To say I’ve won! I’ve actually won!

[YouWinAgain]

Some of you will recognise my story. I hope you do, and yes I am that poster.

In March 2018 I was attacked and had threats made against my life by my husband in front of our DD aged 2 at the time.

I left him and he was a s**t. He and his family made my life hell threatening to take DD out of her Nursery, pinning me against shelves in supermarkets, accusing me of alienating DD from her paternal family, and basically being made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. He also left me and DD living at my mums for 10 days just because he could. He left me with GAD, PTSD and Social Anxiety.

In November he took me to court for full residency of DD, now aged 3, accusing me of emotionally abusing her and not being able to put her first.

It was a rough time for me; I almost gave up at times, felt like everything was against me including the Social Worker who seemed to swap sides after it went to court. She was also at times suggesting 50/50 contact.

I got a SHL (S**t Hot Lawyer) and was still worried, panicking and had to be grounded several times by her and posters on MN thank you all. I had home condition problems when we first split but did my upmost to work with everyone and get myself back on track. At times I felt like it was hopeless even when he didn’t turn up to her appointments or Nativity Play.

DRA hearing is 2 weeks today. Had the final meeting with the SW this morning to give me the S7, I was nervous as I was expecting her to be on ExHs side.

There’s two bits of good news:

1. SW was recommending that DD stay living with me, and contact with ExH be once a week for 2 hours, and then every other Sunday for 5 hours going up to full day contact (9am-5pm) in 3 months’ time and then overnight just Saturday every other weekend from September when DD starts school. SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

But 2) 2 weeks before the DRA, ExH has decided to drop the residency and just apply for consistent regular contact with DD. He hasn’t asked for a specific pattern so I think my SHL can negotiate.

I am crying with happiness. We still have to go to court on 21st but I’m not worried anymore, they aren’t taking my DD off me. Looks like SW was on DDs side and neither mine or ExHs.

Sometimes it pays to persevere. I’ve won haven’t I? I’ve actually won!

Certainly something to discuss with the manager, perhaps she can go down to 2 days for July?

How do they work out the invoicing as the funding shouldn't be spread over the July and August holidays anyway

What they do is they calculate the price for the amount of time left, so 1st April - 31st July, then minus the money they get in funding, then divide the remaining amount by the amount of months left to pay to give you your monthly amount so it's the same amount each month. Basically stretching the funding over a calendar year rather than the academic year.

Look up your notice period then and get them to confirm in writing her last chargeable day and how much the term will cost etc.

Notice period is one month.

But I've just dug out the contract and realised that it states the deposit I paid when she started would be knocked off the last months bill, it wasn't a huge amount but it would be enough of a saving to keep her there for an extra month so worth asking about that as well!

Despite not sleeping last night insomnia is awful I still feel pretty damn good.

Got the phones and tablet from my granddad to sell, and I've found an old games console my dick ExH left which should be worth £30 or so.

Dropped DD at Nursery and door manager said PS manager wants to speak to me at pickup tonight, so hoping they've found a solution or we can come to an arrangement.

I love this Nursery.

If I pick DD up at 3pm on Wednesday and Friday I'll save myself £20 a week or there abouts as I'm not paying for the after school care from 3pm-6pm, aka a saving of £80 a month.

Funding is used up 8am-4pm Tuesday and 8am-3pm on Wednesday (minus 1 hour for lunch) so I'm saving myself money while still using my entitlement to 15 hours. They'll use the 5 hours a week funded by the council on a Friday as they don't have to explain where those are used. If I need to put her into Nursery longer on Wednesday or Friday they can invoice for it seperately.

I only haven't dropped her hours on Tuesdays as I often leave her until 5.30pm due to a workshop/counselling thing I do on Tuesday.

Win-win for everyone and if it's bought up in court she's technically lost about 3 hours a week as I usually pick up between 4.30pm and 5.30pm and I don't think they'll worry about 3 hours!

That's fantastic news!

Brilliant!

You are doing so well.

You seem so much more in control even when things are not going well you seem to be coping so much better than when you started posting.

Keep going.

PS it is so fucking stupid that they would take a child from a loving parent to one who doesn't even deal with their child's problem so that parent can pay for them to be in child care for the same length of time. The system is really screwed up.

You seem so much more in control even when things are not going well

Since 2019 started I've felt much more in control, not sure if it's because of a new year, settling on my tablets, or a combination of everything. But it's working. I'm learning that if things were as bad as my brain would have me believe it was then they'd have taken DD or not put the support in place for me; the FSW, the FPO, the referral to a specialist job agency who work with women who've been the victims of abuse and help them into work, they've even tried to help with my debts, although that didn't quite go to plan but we're getting there.

I still panic whenever it's contact day as I know I have to see him, I still worry and feel like the time passes so slowly while she's there but he's going to have contact despite his history. So I can wait for him to mess up again or I can keep calm and put my DD first. I've even decided not to be bothered if I have to provide everything for his weekends. At the end of the day DD shouldn't suffer because her parents are separated. I do think the courts might be on my side too, the S7 report documents the abuse right from when DD was 4 months old up until I left him nearly a year ago now can't believe it's been a year.

I just need to remember to not set my expectations so high of myself, start slow and build up - Rome wasn't built in a day. But I do have days where I think I should be over it by now, and I should be like other single mums, getting on with it.

Well done op! So glad that cutting just an hour has made it so much more affordable for you! You have come a long way and in a relatively short time

Winning again!

Had a call from FPO, she said I am entitled to a grant from the the local council as due to my circumstances I have been left in hardship.

It's a grant not a loan, so I can pay it back if I like but no pressure to do so (I probably will pay it back when I'm back on my feet proper).

She's also going to help me reapply for DLA for DD to hopefully get MRC for her, as she's currently on LRC. If we get MRC i can then apply for carers allowence so basically I'll be £100 a week better off.

That's great! Your FPO is really on top of things. The DLA advice I had was to write as if it was the child's worst days.

Coming out of ExHs today, Mini shouts "Mummy, mummy, I missed you" and gave me the biggest hug ever, she'd been away from me 3 hours and 5 minutes.

Cried happy tears.

Well done op!

I know how you feel! Cunt of an ex that also made my life hell and also took me to court.

Last hearing (fact finding) the judge found every allegation in my favour! Persist with the truth and you'll get there in the end

ExH "Can you drop (DD) with my mum at 3pm next Thursday instead of 2pm, I'm working until 2.45, I'll be home no later than 3.15pm"

Me "Fine but can you drop her at (Doctors Surgery) with my mum at 6pm? I have an appointment out of town at 5pm, I'll be back no later than 6.15pm, mum will take her home and get her ready for bed"

ExH "I'm not dropping her with your mum"

Me "Then I won't be dropping her with yours, you can pick her up from me when you've finished work, I'll expect you around 3.15pm, I'll pick her up in her pyjamas ready to put straight to bed at about 6.30pm"

ExH "I'll drop her with your mum at 6pm"

I'm starting to get my own way with him. I am happy to compromise and let his mum have her for an hour or so while he finishes work but it works both ways and my mum should be able to help me out too.

I may have missed if you've said this, but does Mini have a portage worker? DS has one and they helped us fill in the DLA form so we put all the right words and things and he was awarded MRC, he has autism.

No I looked into Portage before but couldn't get a worker, but having just checked the website they have a Portage worker in a city less than 20 miles from me so maybe they'd be useful, will contact them.

That arrogant piece of trash who has probably spoken to a child who has been sexually/physically/emotionally abused or neglected today.

Maldives

Well done you are learning how to play him

That arrogant piece of trash who has probably spoken to a child who has been sexually/physically/emotionally abused or neglected today.

Unfortunately I can't stop contact, I wish I could. He's changing contact left right and centre though, so I'm playing the long game. Everything is falling into place nicely.

And if he is abusing her then I will use every aspect of the law to stop him ever even looking at her again.

Nursery have managed to save me even more money! An extra £10 a month, if I take her out mid-august (2 weeks before school starts) that's 6 days she loses but will save me the £10. I want to take her away anyway then so it works out well for us.

I think I love your nursery!

Binglebong Me too they've gone out of their way to accommodate DD, will miss them all when she leaves

Dont think about that, think about the way they obviously think you are a great mum to Mini or they wouldn't be trying to help you. Did you say she may end up doing after school care there?