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Original poster

Boyfriends ex pregnant

123 replies

marnieja · 07/01/2019 07:05

My boyfriend normally meets his ex every December when she comes home to see family for Xmas . He didn't see her this year and hadn't heard from her so called her and she told him she was pregnant it was a shock etc although she's been dating her boyfriend for a couple years.

My boyfriend has completely changed since hearing this he said he needed space so I'm staying at my sisters . We were having problems before . He's been drinking a lot and now told me he's taken a week off work to go stay in a random city on his own cos he needs to get away.

She's his only serious ex and I wonder is this a one that got away type reaction? We don't have any children and he's never mentioned wanting children. I'm just a bit confused to this reaction although he says it's nothing to do with her .

OP posts:
Sarahandduck18 · 07/01/2019 07:59

Bizarre!

paintinmyhairAgain · 07/01/2019 08:00

meant to add you say she lives an hour away ? visiting once a year i got the impression she lived aboard. there seems a lot more to this than meets the eye. i would be concerned and probably ready to dump him for the drama and mind games tbh.

Original poster
marnieja · 07/01/2019 08:00

It's become a kind of tradition to meet around Christmas as she's back visiting her parents. It's strange I didn't realise how bizarre this all is until I've seen it written down and it does seem a bit off :(

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 07/01/2019 08:01

His reaction is abnormal to the situation and he called you crazy and jealous to
Question his attitude to his ex. This is a massive reg flag without the reaction to ex’s pregnancy.

adaline · 07/01/2019 08:01

Well if he's not sleeping with her he certainly isn't over her and I wouldn't be prepared to play second best to someone's ex for the rest of my life.

But an hour really isn't far away - it's not like she's at the other end of the country. I would be prepared for bad news if I were you OP. Sorry Thanks

cushioncuddle · 07/01/2019 08:01

He's messing with your head. He is treating you appallingly but then giving you the sweet talk - I love you blah blah.

Remember the saying - actions speak louder than words.

His action is that his level of care for you is to walk out , have some single time and leave you not knowing if or when he is coming back.

Someone who truly cares for someone doesn't do something that will make the person they love hurt.

And honestly, what is with this finding myself crap. When have you ever needed to go away to discover your real self.

Mothergooseflying · 07/01/2019 08:04

Last bit of Advice from me, take his options away from him, tell him you will not be made to feel like this, and you are not going to wait around, for him to sort his issue's out, but he think's it's ok to give you upset and issue's in the process, and just think on!!! if he does this now after this short time living together, how many more time's in future, is he going to do it, you are the one out staying with your sister's, he is the one wasting money on hotel bills, and taking time off work, honestly think long and hard , about staying in this relationship, because god help you, if a real problem arose for you both, would he be gone again?, my answer yes, I think you know your answer deep down, you are worth more. Best Wishes.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/01/2019 08:05

Oh OP, how crap for you, he’s behaving like an arse. He’s obviously still in love with her and is stringing you along. Hope you can muster the strength to dump him despite his protestations.

This situation is not good enough for you. Don’t suffer it any longer.

Jammiebammie · 07/01/2019 08:09

Could she have possibly been pregnant and lost the baby or had an abortion when they were together? That could bring up a whole lot of mixed emotions for him, while it doesn’t excuse his behaviour it could explain it a bit.
Perhaps way off the mark, and it does sound more like he’s not over her, but perhaps another angle to think of?

MyOtherProfile · 07/01/2019 08:09

Yeah it's definitely not his baby he hasn't seen her since last Christmas . She lives about an hour away
Something fishy here. I got the impression she was abroad or far away and only came back once a year. If she's only am hour away I would think there's a good chance he has seen her in between. Either he is totally besotted with her, in which case you need to end it, or he is the daddy, in which case you need to end it.

Don't put up with this behaviour. Tell him if he does love you as he says then he needs to prioritise your relationship.

WH1SPERS · 07/01/2019 08:20

She spends Christmas with her family so she gets on well with them. Yet she only visits them once a year, even though she lives an hour away.

Nope, I don’t believe it.

How do you know that your BF is going to a random city and hour away in the other direction?

And why on Earth does he needs a week’s holiday to deal with the fact that his ex of 2 years is Pregnant ?

Will he need a fortnight to recover after the baby is born and three weeks if he doesn’t like the baby’s name ?

It’s ridiculous .

londonrach · 07/01/2019 08:20

Poor guy. Hes not over her and this pregnancy annoucement has really hit him. You know what you need to do op. Find someone who thinks you are the one. Dont settle on this guy. He needs longer and if he still in love with her whilst with you hes not for you. You have amazing exciting time ahead of you. Give yourself time And see your friends. xx

Itwasatuesday · 07/01/2019 08:22

Sounds like an ex of mine op. We were friends then when I got engaged he lost it. Phoned up my as apparently we were meant to be together and he'd just been waiting. Waiting for 6 years and had had 3 girlfriends, one of whom he was living with. I felt sorry for those girls and I had no idea we were in some kind of holding pattern.

Sorry to say it does sound like you were 'good enough' until she came back and now he's realised she isn't coming back. He will probably return to you but I wouldn't want him as he's shown what he is really doing. You deserve to be someone's 'the one' OP.

Original poster
marnieja · 07/01/2019 08:23

Thanks all. I have messaged him and told him I need an explanation for all this. Hopefully he will be honest with me

OP posts:
Itwasatuesday · 07/01/2019 08:26

Also OP there is a thread in Relationship where the OP married but her DH has now heard that 'the one that got away' is actually divorced and despite having kids etc he is very much invested in his old love. Worth a read?

Hidillyho · 07/01/2019 08:29

His actions are not saying the same thing as what he is saying.
My ex had a baby. I was in love with him prior to my current DP. My reaction was congratulations not to take a week off work and go somewhere else for head space

Her reaction is weird also. Did she come at Christmas? They see each other every year and then suddenly she’s pregnant so doesn’t contact him.
Who broke up with who? And why?
It’s not seeming like ‘the one that got away’ reaction from either of them.

How long have you been with him??

harrypotterfan1604 · 07/01/2019 08:33

I agree with other than you need an explanation and to find someone who will treat you better.
It’s all very odd!
When I read this I immediately assumed it was his baby, it really does sound like he’s been seeing her behind your back. If it’s not his baby then he’s still got real feelings for her this is not a normal way to react.
You poor thing I can’t imagine how awful it
Must be for you :(
Be firm with him he needs to explain his actions and then you can make your choice but if I were you I’d have my bags packed already xx

Lalala89 · 07/01/2019 08:33

So sorry you are going though this OP. I'm sure you know in your heart what the right thing is here.

SunLover53 · 07/01/2019 08:39

Ah OP I hope you're feeling ok? What a horrible position to be in. Not much to add that hasn't been said but will say that while you can say it all sounds bizarre it's always the same while in a relationship - it's very difficult to see the full picture and take things as people from outside can. Everyone's responses on here are the same, this is not normal and a massive red flag. Just because they have been broken up for a few years doesn't mean he has gotten over here, which clearly he hasn't. Yes sorting out somewhere to live might be a bit of a faff but for sure less hassle than spending the rest of your life wondering if you'll ever be good enough. He might say he loves you and wants to be with you but actions speak louder than words!

Badwifey · 07/01/2019 08:46

An hour away is nothing op. I would be seriously asking if it's his child based on his reaction. It is far too extreme for "friends" to react this way to a pregnancy announcement.

It's either his baby OR he's had his heart set on getting back with her and this baby has killed his chances of that.

Actually I think it's the latter tbh. Either way I wouldn't waste my time on him. You're only ever going to be second best. Pack your bags.

UbbesPonytail · 07/01/2019 08:54

OP, I feel like I should say that although asking him to explain himself is in itself the right thing to do, he feels like the victim in this. He won’t see this properly from your perspective; it will be about his pain/confusion etc.

If he’s away, go home. You don’t have to pack but I’d organise the house in such a way that it’s easy for either one of you to pack and leave when he gets back.

I had a little cry when my ex got engaged not because I was jealous but because I was so happy that he’d finally sorted his life out. I will always love him, but it’s in a ‘there’s that wonderful person’ way - not an in love with, need space to grieve his milestones without me way. That’s healthy. Your boyfriends reaction is not and, like PPs have said, don’t stay in a relationship where you feel like you’re not quite enough. Because you are and you deserve a relationship where you feel like that.

Pachyderm1 · 07/01/2019 08:58

Sorry OP, that’s so shit for you. But I agree these aren’t the actions of someone who is over their ex. I hope you’re ok Flowers

greeneyedlulu · 07/01/2019 09:01

Run and don't look back!!

I know it's shitty breaking up with someone but you really need to do this now. He's obviously not over his ex and is behaving like a child.

You deserve someone who is 100% committed to you and not someone who clearly still has feelings for his ex.
It's hard now I know but imagine having a kid in the mix and then realising he's wrong for you?
You'll be fine in the end.
Good luck x

user1486915549 · 07/01/2019 09:02

This doesn’t make sense
She is only an hour away. They broke up only a couple of years ago but have a “ tradition “ of meeting once a year ( but not this year )
Not a very long tradition is it !
Sorry , he’s lying to you

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/01/2019 09:11

Sorry OP - he is not over her. Suspect he is lying to you as well. Time to Get Rid!

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