To say I’ve won! I’ve actually won!

[YouWinAgain]

Some of you will recognise my story. I hope you do, and yes I am that poster.

In March 2018 I was attacked and had threats made against my life by my husband in front of our DD aged 2 at the time.

I left him and he was a st. He and his family made my life hell threatening to take DD out of her Nursery, pinning me against shelves in supermarkets, accusing me of alienating DD from her paternal family, and basically being made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. He also left me and DD living at my mums for 10 days just because he could. He left me with GAD, PTSD and Social Anxiety.

In November he took me to court for full residency of DD, now aged 3, accusing me of emotionally abusing her and not being able to put her first.

It was a rough time for me; I almost gave up at times, felt like everything was against me including the Social Worker who seemed to swap sides after it went to court. She was also at times suggesting 50/50 contact.

I got a SHL (St Hot Lawyer) and was still worried, panicking and had to be grounded several times by her and posters on MN thank you all. I had home condition problems when we first split but did my upmost to work with everyone and get myself back on track. At times I felt like it was hopeless even when he didn’t turn up to her appointments or Nativity Play.

DRA hearing is 2 weeks today. Had the final meeting with the SW this morning to give me the S7, I was nervous as I was expecting her to be on ExHs side.

There’s two bits of good news:

1. SW was recommending that DD stay living with me, and contact with ExH be once a week for 2 hours, and then every other Sunday for 5 hours going up to full day contact (9am-5pm) in 3 months’ time and then overnight just Saturday every other weekend from September when DD starts school. SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!
   
   But 2) 2 weeks before the DRA, ExH has decided to drop the residency and just apply for consistent regular contact with DD. He hasn’t asked for a specific pattern so I think my SHL can negotiate.
   
   I am crying with happiness. We still have to go to court on 21st but I’m not worried anymore, they aren’t taking my DD off me. Looks like SW was on DDs side and neither mine or ExHs.
   
   Sometimes it pays to persevere. I’ve won haven’t I? I’ve actually won!

[RandomMess]

WooHoo happy days!!!

[Kilpitlees]

I have followed your other threads and was really hoping for this outcome. You are a brilllant mum who has always put her much loved daughter first. I am just so relieved that this has been officially recognised and Mini is now guaranteed the best life. Well done.

[MyOtherLifeIsAFairytale]

@SchadenfreudePersonified Steady on, SchadenF, this is Mumsnet!! NO hugs!!

[anyideasonthis]

Wonderful news! I wish you and your DD all the best and WELL DONE you for getting through it!

[YouWinAgain]

Well, you give your SHL a big, fat smacking kiss from me, OK?

I'm not sure her husband will like that but I will try

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Fairytale



Sorry about that - don't know what came over me there. Won't happen again.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

[TheMShip]

Congratulations!! You utter star, what a fabulous result.

[MissMacaron]

Hope the appointment with SHL went well today OP. So very chuffed for you.

[notsodimwit]

So pleased you and mini are ok xx

[YouWinAgain]

Meeting went well today.

SHL thinks we can push for First Refusal so if ExH is working when he;s supposed to have DD then he has to ask me first before leaving her with his family (he has variable and unpredictable shifts) and she also thinks that we can push that if he can't have her when he's supposed to all alternatives work around her education (nursery/from september school), appointments and other events including any socially and also extra curricular.

I've also seen the full Section 7 and it looks like the Social Worker has been deliberately rude to me. I said in a previous thread she'd shared confidential information with ExH and we though that's why she was being rude but it turns out this time it's deliberate to test my MH. Basically by trying to trigger me (arguing with me, goading me etc) she was trying to test my reaction, arguing back with her doesn't show me in a bad light, but had I gone away and been suicidal, or harming myself or DD then they'd have known I couldn't cope but I didn't do any of that so I'm no risk.

Also seen the statement written by DDs Paediatrician which says that the extra curricular activities like swimming (which is done through Nursery but i pay separately for) is good for her. And Nursery said in their statement that DD goes in talking about things she's done with me (Santa visits, trips to larger parks, play centres, playdates etc) and everything they've heard is age appropriate for DD, and they've also said they have no problems with me and know if there's any issues with DD they can discuss them with me and know that I will do my upmost to sort it so basically proving I can put her first unlike what ExH said. They also stated there's no evidence of emotional abuse from me towards DD.

[MyOtherLifeIsAFairytale]

@SchadenfreudePersonified Oh, dear Gawd! Mumsnet would’ve imploded! 😳

[MyOtherLifeIsAFairytale]

@YouWinAgain, I am delighted with the update, progress and news (or I wouldn’t be joking w SchadenfreudePersonified). You are doing Great!!! And from friends in similar shitty boats, I know just how hard the system and process can be so a heartfelt and VERY loud WELL DONE!

[pickingdaisies]

Hi OP, I followed your other thread, I'm so happy for you. Your strength has been amazing through all this. All the very best to you both.

[Bekabeech]

This is so good. And maybe you should make one of those jars where you put little notes of good things that have happened or people have said. Then put some of those comments in it. So when you do feel down you can remind yourself.

Congratulations!

[EatCrisps]

Great news

[MixedMaritalArts]

Gosh, it’s been such a lot of “stuff” over such a long time, you bathe in the glory of your positive outcome. I am so happy for you and mini x

[Binglebong]

So wonderful! I'm tearing up a bit here. So very very glad for you.

[worridmum]

Yeah its a suggestion most judges might rule that medical appointments take presednce they wont make soical appointments as it would be so easy for the RP to frustrate contact by having every evening a play date or the RP deciding that the only time she is free is the only time the father cannot have them.

So while its happy that SW it will doubtfully be in the court order with such losely fitting thing what defines a social appointment? has is it goin g to be regulated what is to stop the OP to say she is busy every day for parties play dates etc

So while the EX sounds like a first class dick i doubt the court order will follow this suggestion. (medical appointments are a different kettle of fish and so are rightfully proitised).

[IloveJudgeJudy]

Great news! Well done. I remember some of what you've had to put up with from your ex, but the nursery were always on your side sfair, for good reason, as you always had DD's best interest at heart. What an uplifting thread.

[justilou1]

I finally found you, and this is the best news all month! I’m so happy for you!!! So pleased that common sense has finally won and the rights of a child actually make sense!!! Mini is going to continue to shine!!! ❤️

[worriedunimum]

Found you! So pleased for you and Mini! (And Cat of course :) )

[YouWinAgain]

I’m still here, still plodding on. 6 days to go!

My stress levels are rising again and worried I’m getting another sinus infection . Need to keep going though.

Looks like ExH has caught himself out hence dropping the residency. He’s told me one thing, SW something else and the courts something else again! Oops

[Sleeplessinsouthampton2019]

I was following your previous thread and so happy to see your update! Such good news and a relief for you

[justilou1]

ExH is no rocket scientist, is he? Lucky for you! I hope you get your sinuses sorted. (Maybe rinse them out with some saline or bicarb solution. Gross, but helpful.). I do wish you the best of luck. Cheering you & Mini on from Australia!!!