To say I’ve won! I’ve actually won!

[YouWinAgain]

Some of you will recognise my story. I hope you do, and yes I am that poster.

In March 2018 I was attacked and had threats made against my life by my husband in front of our DD aged 2 at the time.

I left him and he was a s**t. He and his family made my life hell threatening to take DD out of her Nursery, pinning me against shelves in supermarkets, accusing me of alienating DD from her paternal family, and basically being made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. He also left me and DD living at my mums for 10 days just because he could. He left me with GAD, PTSD and Social Anxiety.

In November he took me to court for full residency of DD, now aged 3, accusing me of emotionally abusing her and not being able to put her first.

It was a rough time for me; I almost gave up at times, felt like everything was against me including the Social Worker who seemed to swap sides after it went to court. She was also at times suggesting 50/50 contact.

I got a SHL (S**t Hot Lawyer) and was still worried, panicking and had to be grounded several times by her and posters on MN thank you all. I had home condition problems when we first split but did my upmost to work with everyone and get myself back on track. At times I felt like it was hopeless even when he didn’t turn up to her appointments or Nativity Play.

DRA hearing is 2 weeks today. Had the final meeting with the SW this morning to give me the S7, I was nervous as I was expecting her to be on ExHs side.

There’s two bits of good news:

1. SW was recommending that DD stay living with me, and contact with ExH be once a week for 2 hours, and then every other Sunday for 5 hours going up to full day contact (9am-5pm) in 3 months’ time and then overnight just Saturday every other weekend from September when DD starts school. SW suggested the weekly contact cannot clash with her appointments or social occasions!

But 2) 2 weeks before the DRA, ExH has decided to drop the residency and just apply for consistent regular contact with DD. He hasn’t asked for a specific pattern so I think my SHL can negotiate.

I am crying with happiness. We still have to go to court on 21st but I’m not worried anymore, they aren’t taking my DD off me. Looks like SW was on DDs side and neither mine or ExHs.

Sometimes it pays to persevere. I’ve won haven’t I? I’ve actually won!

Don't try to work out why someone would maliciously report you. Their reasons will be twisted, so it probably wouldn't make any sense.

It could simply be that they wanted to cause you inconvenience and worry. Which is what it has done, because you're now sitting there worrying.

Try to stop thinking about it now. Read something, or go to bed, and speak to your SHL tomorrow.

Take some deep breaths. Someone (I think we know who!) was trying to make you feel uncomfortable and/or threatened. Don't let them! YOU know that you are perfectly fine and that you've been in contact with all those near and dear to you (including nursery). That leaves only HIM (or his parents).

The 'gain' for them would be to hope that either you 'freaked out' when the police showed up (which you did not do!!) or to just create discomfort in you in hopes that it will undermine your confidence. Don't let it. You are a great mum who takes wonderful care of her lovely Mini AND her home! No one expects a house to be spotless. Remember "clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy!" is good enough.

Do call your SHL. She may be able to get to the bottom of this.

Bet it’s that fucking social worker

Bet it’s that fucking social worker

Another way to look at is that the police came round;

Saw that dd was visibly tucked up in bed, safe and warm, asleep and where she should be at that time if night. You were there, quiet, able to talk to them, not pissed out of your skull, you weren’t holding a massive rave with rent boys and class A drugs. Just a normal, quiet Monday night in with your dd. No one, and I mean NO ONE can say anything negative about that!

Don't panic, I think it was very much harassment/intimidation from the ex. They found a perfectly normal Monday evening and may well have realised that it was malicious already!

It's actually good that there will be a paper trail of evidence for your SHL to draw on if required.

Just feels like it's one thing after another at the moment, I am trying my best but no-one seems to care. Feel like giving up, it's what they all want anyway isn't it?

Expecting SW and/or the FSW today, so I've been up all night cleaning and scrubbing. DD has a doctors appointment,so was late to Nursery and now feel horrendously guilty and watched and judged. Arghh I thought I was through this.

Deep breathes, calm down!!!

SW wants to ensure DD is safe and well cared for by you, You are doing that so don't start down the route.

Your ex and family want to punish you because they are abusive and angry at you. Build that wall around yourself and don't let their actions or behaviours get you doubting yourself. You know you are a good (and the best) parent for Mini - let them play games, keep your head held high and inwardly laugh at their feeble attempts to get you back under their thumb.

Right stop right there, sit down have a cup of tea and BREATH.

You are no worse and no better then any other parent.

YOU know the GP thinks you are a good parent for MINI,

YOU know the nursery manager and workers KNOW not only are you a good parent that you are far and above what your EX can do.

Tell SW/FSW what happen last night, let them know someone (Don't mention EX) sent the police around. Let them know who you have seen in the last few days and tell them you don't understand why anyone would do this. If any thing it will flag up if they get and malicious reports about you.

I can't add anything that the others haven't said. But, you're starting to catastrophise again, so you need to stop that.

A thought has occurred to me. Does ex know that the SW is coming today? Just wondering if that could be why the police turned up. If him/his family, rang them, knowing it would put you in a bad place today, and possibly not behave "normally" in front of the SW.

Having dealt with and worked with SW’s for a number of years they are concerned with one thing, and one thing only. The safety of the child. After baby P they are terrified they will get blamed should anything happen to a child. Most of what they do is to ensure that, should, something happen, they will be seen as to have done everything in their power to ensure the safety of the child (arse covering basically). If you think like this then it’s esier to deal with them.

Please contact your SHL and log it with her and see if she thinks you need to take any further steps.

Another way to look at this is that it’s proof you have a support structure in place that’s willing to go to the police if they haven’t heard from you. (Even if you don’t know who it is)

I’ve had a bath, washed my hair (always helps) and hoovered my living room. Feel exhausted but I know I’ve done my best.

Wasn’t expecting SW today as she’s not made an appointment but thought they might make a no notice appearance due to last night but apparently not as no-ones been.

Good. Glad you feel better.
Have you spoken to your SHL about last night visit.
Even if she can’t do anything about it she will have a record of events.

And she turns up (SW).

Bought her lovely Family Partnership officer with her instead of the FSW. Similar job but the FPO works with the DWP and other people and is going to help in areas FSW can't.

They've said my living room and kitchen look a lot better, it's just my bedroom I really need to tackle. That's the most difficult for me, but I am going to do it.

They're coming out again Thursday. They'd popped to Nursery first, just to check DD was there, they didn't actually speak to her, they did see her laughing through the window though apparently.

I am so exhausted. I actually physically ache.

Did you mention last night to them?

They already knew, hence the no-notice visit

So what was her take on it.

Did she have any idea who made the malicious reporting to the police.

What has your SHL said about it.

SHL was in court today so I've left a message with her secretary to get back to me.

SW has no idea who it was that reported me but said it's good in a way if it was one of my neighbours checking up on me as a couple of them know what happened with ExH and might have been worried he'd been back and done something to me. She didn't seem to think it was malicious.

Interesting that the SW acknowledged that your Ex is still a risk to you, that people may be concerned he's hurt/killed you...

My heart really goes out to you OP, this sounds like such an awful situation.

You have done the right things so I’m sure it’s clear you have nothing to hide, and therefore nothing to worry about. I really hope things stabilise for your soon and you can get to a peaceful and happy life with your little girl. I also have a 3 year old girl and my heart aches at the stress this situation is causing you

I've just read your thread and you are obviously a super mum, extremely capable and your daughter is very lucky to have a mum like you. Hope everything goes well in the future for you both.

I wondered where you had gone and I’d been worrying about things had gone.

I think on the whole the access arrangements are a lot better than they could have been and honestly I think he’ll struggle to consistently meet them.

If I had a SW turn up unannounced they’d have a fit. I’ve been in hospital and then had a heavy cold. It’s an absolute tip and covered in toys! You will get there, just set a goal a day and work through it.

You sound so much better in yourself, I can hear your ‘voice’ not just panic. Well done

Zofloramummy I wondered where you were, so glad you found us. Hope you're ok, sounds like you've had a tough time of it to.

They did catch me on one of my better days, had they come yesterday there would have been crumbs everywhere, toys on the carpet and possibly a bit of washing up to be done. The joys of having a 3 year old scared of the hoover!

Haha! My washing machine broke in December so my house looks like the inside of an industrial laundry at the moment as I’m still catching up. I also ripped up my dining room floor in a fit of DIY after Xmas.

And I’m currently not allowed the Hoover the living room as there is an LOL doll shoe that’s gone AWOL

Am really glad I found your thread (eventually )