To say I’ve won! I’ve actually won!

[YouWinAgain]

Some of you will recognise my story. I hope you do, and yes I am that poster.

In March 2018 I was attacked and had threats made against my life by my husband in front of our DD aged 2 at the time.

I left him and he was a s**t. He and his family made my life hell threatening to take DD out of her Nursery, pinning me against shelves in supermarkets, accusing me of alienating DD from her paternal family, and basically being made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. He also left me and DD living at my mums for 10 days just because he could. He left me with GAD, PTSD and Social Anxiety.

In November he took me to court for full residency of DD, now aged 3, accusing me of emotionally abusing her and not being able to put her first.

It was a rough time for me; I almost gave up at times, felt like everything was against me including the Social Worker who seemed to swap sides after it went to court. She was also at times suggesting 50/50 contact.

I got a SHL (S**t Hot Lawyer) and was still worried, panicking and had to be grounded several times by her and posters on MN thank you all. I had home condition problems when we first split but did my upmost to work with everyone and get myself back on track. At times I felt like it was hopeless even when he didn’t turn up to her appointments or Nativity Play.

DRA hearing is 2 weeks today. Had the final meeting with the SW this morning to give me the S7, I was nervous as I was expecting her to be on ExHs side.

There’s two bits of good news:

1. SW was recommending that DD stay living with me, and contact with ExH be once a week for 2 hours, and then every other Sunday for 5 hours going up to full day contact (9am-5pm) in 3 months’ time and then overnight just Saturday every other weekend from September when DD starts school. SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

But 2) 2 weeks before the DRA, ExH has decided to drop the residency and just apply for consistent regular contact with DD. He hasn’t asked for a specific pattern so I think my SHL can negotiate.

I am crying with happiness. We still have to go to court on 21st but I’m not worried anymore, they aren’t taking my DD off me. Looks like SW was on DDs side and neither mine or ExHs.

Sometimes it pays to persevere. I’ve won haven’t I? I’ve actually won!

You're welcome. I'm happy to have helped. You're doing a great job for your DD. Keep strong.

My daughter has them for ears too - apparently they are a lot cheaper.

My daughter has them for ears too - apparently they are a lot cheaper.

MN needs a like button

@YouWinAgain

info here OP
Hope mini is feeling much better soon.

Check with your usual pharmacy tomorrow for reassurance. I looked in the BNF and Ciprofloxacin eye drops can be used as ear drops but the Consultant and pharmacy should have explained their use to you. ( They can get it as an ear drop but it is an unlicensed special and takes a few days to obtain usually so it is quicker and easier to use the eyedrops )

You are doing so well

I didn't know you could get ciprofloxacin eye drops! I'm prescribed that for urine infections. You learn something new every day!

Rang my chemist this morning, appears they are right!

Thanks everyone for the reassurance

Mini dropped off at her dads for the night.

Feeling really sick. I was fine, actually looking forward to it until about an hour beforehand. Now I'm a bubbling mess. Thankfully I'm home so no-one to see.

Is it too early for wine?

Weeelllll, I'm a big one for not drinking when one is upset. But that's just me.

You've had a rough couple of days and having Mini near you helps you to be 'centered'. So it's only natural that right now you feel at loose ends. Do you think this may be a good time for a time consuming task you've put off? Like cleaning out a messy closet or reorganizing a kitchen cupboard? Something that will take time but yield a visible result.

I had one glass of wine, I don't often drink and my limit with my heart is a couple anyway. Just enough to calm my anxiety but not enough for me to be a danger to myself.

I've done a bit of housework, had planned to sort DDs drawers out tomorrow but I might do it tonight as not sure I'll sleep.

Sorting DD's drawers is a good idea! It's work that will yield a visible result and will also make you feel a bit closer to her!

Two is my limit, too. But that's because I'm a lightweight and get silly.

Got her back.

Bit annoyed he apparently has no change of clothes for her. I was happy to provide nighttime nappies (as by the time he'd got through she'll hopefully be nighttime trained) and spare pants. But he's stuck her in the same clothes as yesterday. Wouldn't mind but she's clearly got muddy playing at the park.

He could of sent mine back or kept them and let his mum wash them, I'm honestly not bothered if we do an exchange of clothes or not. But I don't think it's on to leave her in muddy clothes.

It is only mid, take a photo and make a note if DD isn't bothered don't let it annoy you, it's a reflection on his parenting not yours.

I am not well!

I can't swallow, I feel dizzy, ache all over. Think it's tonsillitis, my mouth is so dry

Well that's a surprise. I only had a draft copy of the interim order, the actual one arrived this morning.

The 3 hour rule doesn't apply to me at all. I can do whatever I want with my time with her, he can't.

Excellent!

Yay, that is awesome!!!!

I was right, nasty case of tonsillitis, still managed to get to the Drs with DD. I asked my mum to have her for an hour but apparently she's "on strike" until I start appreciating her

Oh that’s good news! So pleased

Not good news about your mum having a sulk

What's the matter with your Mum? That's not very supportive, is she often like this?

Oy, listen to yourself, you're blaming yourself for what the dr didn't spot (or the illness simply hadn't developed yet!)- that's madness. So someone trained was unable to tell, but you should've been able to.

Bribe your DD with something she likes if it makes you feel better, okay, maybe not Calpol . Be happy she likes it, I used to have pin my kid to make him take any medicine .

Hope you start feeling better and it's rubbish your mum's chosen this particular moment in time to be difficult.

My mum goes through depressive phases where she justt gets grumpy, says she's worthless, has no friends, spends all day in bed and makes digs at me about not appreciating her or other similar things (last time it was how ungrateful I am). She worries me when she's like this, she spends months sometimes in these phases making no progress. She also gets reckless with money so will buy herself expensive cars and holidays refuses to budget etc because she thinks the world owes her these things when in reality she has a NMW job which just doesn't stretch - she's currently trying to access her private pension as she seems to think the government will ignore the money in it as she's not working at the moment (signed off sick by the Dr). Unlike me when I was at my darkest I made progress because even when I couldn't be bothered I had DD, had to get up, take her to Nursery and the fresh air would help. My brother doesn't help, but it's not his fault as they bounce off each other - he has Borderline Personality Disorder with Bipolar tendencies. My brothers view of the world is generally very warped anyway, and my mums is when she's in one of these moods, so they don't help each other. I dread phonecalls from either of them when they're like this as I'm worried I'm going to be told something awful. It does not help my anxiety at all, but I'm learning that even when they're in these moods their choices are their own, there's nothing I can do.

I bribed DD with tablet time and pizza, chips and beans for tea, she was an absolute star though. Got me blankets when I cold and took them away when I was too hot, fed the cat for me (with a bit of help), and even checked me over with her doctors set "Oh no mummy you need cuddles to make you better" then got under the blankets with me. Went to get my antibiotics this morning and popped into her favourite sweet shop and got her a giant jelly snake and some chocolate mice as they're her favourites. She's in Nursery today so I can spend today resting and taking the strong painkillers. I did have to take her myself as I needed to sign her ear drops in, but I took it slow - usually takes 20 mins to walk in the morning but it took me 40 this morning, walking back was slightly quicker as I left the pushchair at Nursery.

Was feeling ok, did a load of washing. Then tried to eat my first meal since Sunday morning.

Bad idea. My throat is now burning and a headache is starting back to a diet of ice cream, yogurt, water and milk it is.

Just take it minute by minute. It's so stressful when one is ill and can't just 'lay the load down'. But you'll cope and will feel better eventually.

I love DD and her med kit. My DS1 had a play doctor's bag and used to do the same. However, his 'cure' for everything was M&Ms. He'd even 'dose them out', 2 for me and 3 or 4 for him!

As far as your mum, just remember that only she can do something about her feelings. You can't. All you can do is be kind to her, remember that she's not feeling herself, and ignore the rest.