To think this punishment for five year old is ok even though mum disagrees

[Wigwambam10]

My well behaved five year old who has always gone to bed great has suddenly turned into a nightmare. We do before bed ok, getting into pjs fine, teeth fine and then it starts. Tantrums kicking out screaming.

We have tried to reason with him and I have had chats to see if anything is bothering him at night.

He is kicking and hitting but laughing when he does it. It’s come on over the last three weeks. He is fine during the day.

We have tried taking away screen time, toys, sweets etc but nothing is helping.

Now school starts tomorrow and he loves breakfast club which you don’t have to book on. I have told him tonight until he behaves at night there is no breakfast club the next day after he kicks off.

My mum says this is harsh.
What do you think and do you have any tips to help.

Spoke to soon. tonight we are just as bad. So again been told no breakfast club and grandma and grandad will not be picking him up from school tomorrow as usual on a wednesday.

The threats aren’t working - better to have a think about the cause! I bet he’s exhausted and is messing about as a result.

Those of you who say you simply leave the room if your child is rude or aggressive - and then what? When I try this with my DS, also 5, he just follows me out the room/downstairs and continues hitting/kicking arguing. If I impose a punishment he then spends ages shrieking 'sorry sorry sorry I'll never do it again'. It's like he doesnt get it. What on earth do you do when they do this?

If threats aren't working hoping the punishment could rapidly get you into a negative cycle. Plus with the school pick up he will have all day to be miserable about a drawn out punishment. Don't assume that at 5 he will accept this is the consequence of his behaviour/choice. He might just end up feeling hurt and angry and be more difficult as a result.

Is there anywhere he can be left to tantrum safely and not rewarded with attention for the drama at night?

Sometimes it takes a few times of the consequence happening for it to sink in. Give it a few days more OP as to stop now makes him know your word means nothing.

The only place I can leave DS to tantrum is the garden, where I can lock the patio doors against him. I do this in the daytime but not at night in midwinter!

Sounds overtired to me. Try bringing everything forward 30 mins or an hour and see how it goes.

DS is 5 and has been playing up at bedtime the last few weeks too. Tummy aches, needing another hug, that sort of thing.

I've started to give him a hot water bottle to cuddle against after his story and put music on in his room and it's helped. It's definitely worse when he's overtired and seemed to be creating a cycle of not sleeping leading to more tiredness.

I think rather than threatening something for a later date it probably needs dealing with when it happens. The time of day is a red herring. Have you tried putting him in time out (or whatever you would do with this type of behaviour at any other time of day)?

That’s an odd change. In this situation I’d change the clocks at home, move bedtime forward by about 30 mins to one hour and start wind down much earlier.

Stay consistent and calm and firm. And when he goes to bed without a tantrum make a HUGE fuss over it the next day. Make sure you tell the teacher how grown up he was and praise the good behaviour. At 5 he will also be receptive to star charts. Mine at that age loved little Schleich animals and when they got 10 stars for going to bed nicely they got to go to the shop and pick one out. Is there an equivalent little thing that would motivate your DS?

Oh lord no time out with an overtired, over stimulated child. I think it would have been something out of world war Z. At this age they need calming down and winding down. It could also just be the routine of going back to school. I feel like having a tantrum and I’ve only been back at work 3 days! Can’t blame the kiddies!

Not sure if I would use a school activity as a punishment. Do you want him to learn to hate school. Also its a delayed punishment is also not ineffectual at that age.

There must be something else more appropriate?

Mess about at bedtime: no breakfast club.

Be good at bedtime: sticker. Fill sticker chart get treat.

He’s testing now to see if you really mean it. Long term.

Show him that you do.

I would avoid adding extra punishments on each time he gets it wrong. It will spiral too quickly.