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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to take indirect flights with a toddler

135 replies

dellacucina · 07/01/2019 22:50

to destinations where direct flights are readily available but generally more expensive?

That's all really!

OP posts:
Original poster
dellacucina · 08/01/2019 16:03

I also am unable to sleep on a plane, so this past time I was awake for 36 hours after factoring in delays, trying to track down lost bags,band
travel to/from the airport. Pure torture.

In this case, DH claims the savings was £1200 total for all of us, which obviously is a lot, but we already had quite cheap options by choosing to fly on Christmas Eve (which already is not ideal). I felt that we didn't have to use all cost saving measures.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 08/01/2019 16:04

Let him and toddler fly indirect.
You and toddler go direct

Stupomax · 08/01/2019 16:14

It somewhat depends on the airport where you're changing.

I'd pay pretty much anything to avoid changing at Heathrow or Philadelphia, but I'd quite happily change at Schiphol or Boston.

Right now I would avoid changing at US airports given that TSA lines are currently about three times as long as usual due to the shutdown. That's the sort of thing that you can't really predict though.

I've had several experiences of changes being a nightmare because the first flight was delayed. I spent a memorable 8 hours at JFK with a 3 month old waiting for a follow-on flight. I've also had to sleep overnight in a terminal at JFK after another flight snafu.

I'm also not keen on the landing and take off with children, as that's when they're most likely to throw up IME, so I try to reduce how many of those we do.

zzzzz · 08/01/2019 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dellacucina · 08/01/2019 16:19

I am also terrified of flying and especially hate takeoff and landing, so each flight is quite painful for me.

No, I don't think there is any help for it. I just accept that when I fly I almost surely won't be sleeping.

OP posts:
TakeMe2Insanity · 08/01/2019 16:23

We’ve done it a few times with our toddler but seen it as an adventure. It was a pain when our additional stop had very different weather to our ultimate destination but it can be very fun too. We try and spend an over night in each place so we can do something fun.

Last year we did these plus a few more:
London - copenhagen - doha -singapore and back the same way. Then later on we did:
London - helsinki - doha - tokyo and back

woollyheart · 08/01/2019 16:36

How about indirect with an overnight stop so that you and child can recover?

He has preferences for the cheapest option, regardless of time and discomfort. That is fine when he is a lone traveller and only inflicting exhaustion and discomfort on himself. When he is travelling as a group, he has to take everyone's ability to cope with the journey into account.

If you can't afford anything except the indirect, and you all want to go, then there is no choice, and you have to put up with it or decide that you can't really afford the trip.

If you can afford it, and he is just being miserly, I would tell him that it would be best to cut down the number of trips but do them in more comfort. Otherwise he is wasting money because you are paying for something you are dreading and don't enjoy.

TulipsInbloom1 · 08/01/2019 17:11

Did your dh sleep on the plane?

At any point did he take dd and let you read/snooze/eat etc?

zzzzz · 08/01/2019 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dellacucina · 08/01/2019 17:19

DH announced the instant we got on the flight that he was going to sleep. Then he did watch her a very little bit but he put Peppa on the whole time so she was tired of it by the time I took over again - so when I watched her it was more hands on. I also fed her etc.

Because he did this, he feels he helped equally even though that lady thought I was on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
dellacucina · 08/01/2019 17:20

zzzzz it's really the whole package for me. I hate inconvenience, I dislike/fear flying, and I dislike it when DD is unhappy!

OP posts:
Original poster
dellacucina · 08/01/2019 17:21

And the sleep issue is less fear and more that I am unable to sleep unless lying down flat. I have slept in business class before.

OP posts:
Original poster
dellacucina · 08/01/2019 17:24

woollyheart we don't fly that much, basically just to visit my family once ilor twice a year. He is unhappy with any expenditure no matter how much money we make - but that is an issue for another thread!

OP posts:
zzzzz · 08/01/2019 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dellacucina · 08/01/2019 17:30

I am saying this only for the pleasure of griping: on the way out I had packed a large number of lovely snacks for DD. DH made us miss our flight and we had to stay at an airport hotel, so she ate all the snacks and was in a foul mood for the flight! That one was direct but felt like a layover

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 08/01/2019 17:35

DH made us miss our flight

How?

He is sounding very self-centred.

Original poster
dellacucina · 08/01/2019 17:39

He forgot to do his ESTA in advance, sneered when I said we should check in online (which would have identified the problem), made us late leaving the house because he decided he had to install a security camera that morning, had an argument with the check in staff about whether we had paid for bags while waiting for the ESTA to come through at the check in counter (we hadn't but due to a technical error our tickets said we had and he wanted to benefit from the error)

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 08/01/2019 17:43

Well now he sounds worse. Is this confined to travelling or is he always like this?

zzzzz · 08/01/2019 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dellacucina · 08/01/2019 17:45

His general behaviour is a separate issue and is a known problemSmile

OP posts:
storynanny · 08/01/2019 17:51

I flew indirectly to New York once ( without children) it was awful and I would rather fly less frequently and save to go direct.
Definitely wouldnt do it with little ones.
I once travelled on a train (1985) from portsmouth harbour to Derby with a 2 year old and an 8 month old on my own. Had to change at Birmingham . Different platform, double buggy, rucksack and no lift. It was horrendous.

OliviaBenson · 08/01/2019 17:59

Wow op, why are you with this man-child? Serious question. The more you post the worse he sounds.

MrsTerryPratcett · 08/01/2019 18:02

If this is the hill you want to die on in your relationship, do. His seeming lack of care or respect for you might be more important.

PenguinPandas · 08/01/2019 18:29

That sounds like he maybe trying to avoid him or all of you spend time with your family. Does he not want to go and is sabotaging the trip? Could you and toddler go direct without him?

If he's like this all the time then you've got a much bigger issue than indirect flights - it sounds potentially quite controlling and nasty.

Qasd · 08/01/2019 18:31

It can break the journey up!..I did with a two year old and it was fine but I would rule some out, depends on the proposed route, five hours plus five hours in the middle of the night no, they would wake up when I just got them to sleep, five hours and five hours in the day no problem

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