To say no to this? Please help!

[Honeypothouse]

So have NC for this,

I recently ended a relationship, I was in this for around a year and a half,we met online if that is relevant. Thing's were going well but a few thing's were bothering me as such we talk and he ended the relationship and said it wasnt what he wanted anymore because I wouldn't admit my wrongs, mainly

• I wasn't affectionate enough
• I didn't make plans including him enough
• I didn't text him first enough

The list goes on,most of which wasn't even true.. this just made me glad the relationship had come to an end. The thing is I have a 3 year old child, i work full time and I honestly felt I was doing okay at everything. He had met my DC and his parents had met my DC a couple of times. Now the point of the post, he ended things on December 21st. I got on with things and plodded on, yesterday i recieved an email from him breaking down how much he and his parents had apparently spent on my DC for presents, they have never bought her anything before, or asked what shes into or give any indication they were buying her gifts, now suddenly bewtween them they've apparently spent around £200 they expect me to pay back? I haven't even replied but tbh his mum is quite loud and scary,im quite worried she may turn up over this, does anybody have any advice? He has now said he has reasons to be worried over the safety of my child and picked holes in my parenting. He knows i have quite recently gone back onto antidepressants and this seems to be his main point. I have no reason to be scared of him or his family in a violence way they are just quitle loud and outspoken and I've heard how they have treated other people thats making me worry. Its just all such a mess

Sorry if there is spelling/grammar errors im just a little panicky

Thank you again for all of the replies. I have made my parents aware of everything thats been said and sent my mum the screenshots i have. I have agreed to report him IF things were to get any worse, my parents have blocked him too and are happy for me to go stay there if I feel uneasy, but im fairly sure after sitting thinking that's what he wants a reaction,to make me feel like this, i feel a lot better than I did when i posted this.

First day back at work tomorrow so trying to focus on that and a fresh start rather than negatives.

Brilliant Honeypothouse. All the best.

Hope you’re feeling OK OP. I would be very anxious about escalations just as you are, and if it makes you feel better to log this with the police then you should. I would also reach out to your support network, family, friends, and tell them what is happening and that you’re feeling a bit scared.
Constant ringing of the phone would trigger my anxiety, I’d want to turn it off but also not because it’s the link to others. I’d definitely consider changing your number just to get peace from the calls.

What CF! Block and ignore.

Ah cross post, well done OP

Good luck Honeypot I hope it doesn't escalate, but it sounds like you have a plan if it does.

Block. Let phone go to answer machine if unsure who is calling. If calls become menacing keep a record and make police aware.
Don't give any money to them, they are perfectly capable or returning gifts if they bought anything, but it's unlikely they did anyway.
Don't kow tow to the bullies, be strong.

It is a bit odd. I mean he ended it with you. Most folks just walk away at that point, why is he coming after you? Usually that occurs when one is dumped, not when one is the dumpee.

He sounds mentally unstable op. And an unpleasant person.

I doubt that any presents were bought, tbh. He's trying to scare/harass/get money from you. Don't give him a penny.

This makes absolutely no sense! He hasn't even given you the presents?!! Ignore them. If they wanted to buy presents, that was their choice to make and not your responsibility if they went and bought expensive ones. Not to mention how low and petty it is asking money back for presents. Where's the Christmas spirit??

I think you are being punished for not begging him to take you back and promising to do better.

Stay strong. I bob into Mumsnet classics when I need a distraction. The fridge that got religion is still my favourite.

I totally missed religion fridge...there’s my Sunday night sorted

Oh what awful, awful people OP. I am so glad you're shot of him. What a mean thing to do, and hope you're ok

It is a bit odd. I mean he ended it with you. Most folks just walk away at that point, why is he coming after you?

I think this chap likes his women walking on eggshells and falling over themselves to please him, and op was probably not sufficiently servile. I think the dumping was a power play to get her begging for one last chance so she’d thereafter feel like she was on the back foot in the relationship. The person who gives (or seems to give) the least amount of fucks is always the one with the power. This man wanted to be op’s number one priority in life, judging by the things he moaned at her about, which is super chilling given she has a child.

Honeypothouse that's great you've told your parents. What an arsehole he is. And you've the whole lot of MN supporting you too. Xx

I advise reporting to the police since I think this will escalate yet

My reply would be 'pull the other one'

Well done op. I don’t believe any presents were bought let alone £200 worth. He is just using it as an excuse to keep in contact with you.

Hope you've had a good first day back at work and the silent phone calls have stopped. You're doing the right thing by blocking and ignoring him.

To those saying it makes no sense because he dumped her.
Manipulation at it's finest.
Dump partner and wait for her to beg a few hours/day later
Op ignored him so he has come up with a BS reason to instigate contact. The idea being that she will then think damn I miss him.
The silent calls - she was supposed to run to him to save her from the calls
there will also be left property at someone's homes.
Someone came knocking. Maybe some mail has come.

The goal is basically op is supposed to beg him back which will be used against her during an argument to control more.