To tell in laws I don't want them on holiday

[Lovelife12345]

So for Christmas I booked for me, my partner and two boys to go Butlin's in October as a suprise Present. I asked my step daughters mum if girls could come and she said no. She would consider it over next week (this was after I then booked) but still adamant she doesn't want them going. So now my MIl, SIL and BIL and wife are all on about gate crashing and coming with us. Booking for the girls and making them come as will make out to the mum we aren't there. My arguement is they never checked with us they have used assumed. And now having been getting sun offer codes to come. Aibu to talk to them Friday and say we don't want them coming or that if they do we will be doing our own thing.

I hate feeling restricted when you go as group because you have to consider what all other families want and Ida stressful. Especially when the nieces are all a pain. We have then also been told they we under no obligation will have to pay for all the girls activities and food. Firstly we wouldn't be eating with them as we have booked the premium food package, secondly who are they to dictate what we spend! Christmas the MIl decided to book for them and my partner when he stayed overnight to go
Cinema and then told him he has to pay taxi home and all snacks and drinks. Again wasn't his choice so he shouldn't be backed into a corner and being made she doesn't no our finances and he lost a days pay to
Stay overnight with girls as had no holiday and giels weren't allowed to stay.

Thing is when we go Butlin's we don't do the extra paid activities like the trampolines at £6 each a time, or the racing at £5 each. We do the activities included and pay for food as the package so don't need to worry about money. Hi family will spend endless amounts on all the extra stuff. So why should we put ourselves in debt to keep up with them and allow the girls to do everything with them when we refuse to pay it for the boys anyways. If we don't we will get a melt down and his family saying we are unfair. Put it this way his brother got married in Abroad and for them as a family of 8 spent £9000 on activities and food! It's obscene what gets spent.

We are going up Friday to see girls and MIl wanted to do a birthday tea for eldest and has now sent me through a bill! Why? Again not our choice of what we were going to do.
What would you say to your MIL as I am
Now seeing more and more on Facebook or them trying to book and get codes. Just angry they never asked to as they put it 'gatecrash' and we are suppose to be happy. Just feeling so backed into a corner. Failing that looking into changing our dates if not
Too expesemivw xx

Sounds like there are a lot of issues with boindaries here. I think you should start saying no - starting with the birthday bill. You cant stop them booking a holiday (next time dont tell them where you are going) but you dont have to hang out with them or pay for things just because they tell you to.

Tell them you want just your family there. As for the birthday, tell her no, you won't be paying for her idea/party. That's just ridiculous!

Your partner needs to deal with his family. Aren’t the children in school in October? If you’ve booked half term than I’m not surprised if they want to book it too.

It's booked for the first weekend of half term as we have agreed with school my son can finish early the Friday as it will be his first term. And with my work. Just feeling she is pushing us into spending money constantly on stuff when we haven't planned to. Doesn't seem to care the effect if has on us. I asked if atep daughters could come and was told no, my partner since asked and was told no. So they are risking booking anyways x

Tell them it's not available as money was tight you amended the booking

MIL has more to do with the step kids than you do anyway. Surely this is a compromise so they get to spend time with dad, since you both don't rate it as high a priority as your own kids or Diet Coke? MIL pays for lots of things for the girls- including shoes you were unwilling to help with the cost of for school, and you're planning on your DO dropping hours at work to pay less CSM still aren't you? This never goes across well for you- you always seem very bitter when you keep adding info. Their mother isnt an idiot- if she is happy for the girls to go with the MIL, because she trusts her more to look after them, and it's the same time you e said you're goin- she knows you would be going to together. Is she happy for the girls to go with MIL? Maybe it's a chance to spend time with and actually get to know the girls- something youve previously claimed you wanted to do? Maybe look at it positively- you're going overseas with your mother in holiday- why not Butlins with his?

SHES BACK!!!

@SD1978 she gets paid csa that's what is for school shoes etc we aren't obliged to have to pay extra, but again another circumstance she is forcing us to pay. He is dropping hours but csa will be staying the same and then when assessment comes in we will still pay her the same amount as we are now! We won't be paying her less! I don't think they have asked the ex wife about taking girls they were going to book or
And then approach.

October is ages away, why not start a change jar or put a few quid aside each week then you'll have a nice little pot of spending money to be able to treat the girls.

But I bet you won't do that because it's quite clear you'd rather those poor children were not involved in your life. You asked their mother if they could join you, safe in the knowledge she'd say no. She gets to be the bad guy, but I'd have said no too, in her position.

And perhaps your MiL is trying to make her son step up and start being a decent father to his daughters. Chances are she thinks the two of you are taking the piss with how little you pay and how little he sees them (24 hours over the whole Christmas period wasn't it?).

@Lovelife12345 Every decent, loving NRP I know, splits the cost for uniform and extras like school trips, knowing the CM is for the basics, like food and a roof over their head.

Im not surprised the ex has said no if you are the poster I think you are. It's very clear why your MIL steps in with them given your dislike of them.

CM rarely covers basics let alone extras. DH always sends a couple of hundred quid extra to his ex over the school holidays to buy new uniform (it's expensive with their branded and very restricted uniform). CM is considered a bare minimum.

With the holiday, mum clearly and quite rightly doesn't trust you to appropriately look after the girls and for them to have a good time. Your MIL is trying to help because she is someone that mum trusts and because she is trying desperately to get her son to step up. Why wouldn't you both want to contribute to a birthday tea for one of the girls?? Unless you had organised an alternative celebration which I presume you hadn't as you didn't mention it in your post. As for additional holiday costs, these are fairly standard and something that you need to factor in to the affordability of the holiday. You have ample time to save and budget.

Just feeling she is pushing us into spending money constantly on stuff when we haven't planned to
She's making a point. You've had zillions threads expressing that you're oh pays little maintenance and wanted to reduce it even more. You make him prioritise all income to treat your sons with his girls having to do without.

It must be very frustrating to not get your own way for once. You'll have cancel your trip whilst they have a great time with the girls. You can't tell them tgey can't go!

I don't go crying to my ex husbands mum of
He says no to sensing more money it's something she has to get over. We pay what we have too (and will continue that amount even when his house drop) as we then spend a lot in travel:
We had originally planned to do something else for her birthday, so it was plans made by the MIL so we shouldn't have to fork the big bill. I have said we won't be paying but then I am unfair. I had got loads of bits left
From Christmas like sausage rolls etc I was going cook up and we were going to go
To the local soft play once picking up from
School and play then eat there.

MIL won't pay for any of her other grandchildren's holidays or birthdays. She is putting the girls on a pedestal above all grandchildren she always has done apparently as it's been the centre of a lot of debates.

There just needs to be some consideration as to everyone. I will try and talk to her Friday if not I think I'll just have to look at re arranging ours and next time not say anything. I had to get passport details of
miL to apply for youngest sons and she was at one point refusing to give it to delay it. Now saying next year she won't have the boys at all if we go abroad again. Just
Frustrating who does she think she is.

Tell your husband to deal with his mother. Make your thoughts and concerns known. Stick to your budget.

We have then also been told they we under no obligation will have to pay for all the girls activities and food. Firstly we wouldn't be eating with them as we have booked the premium food package, secondly who are they to dictate what we spend!

Christmas the MIl decided to book for them and my partner when he stayed overnight to go
Cinema and then told him he has to pay taxi home and all snacks and drinks

Get a fucking grip. He is their father. He should ALWAYS pay for his daughters!
FML anyone can go book anything gor him and his daughters to do but it should always rest on him to pay!! Why should his mum and dad foot the bill for time the girls spend with their dad?

@BunsOfAnarchy he should not be told what to spend on his kids! And is his mum is choosing to take him away she should pay, if she wanted us to she should consult
Us and talk not dictate. My parents would never dream of it! My dads taking my boys to Scotland this year and hasn't asked for a penny as it's his choice!

Work can agree as it's one weekend over half term. It was part of my agreement that I told them I want some time on holidays which is fine as long as a strong enough team

I knew it was you from your first sentence. I have no idea why you keep making these threads, you don't listen to a word anyone says.

I didn’t realise who it was. And then I did. Ugh.

See this thread is a perfect example of not judging a book by its cover as they say.

Still at it I see.

If I was your mil I d book a holiday for the girls with out you or your "DP" next to near it.