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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for your embarrassing toddler moments that would be hilarious if they happened to some one else

99 replies

Tmtiger · 06/01/2019 20:52

I am writing a comedy novel and want a few scenes where the perfectionist mothers attempts to get everything perfect are completely cut down by her children in humiliating or ridiculous ways.

Would you mind sharing your stories a) for everyone to have a chuckle and b)to perhaps get me out of my writer's block

OP posts:

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 06/01/2019 21:01

Used to be a club dancer. Had a pair of 7” heels. Kids aged 2 and 1 got them out of the wardrobe and were at the top of the stairs (don’t ask me how the little ninjas got past the stair gate) wearing fancy dress and wearing my seven inch heels playing Cinderella.

Cue me crawling up the stairs like a fecking panther (ready to catch) saying ‘don’t move... you look lovely... don’t move...’

Grab one under each arm and tell them off with the sentence ‘if you fall down the stairs in those you’ll break your neck!’

Fast forward two weeks to Tesco at Christmas with my beautiful girls. Place is packed. Dd1 shouts loudly at dd2 upon seeing the shoe rack ‘don’t touch those dd2 otherwise mummy will break your neck!’

The shame.

OneStepMoreFun · 06/01/2019 21:05

I work freelance. One night a prospective client rang up and DS1 (2 but very chatty) answered. When they asked if they could speak to me he said, 'No, she's doin' a poo.' It wasn't even true!

BedraggledBlitz · 06/01/2019 21:06

My son shows a keen interest in whether I've had a "big poo" whenever I return from a toilet visit.

BlueJava · 06/01/2019 21:07

We were coming back from London on a packed commuter train - standing room only. My twin DS were maybe 4yo, they were squashed in, i remember it was summer and really hot. Suddenly one piped up really loudly "Mummy, why are that lady's shoes too small?" I looked down and their only view was of a woman's feet whose toes were hanging over the end of a sandals with the straps cutting into her feet. I asked them distracting questions, I told them to shush... but periodically they'd pipe up "But why Mummy?" "Her toes aren't on her shoes Mummy". Never have I been so glad to get off the train! I briefly apologised to the woman for their personal comments but felt awful.

Subtlecheese · 06/01/2019 21:10

Well my completely potty trained 3 year old climbed up onto the railing of a bridge over the canAl and weed over the side. Whilst I was pulling him down, so he weed on my lovely new walking boots, trousers etc. On a lovely bank holiday weekend in May once, walkers, boaters etc all laughed their socks off. Around 11am. There were hours left of that day. Hopefully no one took a picture. I was mortified and generally I don't get in a flap.

Soubriquet · 06/01/2019 21:10

“Mummy, why have you got a hairy minnie” yelled my 5 year old when she walked in the bathroom one day. So lucky it wasn’t in public as that was embarrassing enough....

Even worse when she came in one day and “oh my god, Mummy you’re bleeding! Are you ok? Why are you bleeding?” And almost crying

I have explained periods to her but it’s obvious she didn’t really understand. Think I’ll have to carry on explaining

JudasPrudy · 06/01/2019 21:14

Putting my darling 19 month old PFB to bed tonight, he lifted his little leg to climb into bed and I decided to sniff his bum in case he had done a poo in the last 5 minutes since I changed his nappy. He chose that exact moment to let a big ripper blast straight into my face as I inhaled deeply. Turns out I don't even mind the smell of his stinky little bum

rach2713 · 06/01/2019 21:17

When my daughter was younger I use to tap her shoulder to get her to sleep at night one day I picked her up from nursery and she was feeling tired was speaking to teacher she came up and says take me home and smack me to sleep I had to explain I don't smack her just tap her the teacher was laughing I was mortified lol.

My second daughter is just over 2 so her words aren't the best was out at the shop and all a I hear is (big cock) meaning big truck have had to stop her saying daddies truck 😂.

Onescaredmuma · 06/01/2019 21:20

So many to choose from dd2 for the longest time couldn't pronounce S instead said Sh she insisted on shouting shit at our friends dog while pointing at the floor (she was going for sit)

Karlakitten1 · 06/01/2019 21:20

End of my period and in a public toilet... Mummy, why have you got poo in your pants? (it was dark blood) and also had the why are you bleeding question too.. She is 3! Also the why is your Foo Foo hairy question in a public toilet. She also inspects them and if there are any marks she doesn't like it and loudly asks why someone left poo on there.

Another funny one...i think daddy needs a little bra. I howled at that one!

Karlakitten1 · 06/01/2019 21:21

Inspects the toilet... If that wasn't clear...

Stormwhale · 06/01/2019 21:22

There was the time when toddler dd opened the toilet door while I was on the toilet. The toilet door opened straight out to the rest of the cafe.

rockchickchickyrock · 06/01/2019 21:25

My 4 year old DS slammed his hand down on a ketchup sachet in a restaurant, bursting the end and shooting ketchup directly into some poor mans eyes on the table next to us. Mortified!

SlackerMum1 · 06/01/2019 21:26

DD1 faffing about at DMs house early one morning - heads over to the recycling box and comes out with an empty wine bottle and crisp packet and loudly proclaims ‘daddy’ to the assembled company. I laughed! DH feels cheated as wine is a mummy thing, he’s much more into beer!

Littlecaf · 06/01/2019 21:29

Today in Tescos toilets..... DS3 “Mummy, are you doing a poo?” “no darling” “Mummy, yes you are, it’s smells”.

Giggles all round.

(I wasn’t, the loo just smelt anyway!)

iklboo · 06/01/2019 21:29

At a huge wedding reception . DS (about 4) announced he needed the toilet so DH took him. A few minutes later he comes trundling back and hollers from the other side of the room:

'It's OK mummy. I didn't need a poo after all. It was just a big trump'

Just as the MC had called for silence for the entrance of the bride and groom.

Luckily they thought it was hilarious

BusyMum47 · 06/01/2019 21:33

Oh, where to start?!

One of my faves was when my 2yr old unexpectedly & completely bared his nether region in the middle of the frozen food aisle in Tesco once - apparently he was suddenly overcome with the urge to check what picture was on that day's pair of pants! (Full volume from behind me, while I'm delving for a bag of peas..."Look, mummy - it's a yellow digger!")

GlassSuppers · 06/01/2019 21:34

Another toilet one here!

DD is 2 and is recently potty trained. Took her to the toilet while shopping as she'd said she needed a wee.

Got in there and shut the door and sat her on the loo when the lady next to us did a poo and we heard it land.
Of corse DD heard and she said "did you hear that mommy? What was that noise?" I said I didn't know and to hurry up with her wee wee. She sat there going "plop plop plop" then she went "eww YUCK!! It smells!!!"

The poor woman didn't come out until we'd gone and I don't blame her either!

dottycat123 · 06/01/2019 21:35

At a soft play centre when ds2 was just out of nappies. It was summer so wearing shorts, there was a big slide which allowed about 5 children to go down at a time, he went down the slide and left a huge thick shit streak behind him. Many children followed sliding through the shit or putting their hands in it. Parents began to realize something was wrong as shit covered children emerged. The soft play had to be shut for cleaning, I never admitted it was my ds who was responsible and left pretty quickly.

Mumofboys95 · 06/01/2019 21:40

When my ds was about 1 or 2 years old we where in a shop and there was only us and another woman she had a dress on with black tights and ds ran up behind her and started rubbing her legs because he liked the feeling of tights and she got the biggest fright

pineapplepenthouse · 06/01/2019 21:40

When my daughter was about two I was in Boots looking at all the different Fake Tans and I turned around and she was sat in the floor pulling a pack of panty liners out of the packet. Worst thing was they were scented as she was sniffing them saying ‘mmmm smell nice’

JohnWolfenstein · 06/01/2019 21:41

DH used to play a pretend version of trivial pursuit with DD aged about 2 at the time. He'd make up easy questions like what is Peppa's brother called? What colour is the sky? That kind of thing.

Father's Day arrives and she brings home a card from nursery. Inside they've written what I like to do with my daddy. DD's card says- I like playing grown up games with daddy.

I had to phone them up and explain. Luckily they believed me and were rather relieved!!

DD also has form for asking awkward questions at awkward times. In a silent train carriage- how does the sperm actually get to the egg mummy? At toddler group- is that your baby hole mummy? In a playground surrounded by other small children and their parents around Easter time- so Jesus was crucified, what does that mean? So I ended up explaining crucifixion to a 4 year old and a 6 year old who wouldn't be fobbed off with a noncommittal answer! It's great that they're curious, but bloody hell it's awkward sometimes!

KarmaStar · 06/01/2019 21:45

Wedding;little bridesmaids left at church doors as bride arrives.told to stay there and not move.
Music starts,bride ready to walk down the aisle.
Little girls refuse to walk because "mummy said we were to stay here"
Lots of cajoling,nothing worked,they were adamant they were sticking to their instructions despite dress rehearsals and knowing bride well.
In the end their very flustered mum had to run up the aisle under everyone's scrutiny to persuade the little ones in,delayed the wedding ten minutes!

Another child was rooting around upstairs whilst mum was talking with her parents and grandparents who had come for dinner.child comes down with some saucy underwear in her hands and shows it to the family saying "mum!I found the dog's collar in your bedroom!!"
apparently the silence went on until the mum jumped up to 'check on the dinner(neck a glass of wine)😃

Hoppinggreen · 06/01/2019 21:45

DS told my mum that “Daddy has a big willy” - I suppose compared to his it is
My very posh and proper Mother replied with “lucky Mummy”

Inbigtroublenow · 06/01/2019 21:50

My then 2 year old playing in a big sand pit at very middle class garden centre. She goes off to hide so I instantly know what she’s up to but she’s too far away to do much about it. After a few minutes she comes to me and I say “have you don’t a poo”?
She replies “yes” and proceeds to pull her pants down. A humongous turd falls out of her pants and lands like a cow pat next two very yummy mummies just finishing their lunch.

To top it off she had shit on all her clothes (how?) and her change of clothes were in the car. So, I had to borrow my friends toddlers spare underwear and her babies 6-9 month jumper. She looked like something off the Las Vegas strip.

I was mortified at the time but it’s so bloody funny to think of it now.

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