To ask for your embarrassing toddler moments that would be hilarious if they happened to some one else

[Tmtiger]

I am writing a comedy novel and want a few scenes where the perfectionist mothers attempts to get everything perfect are completely cut down by her children in humiliating or ridiculous ways.

Would you mind sharing your stories a) for everyone to have a chuckle and b)to perhaps get me out of my writer's block

My 3 year old loved giving presents at Christmas but didn't quite understand about them being a surprise. She would hand over the present and then proudly announce what was inside.
For my nephew, I wrapped a copy of the Guinness book of records, a Hex bug and a chocolate emoji lollipop.
3 year old hands it over and says excitedly "This is for you. It is a poo on a stick!"

My friends were doing the French supermarket thing with twins. One started peeing so Mum rushed off to change wet toddler in the toilet. Dad was left with other twin but she disappeared.

She was quickly found in a nearby camping display where she was happily doing a large poo in the corner inside a tent.

One of my dc was an early talker and unfortunately pronounced words VERY clearly. In my wisdom I had decided that when she asked about private parts, I would teach her the correct term for each, to prevent confusion when she was older.

She was very pleased with herself when she worked out that men had penises even under their clothes. She went through a phase which lasted forever, during which she often used to point at the groin of some man or other and exclaim, "Penis?!" delightedly.

Walking into our little market town we pass lots of old terraced houses. Once we went past one as a lady came out. DS (3) said "that lady has a very big front door". (which she did). Then he said "that's because she's so FAT!!". I was mortified. She never turned round so I can only hope she didn't hear. Me and DS had a lengthy chat about his unkind words but I fear he wasn't listening...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1301196-If-my-3yo-had-access-to-AIBU?msgid=27421933

For those who haven't seen the above classic - cutted up pear and all...

@dottycat123 it wasn't called Play Valley was it?

Couple of years ago, I'd been out the back door talking to the window cleaner. Front door locked, baby asleep, dts (3.5) are watching tv, 10yo upstairs, all is fine. I'm only just out the back, and was less than 5 minutes.
Come back in and dts announces he'd spoke to a "nice lady" on the phone. Who? I asked. Don't know, replies dts. She wanted to speak to you or daddy, so I told her you were all out and it was just me in all on my own.
Dialed 1471, to get the generic nhs number. So, it could have been anyone at all in nhs Scotland. Fuck.
Next day, knock on the door. There's the health visitor. I called yesterday, she says, but apparently there was no-one in except ds! Luckily, I've known her for a long time, and she accepted my explanation. Dread to think what might have happened had it been someone else!

This was actually me.

On a bus brushing my Barbie's hair, aged about 3/4. A lady turns around and says "oh what a beautiful doll!" To which I reply "yes and you are ugly!" Dm died of embarrassment.

Then there was the time I slapped an elderly lady on the hand in a card shop. I told her to "look with her eyes and not with her hands". My own dd (3) did almost the same thing (sans slap thank god!) at a Christmas market last month. Cringe.

Dsis was babysitting ds when he was about 18m. She opened the fridge in her kitchen to get the bottle of milk out and ds spotted a bottle of wine in the fridge door. Excitedly points at it and says: "Mummy!!"

We went to a camp where each child had a chance to perform something of their choice in front of the fire. 4yo dc belted out "Nellie the Elephant" with great gusto. She didn't know all the verses very well, and somehow got stuck in a loop with it. Every time you thought she'd surely finished, she began again: "...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh NELLY the ELEPHANT packed her TRUNK and said GOODBYE to the CIRCUS!"

Everyone waited patiently for her to wind down, but after a number of repetitions it seemed we were no closer to the end. I beckoned to her. She ignored me. People began to snicker and look at each other, wondering what to do. In the pause at the end of a verse, someone began to applaud wildly before she could start up again with "ohhhhhhh..." Others joined in, and made it a standing ovation just to be on the safe side.

She put her hands on her hips, glared at the lot of them, and declared, "I'm not FINISHED yet!!!" And with that she was off again: " ...ohhhh Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus!"

Oh these have made me laugh!

DD age 2 at a family party with the ‘posh’ side of the family. We are in a hotel having a celebratory meal. She announced to the table that mummy has a hairy bum

DD aged 2.5, I had just split up with my ex. My lovely child free friend with a very professional job (Engineer) turns up with her new boyfriend. This was the first time I had met him. I was a wreck but they brought food, cooked in my kitchen and fed us both. I went to clear the plates and made a drink and we were chatting in the kitchen. Cake out to find DD had removed her bottoms, plastered herself, her Baby Annabelle and my chocolate brown fabric sofa in nearly and entire tub of sudocrem!

Out for the day at Chester Zoo, DD (still only about 2) we have stopped at the ice cream stall and she has an ice lolly. She then announces she needs a wee. We are miles from the nearest loo, but I am prepared! I have a portapotty with me, so I assemble it and she sits happily at the edge of the table area with her ice lolly. The tables are all full. It then becomes apparent that she is having a poo complete with windy noises! She is completely unfazed watching the antelopes!

Another one was when we were chatting whilst in town and she pipes up with “its penis isn’t it mummy”. I said “what is?”. She obviously thinks I haven’t heard her so repeats it louder. And I say yes I heard you what is? She says “the flying horse”!! She meant Pegasus .
I did get a few funny looks though

Someone fainted in front of us when DS1 was about 3. Loads of people crowd round to help. DS1, with the nonchalance of a serial killer, steps OVER the person on the floor, looks them up and down, says very loudly and with not a hint of emotion "Oh, they're dead, come on, Mummy" and walks off.

When DS was little he needed a wee in a big department store and as I was distracted looking for the toilets I didn’t notice he had already pulled his pants down ready and was walking through the store with his willy out!

Oh and potty trained (so no nappy) DC2 had explosive diarhea in Boots. In the middle of the shop floor. I didn't have a changing bag. And it was summer, he was in shorts which didn't hold it. It was all over the floor and the trail followed my walk of shame to the car with him.

We were at a christening and the Aunt of the christenee was having another baby so wasn't there. Vicar says something to the toddler / preschooler about another baby in the family and toddler says 'Mummy says she isn't having anymore. We are QUITE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH'

My 2 yr old boy used to scream and point "tractor" or "digger" every time we went last an elderly person on a mobility vehicle 😂

Marking this thread!! Lol

My daddy is a big fat liar
Why?
Cos of the nasty poo smell. He said it was the dog.....We don't even HAVE a dog.

My then three year old step son asked to go the toilet in a restaurant. Partner took him. They came back. Stepson loudly and proudly announced to the entire restaurant that he’d done a wee in the toilet and then daddy did one too. Cue laughter and me and daddy wanting to curl up and die of embarrassment.

My lovely old next door neighbour once came around for a cuppa. She was very old with liver spots, moles and some hairs on her chin. My lovely daughter looked right into her eyes and said "you look like a witch". I was utterly mortified but she was lovely and just said "I do don't I". She was such a lovely lady. Sadly gone now.

Shamelessly place marking

DC1 got a “genuine imitation” plastic Porsche pedal car for Christmas. I explained that Mummy and Daddy had asked Santa to bring it. But it turned out this must have been a little bit confusing for her.

On Boxing Day, we were making friends with a little girl and her mum in the local park. The chat was going so nicely, until DC announced, “my mummy’s got a really huge Porsche!”

My DS was about 4 and was staying over at his granny and grandad's. He walked into the room he was sleeping in which wasn't quite ready and loudly announced 'nanny this room's a fucking mess'.

Clearly I had no idea where he'd picked up that kind of language

My DD 4 says lots of funny things, but I can't seem to remember them at the moment. One that sticks in my mind, I'm not 100% sure is true, as she told me this happened. She was at school and trumped, some one asked who had trumped and my DD responded with "It was me I fart like my daddy". The headmistress also told me that one time my DD was in the school toilets shouting "is anyone in here?" At the top of her voice. I still have a lot of time with my DS yet as he is 1.

I’ve been trying to explain to my DD (17 months) that there’s a baby in my belly. She’s going to be a big sister! She knows that she is a baby too. So yesterday, when my DH was introducing her to someone new who was dropping by the house, she pointed at herself and said “baby”... and then pointed at my somewhat rotund DH’s belly and also said “baby”. Our poor visitor didn’t quite know how to respond!