To say I’ve won! I’ve actually won!

[YouWinAgain]

Some of you will recognise my story. I hope you do, and yes I am that poster.

In March 2018 I was attacked and had threats made against my life by my husband in front of our DD aged 2 at the time.

I left him and he was a s**t. He and his family made my life hell threatening to take DD out of her Nursery, pinning me against shelves in supermarkets, accusing me of alienating DD from her paternal family, and basically being made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. He also left me and DD living at my mums for 10 days just because he could. He left me with GAD, PTSD and Social Anxiety.

In November he took me to court for full residency of DD, now aged 3, accusing me of emotionally abusing her and not being able to put her first.

It was a rough time for me; I almost gave up at times, felt like everything was against me including the Social Worker who seemed to swap sides after it went to court. She was also at times suggesting 50/50 contact.

I got a SHL (S**t Hot Lawyer) and was still worried, panicking and had to be grounded several times by her and posters on MN thank you all. I had home condition problems when we first split but did my upmost to work with everyone and get myself back on track. At times I felt like it was hopeless even when he didn’t turn up to her appointments or Nativity Play.

DRA hearing is 2 weeks today. Had the final meeting with the SW this morning to give me the S7, I was nervous as I was expecting her to be on ExHs side.

There’s two bits of good news:

1. SW was recommending that DD stay living with me, and contact with ExH be once a week for 2 hours, and then every other Sunday for 5 hours going up to full day contact (9am-5pm) in 3 months’ time and then overnight just Saturday every other weekend from September when DD starts school. SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

But 2) 2 weeks before the DRA, ExH has decided to drop the residency and just apply for consistent regular contact with DD. He hasn’t asked for a specific pattern so I think my SHL can negotiate.

I am crying with happiness. We still have to go to court on 21st but I’m not worried anymore, they aren’t taking my DD off me. Looks like SW was on DDs side and neither mine or ExHs.

Sometimes it pays to persevere. I’ve won haven’t I? I’ve actually won!

I'm not a solicitor (nor in the UK!), but I'd think that you ARE still contesting contact. The case isn't settled yet, is it? After all, what's going on now is, in essence, an 'experiment' to see how contact goes. Then a final order will be made? I'd think legal aid would continue until the final ruling.

Yes we're still on an Interim Order at the moment, it is an experiment, but I'm so far happy with contact, there will be a few tweaks I think but I'm not going to try and get contact removed or anything. He cancels the Thursday a lot but if I let it stay in the order and he chooses to work at least he can't complain or say I never let her see him. I just want this over with now and to move on with my life. Contesting the contact would open up a whole new can of worms and could potentially put me in a position I'm uncomfortable with.

OK, I think I get it. You're just working up to the judge signing off on the interim order, making it the final order.

Even if you have to pay, I think it's worth it to keep your solicitor until the final order is granted. Better safe than sorry and he's been a slippery little shit before.

You're just working up to the judge signing off on the interim order, making it the final order.

Yes, the tweaks I want are to timings not to the actual contact. So I want her back with my by 5.30pm as bedtime routine starts at 5.45pm so she's in bed by 6.30pm. Then I want contact every other weekend to start slightly later on the Saturday, 10.30am instead of 10am as DD needs the extra sleep after a busy week at Nursery (remembering she's in Nursery on Fridays). But it's just that, I don't want the actual contact removed.

I feel useless, why can't I accept compliments?

Dr said i'm doing well, I'm a bit fiddlier than normal (kept playing with the metal bit on my handbag) but she thinks it's just anxiety now that needs stabilizing, she thinks my depression is stable which is good as anxiety is easier to treat than depression apparently

She's referred me for counselling and is also going to ask SW to step back a bit as she thinks too much pressure or them being overbearing could be making me worse and actually what I need is to prove to myself that I can do it.

She's also going to write/email the HA and reiterate that she feels both me and DD should be considered under medical need for a move.

She understands my frustrations over ExHs behaviour, says it's likely to be a control thing and I just need to keep being reasonable and flexible. She seems to think the courts will see him for what he is eventually.

I feel like it's all criticism of me and what if I can't do it? The thought scares me. I've been getting dizzy spells, but Dr didn't seem worried, said my HR is a bit high but as I have a heart condition it's not concerning, my BP was normal. I might be slightly anemic due to my caffeine addiction (I'm addicted to Pepsi Max ) but I'm otherwise good.

I don't see any criticism there, just support, it actually sounds good what your doc said.

Oh, and accepting compliments...us Brits have never been good at that, we tend to be self-deprecating. When someone compliments us, we put ourselves down, feel embarrassed, etc.

Years ago, it occurred to me, from watching American TV and films, that people over there, accept them, and thank the person. From that point on, I decided to do the same, after all, people don't generally compliment you unless they actually mean it. So, even if I thought they must be blind, I graciously thanked them.

It was a real turning point, and it makes me feel good.

I suggest you try it. Fake it 'til you make it!

I just see it as bad, like I've failed because I need counselling, failed because I've got someone do the fighting for me to move and to get SS off my back. I know I am working hard myself but I wanted to do it, I wanted someone to say "You've done that yourself" not "Oh the Dr did that for you".

But you did initiate it by going to the doctor in the first place.

Exactly, you did initiate it! We all need some help from others from time to time, no matter how well we're doing. Having therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. My husband is trying to get some, to help with his anxiety and depression.

If you have a headache, you take a paracetamol. If you have mental health problems, you have therapy and/or medication.

I remember being told the hardest things wre: admitting you are wrong, not pointing out you were right, and asking for help.

You've done this, asked for help. That's pretty damn impressive and something to applaud, not to criticise.

YouWinAgain - you HAVE done that yourself! You have done everything yourself, you are just using people with the correct experience and knowledge to make sure everything is done properly. I have read all your posts on both threads and think that you are an amazing mum and a wonderfully strong lady who, even if she doesn't realise it yet, will pass this on to her daughter.

Being a mum is one of the hardest 'jobs' in the world - even in the 'traditional' set up of 2 parents, 1 house, 2.4 children! There isn't a single mother alive who hasn't felt, at some point, as though she is a failure, a bad mother etc etc. Please don't be so hard on yourself (yes, I know its easier said than done! ).

Feeling a bit more positive today though I feel like the worst mother in the world as I took her to see ENT today and they've said she's got a bad infection in both ears , the GP last week said she was fine!

She probably was fine last week. How does that make you the worst mother?

She's not been fine, she's been overtired, whiney and complaining of being cold. I should of pushed harder at the doctors.

Well, maybe at that time, the doctor couldn't see any signs of infection. Ear infections can come on suddenly, and vicously. My daughter often got them when she was little. My husband has been getting them recently too, one after another.

You took her to the doctor, and the doctor couldn't see anything then. Stop beating yourself up. She's being treated now.

Mate, you are a flipping awesome parent and you are doing so bloody well! The shit you are having to cope with is astronomical and yet you are not only coping but also raising an amazing lovely little girl! You rock! Hugs.

They've mixed up her antibiotics at the hospital, they've given her eye drops instead of ear drops. The box and leaflet both say in big black letters "ONLY FOR USE IN THE EYES"

Fuming, as I waited with her for nearly 40 minutes for them to sort that prescription. Will be double checking with my own chemist on Monday, but if it is wrong I will be complaining via strongly worded email. Thankfully I'm on the ball about this stuff and read the box and leaflet before giving it to her.

She does cheer me up. Gave her calpol before bed (advised to by the ENT Consultant while we wait for antibiotics to kick in) and she says "Mmm that was tasty" made me laugh. Just what I needed today. Ear infection clearly isn't affecting her that badly!

Sorry I'm just jumping on here to say don't panic. Those eye drops are regularly used for ear infections. My DD was given them after a horrendous wear infection and the ent consultant told me they are the beat thing for clearing up an ear infection.

Are they Chloramphenicol?

Those eye drops are regularly used for ear infections

I did not know that thank you very much for the reassurance.

They're ciprofloxacin.

You might want to double check it with your own pharmacist but when we were prescribed them it also states they were eye drops and I queried it also. I hope your DD is better soon.

hippoherostandinghere Thank you so much you've really helped, your an actual hero tonight.

My grandson had an ear infection a couple of weeks ago and the drops he was prescribed were for Eyes. It seems these are normally prescribed for ears too although marked eyes on the box. His ear infection has completely healed now.

His ear infection has completely healed now

Glad your Granson is feeling better. Thank you for letting me know he was prescribed Eye Drops for his ears, it appears DDs prescription might be correct.