To be convinced they think I'm a thief

[Bagofworries]

Went shopping yesterday. Same shop as always. Self scan as usual.
Dh picks up some oil for his work van and nips through the self service checkout.
He plonked the oil in my trolley and went off to browse at some tools. I carried on.
Got to the checkout and dh hadn't appeared yet. Got stopped for a random check.
Assistant picked the oil up and I told her that dh had already paid for that at the self service tills. I had watched him.
Assistant asked me if i had the receipt. I didnt. She asked which till was it. Was it the only item that was purchased. Did he use a Clubcard?
I honestly didn't know the answers. I couldn't see DH anywhere at this point.
Assistant called over supervisor who said they could check the tills if I knew which one he had gone through. I didn't.
At this point, I began to sweat profusely and began panicking that they thought I had attempted to steal the oil.
I told the supervisor that in light of not being able to produce a receipt, I would pay for the item again, because at this point, I just wanted to get away from the customers all looking at me and get out of the store.
I was looking all around me for DH but he was nowhere to be seen. I was absolutely mortified.
I insisted on paying again. I didn't much care about the money at this point. I was sweating so much.
The supervisor offered to speak to the store manager about it, but all I could focus on was that I didn't have a bloody receipt.
I just kept insisting I was happy to pay for it again, and the supervisor said if I was happy to do so, that was fine.
He watched me pay for the bloody oil and I left the store to find DH back at the car waiting for me.
He offered to go back into the store but by this point I didn't care about the money, I just wanted to go home.
We had planned to go for lunch straight after but I lost my appetite.
I have shopped here for years with no problems at all. Now I feel like I never want to set foot in the store again!!
I am not blaming the staff at all. It was my and dh mistake completely.
But AIBU to never want to set foot in there again because I am convinced they believe i attempted to steal the oil and never ever let dh come shopping anywhere with me again?

They won't have checked the CCTV. They don't do that unless there's need to. You've paid for the item, so there's no need to.

You need to go with your DH. Face your fears and sort it out. Otherwise the Security Guard, Staff etc won't make the connection.

You do need to get help over your anxiety.

Well, you made yourself look like a thief by offering to pay for it again

Sorry - but I agree with this. You could have asked someone to come out with you if necessary to find your DH (and the receipt) - but your DH was an idiot leaving you with an item your trolley that you didn't have a receipt for.

Also - I would have gone back WITH the receipt and shown them that the oil had been paid for. You can't blame the shop staff - you and your DH acted foolishly.

Your big mistake was letting DH put an item he had paid for in the bloody self-scan trolley of all places!!!!! Not even a normal trolley. But then none of this story makes sense. Why woukd he buy oil for his work van separately and then after that put it in the trolleyvwith the family shopping that is still to be paid for? Normal under those circumstances people keep an item with them usually with the receipt in their hand.

The thing is, even if DH comes back to the shop to show them 2 receipts, there is stil the possibility in their eyes that his receipt was actually for a bottle of oil that he left the shop with. And the receipt in your situation could have actually have been a second one that you tried to get out of paying for.

2 receipts don’t really prove anything, do they?

Jeez so much judgement.
OP, that sounds horrible all round. I hope you feel able to go back there soon.

Seems a strange way to handle the situation, hopefully you’ll get the cash back tomorrow.

Word of warning, your scan and shop might be checked in full every time you go into the store now for a few months. I had a transaction freeze once and they had to restore it to another till. They warned me it could put a flag on my account. I got 'chosen' for ages after

I'm confused of why your husband would pay for it when you were already shopping, surely you'd pay for it anyway?

Nobody will care. Your anxiety is fucking you up, and it's all in your head.

Go back in with the two reciepts, say what happened, and get your money back.

Continue to shop there with your head held high. You've done nothing wrong, and no-one is looking.

It’s not judgement, it just sounds a hell of a mess that OP got herself in and No-one wants that to happen to her again. So people are pointing out what she needs to do in that situation as it clearly wasn’t obvious to OP.

Personally I would have taken the oil out and asked them to keep it at the customer service desk as my DH had already paid for it bht gone off with the receipt. I would have paid for the rest of the shopping, taken it to the car, told DH that they wouldn’t let me leave with the oil so he needed to go and colllevt it from customer services with the receipt.

Job done.

I always have DH leave the receipt for me when he does this and have it ready in my hand to show because I have a double buggy and people always think you are a thief in that case because it’s so easy to hide things inside.

So the person most at fault here is him.

And then you offered to pay for it which compounds their suspicions. Tbh if you want to shop there again and feel comfortable I think you’ll have to go back with him and the two receipts and explain. You’ll always be looking over your shoulder.

Your husband’s an idiot.
Can you shop online? Or just send DH on his own to do the shop? Then when the embarrassment dies down, you can consider whether you want to do a shop or whether the new system gives you more time for yourself!

Personally I would have taken the oil out and asked them to keep it at the customer service desk as my DH had already paid for it bht gone off with the receipt. I would have paid for the rest of the shopping, taken it to the car, told DH that they wouldn’t let me leave with the oil so he needed to go and colllevt it from customer services with the receipt.

This.

Why are people shitting on the husband? OP didn't realise it would be a problem, either. Someone doesn't always have to be to blame!

Your husband is an idiot.
Why did he put the oil in your trolley with unpaid for goods then waltz out of the shop with the receipt?

I'd ask him do all the shopping from now on.

You can't really expect the store to accept your story that the goods in your trolley are actually already paid for - if it was that easy everybody would do it! I agree with pp that you seem to have done your best to persuade the store that you did steal it but no harm done! Try and forget about it and don't do it again! I actually did the opposite the other day - told the shop assistant that I had already paid for something which I hadn't! I realised when I got out of the shop and went back in and paid - she was amazed I came back as I had already "got away with it"!

I'm guessing DH needed a separate receipt as it was a work item to be claimed as an expense at tax time (and reclaim the VAT.) Not impossible to do with a mixed receipt of personal and business items, but it's simpler to just hand one receipt to your accountant rather than crossing out the entire household shop.

It was silly not to give Op the receipt, obviously, but a mistake many of us could make without thinking about it - because none of us expect to be having to defend ourselves for shoplifting!

OP I get you with the anxiety. I miscalculated the funds in my bank account last week and had to put half my shopping back when i got to the checkout. I was almost crying with embarrassment and it seriously made me think I should shop somewhere else.

Then I gave my head a wobble, told myself that there was a very limited number of staff who witnessed it and chances are I'll never bump into them again.

You'll be fine

The store's data will show how many items of oil were in stock and how many sold in the time that OP was in the shop. Also card details for payment of oil that DH paid for. DH should have taken oil with him.

I would have left it at the till after paying for the other shopping and sent DH in with the receipt. It’s done now! Send him back for a refund.

Why did your dh put it back in the trolley instead of carrying it with him? Wtf did you both expect to happen? Why didn't he look at the tools before going off to pay?

And why leave the store instead of coming to find you? What if you were stood in the shop waiting for him?

none of us expect to be having to defend ourselves for shoplifting! I always expect this because I have anxiety also. I can’t honestly say I’d have let him walk off without giving me the receipt or just mentioning to the security guard that it was already paid for and just flashing the receipt so he knew. And round here, if people have single unbagged items in their trolleys, they usually do get asked to produce a receipt.

I always have DH leave the receipt for me when he does this and have it ready in my hand to show because I have a double buggy and people always think you are a thief in that case because it’s so easy to hide things inside.
Your husband buys things then gives them to you to carry when you have shopping and a double buggy to handle?

It was silly not to give Op the receipt, obviously, but a mistake many of us could make without thinking about it - because none of us expect to be having to defend ourselves for shoplifting!

If someone puts an already paid for item into a shopping trolley full of scanned item as I have yet to run through the tills, I absolutely would expect to have to defend myself for shoplifting. I think most of us could reasonably expect that.

I suffer from anxiety too and know how it could cause you to make a stupid mistake in a difficult situation. Anxiety isn't always logical, you know you made a mistake.

Last week I bought some clothing in the supermarket and it didn't occur to me in the moment that there might be tags in them so I set the alarms off. It felt like everyone was looking at me, the store employee apologised and said she forgot to take the tags off despite knowing i had clothing. I just had to produce the receipts to prove it was all paid for - the whole thing only took a few minutes - but having people staring in a very busy store and being on the spot was embarassing. When you suffer from anxiety these sorts of things do make you want to disappear or not return to the scene again so I empathise. I'd also go back with your DH and receipts and try to get a refund and then the staff will be aware you were telling the truth.

Yes Yabbers. Things that are difficult to hold when carrying the rest of the shopping but easy to put in the basket of a double buggy like a multibox of 12 baby wipes or 2 large bags of size 5 nappies.

Things that equally could look “stashed” by someone on the rob.

@IamPickleRick

Ahh, that makes sense. I was picturing you loaded up with stuff and him waltzing off 😱

(Was going to make a crackerjack “drop something and you get a cabbage but realised that would seriously age me) 😄

There's no such thing as getting stopped for a random check, they thought you were stealing. Why didn't he have the reciept with you or take the oil with him. You should've gone back in to show his reciept not paid twice.