To say I’ve won! I’ve actually won!

[YouWinAgain]

Some of you will recognise my story. I hope you do, and yes I am that poster.

In March 2018 I was attacked and had threats made against my life by my husband in front of our DD aged 2 at the time.

I left him and he was a s**t. He and his family made my life hell threatening to take DD out of her Nursery, pinning me against shelves in supermarkets, accusing me of alienating DD from her paternal family, and basically being made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. He also left me and DD living at my mums for 10 days just because he could. He left me with GAD, PTSD and Social Anxiety.

In November he took me to court for full residency of DD, now aged 3, accusing me of emotionally abusing her and not being able to put her first.

It was a rough time for me; I almost gave up at times, felt like everything was against me including the Social Worker who seemed to swap sides after it went to court. She was also at times suggesting 50/50 contact.

I got a SHL (S**t Hot Lawyer) and was still worried, panicking and had to be grounded several times by her and posters on MN thank you all. I had home condition problems when we first split but did my upmost to work with everyone and get myself back on track. At times I felt like it was hopeless even when he didn’t turn up to her appointments or Nativity Play.

DRA hearing is 2 weeks today. Had the final meeting with the SW this morning to give me the S7, I was nervous as I was expecting her to be on ExHs side.

There’s two bits of good news:

1. SW was recommending that DD stay living with me, and contact with ExH be once a week for 2 hours, and then every other Sunday for 5 hours going up to full day contact (9am-5pm) in 3 months’ time and then overnight just Saturday every other weekend from September when DD starts school. SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

But 2) 2 weeks before the DRA, ExH has decided to drop the residency and just apply for consistent regular contact with DD. He hasn’t asked for a specific pattern so I think my SHL can negotiate.

I am crying with happiness. We still have to go to court on 21st but I’m not worried anymore, they aren’t taking my DD off me. Looks like SW was on DDs side and neither mine or ExHs.

Sometimes it pays to persevere. I’ve won haven’t I? I’ve actually won!

So basically he didn't really want her. He just wanted to put you through hell and punish you. He never had any intention of going through with it did he?

I've been following your other thread but have never commented. As soon as I saw the thread title I was hoping it would be you. That's great news I'm so happy for you.

Wonderful news! So happy for you and your daughter x

I hope this good news will give others hope - well done for persevering!!

Oh this is absolutely WONDERFUL!

I was on your last thread and am so glad to find this one. I'm so so so glad you found the strength and courage to fight on for you & your mini!!

I remember your previous thread OP. Congratulations. You deserve some happiness.

I read your previous thread (threads?) and didn't comment but I'm so pleased for you, though sad you had to go through all that.

Hi OP, well done for getting this far. I've had a very similar experience, 2.5 years through the family court system (son only 3) and ex was awarded 2 hours unsupervised contact every other Saturday. He couldn't believe it as he was going for 50/50 shared residency.

Sorry for lack of replies I've been celebrating by taking DD for a milkshake!

For those asking why appointments take priority over contact, DD has Global Developmental Delay among other diagnosis's and ExH refuses to believe there's anything wrong with her, so won't take her to her appointments so to protect her health all appointments will take place during my time with her. In time if he will take her I am happy to loosen up on this rule but as I will go to them all anyway for now it's best it's during my time.

Have an appointment with my SHL tomorrow so will iron out exactly what I want for contact.

Ah you are the poster I think you are.

Well done you. Your daughter is a complete credit to you and you are one strong mama. I don’t know you but I’m so bloody proud of you.

Well, you give your SHL a big, fat smacking kiss from me, OK?

YES! Been keeping my fingers crossed for you - i’m so happy for you!!

Nothing to stop dad taking her to parties, classes whatever, no need to change his contact for that.

He won't take her though, that's the reason it's been included. She would miss out on nursery, swimming lessons, and important health appointments as OP has explained.

We're not talking about a reasonable man who has his DDs best interests at heart. He is an abuser (it says it in the first post!) and has been using contact arrangements as a way to continue trying to control OP and make her life hell.

Either the social worker is a resident parent who enjoys frustrating contact herself or is very naive to allow contact to be moved on the basis of social invitations for a 3 year old. I can't see any experienced judge listening to that 'advice' and it will probably weaken the rest of what she has to say.

Userstupidnumber - it's fucking obvious why the SW has made the stipulation

I can't see any experienced judge listening to that 'advice'

It's only a suggestion and to be honest as long as she doesn't miss her medical appointments and swimming lessons (which help her medically and I have evidence from her paeds for this) I don't care so much about the other stuff as I can make up for it with extra playdates or soft play invites in my time. It's the appointments/swimming which is the most important.

user139328237

You're either very naive or one of those woe me dads.

Great news op! I'm glad it makes allowances for her social life too. It would be awful for DD if her dad deliberately stopped her doing her hobbies or going to parties when she's older! (sounds like the kind of person who would do something like that to spite you).

I'm not the sharpest knife in the box notacooldad (or even the sharpest spoon, if it comes to that) and have had a couple of disturbed nights (which has also made me a bit bad-tempered).

Am awaiting the deluge promised by BitoutofPractice

Thank you saul

I'm not the sharpest knife in the box notacooldad
Hey, we all have moments when we don't quite get something!! I know I have plenty ( more than I want to admit to if I'm honest!)
I wasn't mocking you, I was just imagining some of the social workers in our team getting their diaries out to work out their social arrangements!!

@schadenfreudepersonified Your Update made me laugh. Nothing more refreshing than someone acknowledging they got the wrong end of the stick and jumped the gun. Don’t sweat the egg - you’re good now :)

For those getting all hot tempered over Schadenfreude’s initial comment: you’re doing the same as her. Tyiping before you think: “Hang on, that doesn’t sound right” so off your high indignant horses you pop :D
OP, I am delighted for you! Well well well done!!

I too read your previous thread but didn’t comment but whooooohooooo!! Hope all goes well. Sounds like your shl was worth every penny! Xx

I know you weren't notacooldad - sorry if I came across snippy. It wasn't intended (curse the lack of facial expression and vocal intonation on a printed page)

Fairytale