakes the baby you then have to deal with straight away!

I love a good snooze, but I only do it when it doesn't bother my partner. The days I have early starts I wouldn't dream of snoozing the alarm!

Assuming you've tried talking to him about it, I'd be inclined to shake him awake when the baby wakes up and make him deal with her. It's selfish enough him disturbing your sleep, but creating extra work for you as well is really not on.
Or just re-set the alarm clock for 7am or shortly whilst you're up in the night and give him a kick to get up straight away when it goes off!

I can't get straight out of bed in the morning. To me the best part of being in bed is the snoozing.

Of course you can, you just don't want or need to! Nothing wrong with hitting snooze so long as you're not pissing anyone else off in the meantime.

I would kill my DH if he did that after I'd been up all night.
He needs to sleep on the sofa if he 'can't help it'. And get a vibrating watch that does not wake you up.

I have one of those clocks that starts to light up gradually half hour before the alarm and you can set the maximum brightness.

I find this really helps especially with black out curtains and It didnt wake the baby when it was in our room.

It's incredibly selfish of him to keep waking you.

When dh has his alarm set before mine he keeps it lowish in volume but loud enough to wake him and will use the snooze either once or not at all. He also chooses his own song to play on wake-up and had one that made me irrationally angry. (Began with some sounds that sounded like seashells etc hitting together, definitely not what I want to wake up to.)

I tried to get used to it but eventually told him I couldn't cope with it as it also seemed to wake me more than other songs he's used. He changed it to another song. Unfortunately after a few weeks he put the old song back on so it was waking me more often and I was losing out on sleep. After a few days I was really tired and ended up biting his head off snapping at him. We then had a discussion about it, he'd 'forgotten' my hatred of being woken up to that particular song. The song has now changed and hopefully won't be coming back.

The 'forgetting' things that are important to me (and having a very long memory about things important to him) and his attitude towards me sometimes is another matter that will take longer to sort out. I reckon your partner might not have enough regard for you and too much regard for himself, some compromise needs to be reached. Talk to him and ask him what he is going to do about it, don't be the only one to suggest alternatives as he can just say 'it won't work' without trying something, get him to make suggestions and try them out. He needs to realise it is having a detrimental effect on you and he needs to care enough about you to do something about it.

Is it his phone he uses for his alarm? If so, do you know his password? If you do you could reset his alarm when you are up with your baby during the night, then when it goes off you can call to him and say it's later than he thinks and dump a now awake, crying baby on him to get him up.

If you don't know the password you could always try throwing it out the window or putting it in a bowl of water in the kitchen during the night. I think those things might stop it waking you. Or drive backwards and forwards over it a million times in a sleep induced anger.

My DH gets up around 4am for work. So as not to disturb me, he has a speaker pillow that he connects to his phone. He then has music that slowly wakes him up 5 mins before a siren will go off to wake him up. I don't hear any of this as it is quiet enough for only him to hear.

Cold water. Face. Job done

Could you imagine the outcry if it were suggested a man throw a cup of cold water on his sleeping wife's face? It's abuse. Please don't.

I'd sleep on the floor in the 6 year old's room rather than endure that. You could go in after the last time the baby wakes you?

I think for his birthday I’ll get him a watch like some of you mentioned, thing is his birthday isn’t until April. I’m shattered now (daren’t tell him I went to an exercise class this morning, itwas booked and paid for a week ago though) otherwise he’ll say that’s why I’m tired, or I can’t be that tired. I don’t want to sit in all day moping around though. I know I’m going to be tired but I wish he’d just understand about the alarm. He’s the most heavy handed person when he comes into the room at night too which often wakes me, and sometimes he’ll hug me in the night too which also annoys me, I said this morning can you not wake me in the night, I’m pretty enough as it is. (Rant over)

*pretty tired that was meant to say, not just pretty 😂

Oh my god ,I’d punch him in the bollocks . There is no need to snooze any alarm, set for the time you want to get up , not half hour before and turn it off half a dozen times !
Make him get up with the baby

Tell him if he wants multiple alarms he gets up with the baby

I don't have a child and I told my Partner to fuck off with that snoozing shite.

He falls straight back into a heavy sleep (so much so he nearly missed an airport taxi if it wasn't for me), I do not. So I'm just drifting back off and the fucking next one goes. Drives me insane. The rule is 2 snooze and you are up are out and your shit should be out of the bedroom and ready too.

Harsh, but considerate and fair from both sides.

I used to be someone who used the snooze button all the time.... until I had children and didn't have the luxury of doing that anymore. Anyone who says they 'need' to snooze - you don't, you choose to. If the house was burning down, I suspect you'd be able to get out of bed.

That’s true about the house burning down. Funnily enough I did say the other day if a burglar came in downstairs what would you do, and he said he wouldn’t be able to jump out of bed to go see, so basically it’d be me! When I’ve got annoyed before about the alarm it gets into an argument and he’s not nice to argue with, he often thinks he’s right then throws something back at me why I’ve caused the argument, we then don’t speak for days until it fizzles out because I don’t back down.

Then the classic line comes out - you go to work then and I’ll look after the baby. I tell him I’ve done both - work and baby (twice) and whilst I love my time at home with our little one, I tell him it is actually easier being at work sometimes.

Firstly, OP, jealous that your DC was only waking once up until now(!) We are having very similar here - I told DH no snooze button, and no vibrate on the phone as this wakes little one more than the actual alarm noise. You could point our that your own 12 week old alarm doesn’t have a snooze function!

I once finished with an ex for doing this - he'd snooze it every 10 minutes for an hour between 5.30 and 6.30 every fucking morning and then once memorably even got up - finally - at 6.30 to run a bath and went back to bed then only woke up once the bath water was running down the walls downstairs. That was my fault, apparently, for not staying awake to monitor the level of the bathwater He was an utter twat and the first work day after he left and there was no fucking snooze button going off was blissful

That was without a baby in the mix. End him.

I'm trying to say this diplomatically, but it isn't easy. He sounds as if he's acting like a right knob. Was he always like this?

Yes I guess he was, but I didn’t have a baby and had to get up for work, although I have said about the constant snoozing before but not as much as I have now.

My husband does EXACTLY this. It drives me mad and I don't even have a baby in the mix.

This has always fucked me off with housemates at uni and exes but luckily DH is like me and we actually get up when the alarm goes off rather than pointlessly disturbing the entire household for a paltry few extra minutes in bed. I'd tell him to fuck off to another room if he won't agree to moderating his behaviour. You say he gets pissed off if you nudge him or bring it up - time for you to show how angry you are about his selfish, twattish behaviour! I'd go mental.

I'm sorry I know I'm only reading a snapshot of your life, but he sounds so selfish and unkind. Is he one of those men who think pregnancy and birth are nothing and women should stop complaining?

He sounds really unpleasant and like he doesn't care about you at all. Getting all defensive with you when you make a reasonble request. Maybe it's time you got annoyed.