To ask for your embarrassing toddler moments that would be hilarious if they happened to some one else

[Tmtiger]

I am writing a comedy novel and want a few scenes where the perfectionist mothers attempts to get everything perfect are completely cut down by her children in humiliating or ridiculous ways.

Would you mind sharing your stories a) for everyone to have a chuckle and b)to perhaps get me out of my writer's block

I’m in hysterics reading these!!!!

On a bus in South London with my then three year old, and it's Sunday so lots of folks from the local African community are in their robes to attend church.

An African gentleman was walking down the street outside the bus and we were sat near an African lady, looking fab in her outfit. But my daughter asks loudly, "Mummy, why has that man not changed from his pyjamas?" I almost died on the spot, but the African lady couldn't stop laughing. "It's alright, my darling, " she reassured me. "I can see what she means."

My husband watched a cockney gamgster type film with ds in the room. We went to
Sainsburys. A man asked us to wash the car. Toddler replied ‘No thanks you mug!’
Ffs.

I was reading the "that's not my monkey " book to my son in the library. We got to the "that's not my monkey his eyebrows are too hairy" page with a gorilla on and my son very loudly points to the page and shouts "dada"

Not 2 but when my Dd was 3 we went to a party in a small church hall, in a built up part of town and they had one of those awful party entertainers. She sat them all in a circle and asked them if anyone knew any jokes - rewarding them with sweets if they did. I felt immediate dread when Dd stuck her hand up as she doesn't get jokes but was making out she had one, so the lady picks her and hands her the microphone and she says "my mummy does a poo on the loo". . Great. For completeness it was a very well to do party and the walls of the church hall were paper thin and everyone knew who her mummy was and duly turned around to laugh at me.

On phone to new employer, sorting out when to bring in some docs etc before starting. 11am and still in pjs because I’m a lazy bum. Explain to person on the phone that they may hear 4 yo DS singing in the background. “Oh how sweet”, she says. DS then comes in and shouts “put your clothes on Mummy!!” Complete and utter silence from other end of phone.

In the toilets at Tesco with DD aged 3

She's sat on the toilet "It's not coming out yet mummy" then "here it is, here's my weewee"

Walk out of the cubicle after wiping her etc.

She turns to the woman at the sink next to us and says "I win at weeing did you know? Mummy couldn't do one"

I was on a bus with my eldest son who was aged about 2 and half, I played games such as I Spy with him during journeys but because he was so little it was I Spy colours, so I said I Spy something brown, he looked all around and pointed at a black gentleman and piped up that man is brown, the guy was brilliant about it but I was mortified.

DS went into a toilet with DH when we were out somewere, when they came back out he announced 'Daddy has a willy beard'

Oh I've loved reading these!

My DS, 3, pursed his lips and blew on my bare thigh while I was sitting on a public loo. Sounded like the biggest fart ever and I was so ashamed!

😂😂😂

My 3 year old had limited experience of different ethnicities - pretty much limited to occasionally still being up when we had a takeaway delivered. One day an Asian delivery driver from amazon arrived and he asked him if he had poppadoms

Selfridges toilets over the Christmas break (so of course it's heaving!).
DS(2) needs a wee so we stand in the queue, by the time we get to the front I'm also busting. He goes first, I stand him up so I can go. Big mistake. Turns out the toilet doors are quite far away from the toilet and my leg wasn't long enough to keep the doors closed.
DS makes a bolt for it to get back to his dad (and toys) with me chasing behind him trying to pull my tights up at the same time.

I've always been honest and correct with terms for body parts with my girls. My eldest when she was about 4/5 asked why boys and girls are different. So I told her girls have vaginas and boys have a penis. She seems content with this answer and riddled off to play football.
Later in the week while we were at the park feeding the ducks and wearing off energy, she started to point at other people in the park and loudly say 'look mummy he'sa boy he must have a penis' 'mum there's a girls she's got a vagina'
I cringed and we walked very quickly back home!

Walking past library DS 1 (2 yrs old) points and asks to "get books" - I feel so, so, so smug! In library DS 1 is very taken by DVDs but as we don't have them in the house (we watch TV and do streaming/downloads so never bothered with DVD player) doesn't get they can't be read. Boxes are sealed so I can't open them to show him, so just try to explain that "Mummy can't" and try to distract him with books. This fails as he approaches other adults in library with DVD asking them to "read please" as obviously his mother is an idiot and can't manage it. And they must be thinking who is this parent with a child who wants them to read a DVD to him. The shame...

When DD rummaged through another mums bag at playgroup without me realising and then walked round triumphantly brandishing the sanitary towels she had found. Cue me frantically apologising.

When DN went with my DB to somone's house they vaguely knew to buy something from them. DN apparently wandered off and came back holding the woman's vibrator he had found next to her bed.

In a supermarket checkout queue with a trolley full of shopping which I had just started to load onto the belt when toddler dd who was sitting in the seat of the trolley talking to my mum (who wasn't looking at her at the time)she suddenly shouted out "look grandma I've got one" she had a huge bogey on her fingertip, there was a lot of laughter from other people in the queue, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me and mum cool as a cucumber whipped a tissue out of her pocket, wiped dd's finger and said "well done, can you breathe better now?"

When my sister was six, she was meant to be one of four inn keepers in the Nativity play. The first three were supposed to refuse room at the inn and the fourth offer the stable. My sister was number 3. On the night, the boy playing number four didn't turn up but no one noticed until the play had started. The children playing Mary and Joseph were a bit older and figured that they would just treat my sister as number 4, hinting loudly with "What about your stable". My sister was having none of it, repeatedly saying no before shouting FOR FUCKS SAKE, JUST BUGGER OFF in front of the entire audience. She then ran off stage, back to me and our parents, just so people knew whose she was.
It is my earliest memory.

I really don’t find mine very funny, as it was awful. DD1 had not long been talking and was picking up a lot of words, she must have between 18m-2y. We lived in a big town near London.

Her dad had given her a sweet cuddly toy monkey (which she still loves now 14 yrs later) and I had been teaching her the word monkey. I know that it was just a random moment and not specific as she was so little but in a local One Stop buying some bits DD in pram she starts shouting MONKEY MONKEY. Whole queue of people turned around to look and many of them were black. Staring at me and DD.

I literally dropped the loaf of bread and got out of that shop as fast as I could because she would not stop saying it over and over

Dc was sort-of toilet trained, but couldn't wait very long once she realised she needed the loo. We were out in town when she announced she needed the toilet.

Like other parents, I knew the location of every public toilet and every shop around which might let you use their staff toilet if you asked nicely. There wasn't one anywhere near. Not even a park with bushes to hide behind. Not even a tree. "Can you wait a bit?" I asked. No, she could not. So I told her to crouch over the gutter. It would be a bit embarrassing, but needs must. Better than wetting herself.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be a poo.

DS in his buggy when he was 3, getting off the bus, stuck his hand up his trouser leg and pulled out a pair of dirty pants. He waved them at the woman driver, and triumphantly shouted, ‘they’re my pants.’

DS, when he was 3 again, sitting in the trolley seat at the checkout in Tesco, turned to the cashier and announced very loudly, ‘daddy is a bastard.’ He’s right, but I was mortified.

When DD was small she toddled out of the front door one day, where I was chatting to our neighbours. "Say hello to Mary and Jim" I said. DD gave a winning smile and said "hello Mary. Hello daddy." I still laugh when I see him now, although I was mortified at the time!

When DS was learning to talk he made some funny mispronunciations. So Bing was 'bitch', clock was 'cock', Baa Baa Black Sheep was 'bapbap bat shit' and so on. Fine until one day nursery tells me he's been saying what sounds like a racist word for Pakistani. I was horrified, thinking the staff thought he'd picked up racist slurs at home. Thankfully turns out they were reassuring me that if I heard him saying it at home, not to worry... he was actually trying to say his friend's name - Mikey

A bathroom and kitchen showroom many years ago. Eldest daughter about three with young baby. Talking to shop assistant about shower cubicles when little voice pipes up from about 20 foot away. “I’ve finished and I’ve done a pooh”. Aforementioned daughter had used the display lavatory and was telling the world. MUst be quite a common occurrence, I guess.

Son about three or four in Church. Digging around in my bag for goodness knows what. I ignore him but quickly realise he’s made a tampon mouse with the sweetest face and blue tail and is merrily squeaking it along the pews all around us, much to the amusement of other members of the congregation.

Visiting a relative who had a much smaller house than ours.
4 year old son says to relative ..... where is the rest of your house ?