To think this punishment for five year old is ok even though mum disagrees

[Wigwambam10]

My well behaved five year old who has always gone to bed great has suddenly turned into a nightmare. We do before bed ok, getting into pjs fine, teeth fine and then it starts. Tantrums kicking out screaming.

We have tried to reason with him and I have had chats to see if anything is bothering him at night.

He is kicking and hitting but laughing when he does it. It’s come on over the last three weeks. He is fine during the day.

We have tried taking away screen time, toys, sweets etc but nothing is helping.

Now school starts tomorrow and he loves breakfast club which you don’t have to book on. I have told him tonight until he behaves at night there is no breakfast club the next day after he kicks off.

My mum says this is harsh.
What do you think and do you have any tips to help.

Sounds good to me. A direct consequence of him misbehaving and easy to understand.

I used to have a rule that if DD kicked off at bedtime, the next night bedtime was 30 mins earlier. Only ever had to enforce it once every few months and it worked like a charm rest of time.

I don't punish.

Don't use it.

Bedtyimes are always happy times.

The bedtime rules ‘rolled’ too so 2 nights kickoff meant an hour earlier. I stuck to it and she never needed more that one early night.

Bedtimes were happy times here as well till three weeks ago

If this has just come on in the last three weeks do you think it might be Xmas related? Could he just be extra tired and maybe need to go a bit earlier? Only asking as that is how mine behave when they are. Loss of breakfast club sounds fine as a consequence though.

I think it sounds perfect

I am thinking the same Taytotots. It’s finding something to break the cycle. Once it is broken and he goes to bed ok once I think he will be ok.

PS I have a similar aged child who was a pain for the first week of the holidays. Too much excitement and you might find he will calm down as soon as he's back in his routine anyway x

Tried earlier he literally just kicks off to the point he will seriously damage himself or something or me

Sounds very sensible. At 5 he’s old enough to understand about behaviour and consequences.

Sounds fine to me.

So presumably if you are not sending your child to breakfast club someone (his mum perhaps?) will have to find the time and food to feed him before he leave the house. I suspect this creates more work for someone and it isn't you! Food and bed times should not be used as punishments.

Are you sure there's nothing else going on? For a usually well behaved child to start behaving this way suggests something causing it. Usually under aggression is fear. Regarding the laughter - what kind of laughter? Kind of wild? Again nerves etc ... I've had this with mine and there's been 'something' bothering them, have got to bottom of that and then low and behold behaviour improvement. So not being unreasonable to hold consequences but I'd be curious as to the sudden change....

Does he respond to the threat? If he’s able to control his behaviour when he doesn’t like the consequences, then I think it’s totally fine. He’s just choosing to be naughty rather than being frightened or overtired.

As far as the happy bedtime thing goes... a happy child is usually a child with clear boundaries and a firm bedtime. Don’t be afraid to parent. It’s not abuse.

Sorry misread/understood and thought this was being written by a dad and it was the child's mum who thought it was harsh, not yours.
But the rest stands. Food should not be used in punishments.

Wigwam if he tantrums warn him about breakfast club and then walk out of the bedroom and leave him to it.

I am making sure I am talking to him and keep asking if something is wrong. I am also going to ask a teacher to keep an eye on him and let me know if their is any changes if behavoir at school.

I am his mum and making a slice of toast is really not that big a deal.

Sorry if I was not clear I meant my mum (grandma it son) disapproves

When he’s back at school hopefully old routine will kick in and business as usual. Fingers crossed for you!

I think it's fine. It's direct and relatable to the misbehaviour.

Agree that something is bothering him though. Any sudden change in behaviour is generally a result of something. Possibly overtired due to lack of routine over Xmas?

So presumably if you are not sending your child to breakfast club someone (his mum perhaps?) will have to find the time and food to feed him before he leave the house. I suspect this creates more work for someone and it isn't you!

Wigwam is the Mum. If they were the Dad, they would have been sure to inform us that they were a man.

It’s not the food that he loves going for, they play football outside before class. It’s that he would miss not the breakfast itself

Sorry Ally, cross posted

That sounds a good idea. And perfectly fair, entI rely old enough to understand cause and effect.

I am shocked at the lack of personal boundaries some people have. It is perfectly OK to discipline at bedtime (or anytime) as it also very important to demonstrate to your child that hitting anyone is not acceptable even (possibly especially) when they just think it is a joke.
You need some self respect. Letting your child hit you because you think that's what "gentle" or "respectful" parenting means will not win some parenting award.

Come off it the OP is not threatening to withhold breakfast! It’s the club that the kid will have to miss. That is not using food as a punishment! And how is going to bed at a child’s normal bedtime a punishment?!

It’s the laughing that is getting to me. It’s like he enjoys hurting me.

He is so loving and caring during the day and then bam I am fighting him off while staying calm myself.
He even said “smack me mummy ha ha” I have never rasied a finger to him