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Original poster

Boyfriends ex pregnant

123 replies

marnieja · 07/01/2019 07:05

My boyfriend normally meets his ex every December when she comes home to see family for Xmas . He didn't see her this year and hadn't heard from her so called her and she told him she was pregnant it was a shock etc although she's been dating her boyfriend for a couple years.

My boyfriend has completely changed since hearing this he said he needed space so I'm staying at my sisters . We were having problems before . He's been drinking a lot and now told me he's taken a week off work to go stay in a random city on his own cos he needs to get away.

She's his only serious ex and I wonder is this a one that got away type reaction? We don't have any children and he's never mentioned wanting children. I'm just a bit confused to this reaction although he says it's nothing to do with her .

OP posts:
MamaDane · 07/01/2019 09:16

He's obviously not over her. I was with my ex for five years and if she got engaged/married I'd only be happy for her. (Although I would pity the child if she were to get pregnant.)

Massive red flag.

He's told you before that you were jealous for no reason. He's visited her for Christmas. He's upset because she's having a kid.

He is still hung up on her. Your instincts are correct.

Reminds me of the man who wanted to name his future daughter (wife's pregnant) after the ex that got away. Absolutely messed up.

lauraannk · 07/01/2019 09:16

Really odd reaction to your ex being pregnant. How long have you been together and how long was he with her?

Did anything else happen with your relationship prior to this or is him wanting space purely based on his ex? If it's the latter then it doesn't sound great but you did the right thing asking him to explain why he upped and left.

Agree with PP's that you may need to consider ending things. Even if he brushes this off as not being a big deal and he's happy with you etc, I think you will always wonder if that's true.

This is how I would react if my current relationship ended (am married) and I needed time alone. Not how you react to an update from an ex partner.

whatacarryon2018 · 07/01/2019 09:21

I'm going to play the devils advocate here.
It doesn't look good and I agree with other posters that it sounds like he's not over her.
However. When my serious ex got married. I went awol for a week. It had nothing to do with my current boyfriend. I adore him and only want to be with him. It just shook me hugely and didn't react well. It's almost like he nostalgia of or relationship was changed.

Namechange8471 · 07/01/2019 09:21

I strongly suspect the baby might be his op...

whatacarryon2018 · 07/01/2019 09:22

Sorry, sent too soon.
Ex boyfriend now happily married and myself and boyfriend as strong as ever.

BollocksToBrexit · 07/01/2019 09:25

Why's he punishing you for his ex being pregnant?

Dvg · 07/01/2019 09:29

I think Regardless of his feelings for her.. he isn't thinking about your feelings, he has kicked you out of your home and hasn't given you an explanation as too why hes acting so shady : /

I would be telling him how wrong he is acting and to be honest i wouldn't be continuing the relationship because i wouldn't constantly want to be worried that i was just second best like a rebound.

Imalittleelf · 07/01/2019 09:31

I still can't get over that him and the ex meet up at Christmas..... surely if they were friends they would see each other or at least talk more than that...

This is very strange and I would want out. Sorry op hope it all works out for you

Passing4Human · 07/01/2019 10:23

I've known quite a few people who seem to get on well with their exes as friends, until something like this happens: sometimes it's news of an engagement or marriage, sometimes it's pregnancy. It's like until that point there was a door still potentially open to the old relationship and now that's closed and the person freaks out because they were never properly over the old relationship. I suspect your BF wasn't over the relationship with his ex and their annual meetings kept him hoping that one day they might get back together. Now he knows that's not going to happen. It's incredibly unkind and disrespectful towards you OP.

I've also never known a bloke who pulled this disappearing for weeks at a time to "find himself" who wasn't a self-absorbed twat. I sincerely think you deserve better than this OP. You deserve someone who adores you, not harbours feelings for some ex-GF.

Original poster
marnieja · 07/01/2019 12:17

He responded

"Another accusation that I’m still in love with I someone went out with 3 years ago and that I’m lying. Shit like that why I’m having a breakdown. Thanks for supportive send off."

Supportive send off ?? HmmHmmHmm

OP posts:
TeddybearBaby · 07/01/2019 12:22

What would you like to say to that?! I have no idea what he’s talking about. Why is he having a breakdown over his ex being pregnant 🤔

MyOtherProfile · 07/01/2019 12:45

No. He doesn't get to blame you for this.

SparklyMagpie · 07/01/2019 12:47

Cheeky bastard! I couldn't be doing with any of that, needs to bloody grow up. Don't take ANY blame

I also agree something is fishy and I like others, also assumed the ex lived abroad not an hour away.

I'll admit I did think of the possibility the baby is his, it's a very odd reaction and him needing this space and you're stuck in limbo?

You sound lovely OP and you don't need someone putting blame on you and through a situation like this

You deserve better

LatinJules · 07/01/2019 12:53

This is all very strange. I would run for the hills if I were you.

Lovemusic33 · 07/01/2019 13:00

Just end it with him.

He’s trying to turn it around on you, he’s the only one that has a problem, the problem being he still has feelings for his ex. If he is having a breakdown it’s not your fault and he can’t expect you to stand by him whilst he has a breakdown over his ex. Run for the hills and don’t look back.

DuchessofManchester · 07/01/2019 13:02

Oh tell him to fuck off! You deserve so much better

brighteyeowl17 · 07/01/2019 13:03

Does he want you to end it so he can have sympathy?!

QueenofmyPrinces · 07/01/2019 13:22

My immediate thought was that it might be his baby.....

His latest text screams guilt to me!

MrsBrianWarner · 07/01/2019 13:24

Sack it off.

Tis a loser

GoldenBee · 07/01/2019 13:24

'He's having a breakdown'?!?! OP he definitely isn't over her. You deserve better from a relationship. Nobody should be dating anyone who responds like that to an ex having a baby.

OrdinaryGirl · 07/01/2019 13:28

OP, silence is the best course of action here. Focus on your wellbeing and peace of mind. Deeds not words!

LottieLou90 · 07/01/2019 13:34

I’d respond with
“A breakdown over your ex of 3 years ago????. Why wouldn’t I think anything else other than you’re not over her?? Supportive send off? I’m your CURRENT girlfriend. Surely you should be reassuring ME and not running off??”

Or better yet, respond with “it’s clear how you’re feeling due to your reaction and running away and needing space. I’ll make this easy for you and end this now as I deserve someone to put me first not their ex of 3 years. I’m not sure why I should be supporting my partner because their ex of 3 years is pregnant. Unless there’s more to this story”

Sorry OP. You deserve so much more than this loser. I’m fuming on your behalf. How dare he treat you like this. X

Imalittleelf · 07/01/2019 13:34

Op this might not help but I know with previous relationships I wish there was someone who could have passed on experience to me.

My first dodgy relationship he had a kid with someone else which was fine but as time went on he was seeing the kid and her more and more together... didn't think there was anything wrong with this. Then I started getting messages from her telling me he was cheating on me blah blah but he batted away told me I was being crazy. 6 months later I discover he got her pregnant again. I called it all off and had one last Meeting with him to give him back his crap... as I drove away distraught that this had happened he text to say that if I was ever lonely and wanted to hook up he would be up for it Hmm

2nd one he had gone off for alone time and struggled with a relationship despite pursuing me. He had booked a holiday on Valentine's day and gone silent a few times..I didn't think anything of it. Eventually moved in together all was ok. Then he started spending more time alone, going off for boys weekends to have a break, wouldn't let me even move his phone let alone know who was constantly messaging him. Turned out he had been cheating on me with a mutual friend.

Both times they had convinced me I was crazy and seeing things, their friendships were innocent. I eventually learnt a massive lesson.

My dh now is so open and honest and doesn't do any of those things. It took time but I realised I was much better without them and the met someone who actually treated me with respect.

From your information he is not respecting you as a partner and trying to make you look to be the bad guy which you are not.

Just on this information I would walk away and move on

selepele · 07/01/2019 13:36

hes not over her

UnicornSlaughters · 07/01/2019 13:41

He is being utterly ridiculous. There's more to this.

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