Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To say no to this? Please help!

145 replies

Honeypothouse · 06/01/2019 14:57

So have NC for this,

I recently ended a relationship, I was in this for around a year and a half,we met online if that is relevant. Thing's were going well but a few thing's were bothering me as such we talk and he ended the relationship and said it wasnt what he wanted anymore because I wouldn't admit my wrongs, mainly

I wasn't affectionate enough
I didn't make plans including him enough
I didn't text him first enough

The list goes on,most of which wasn't even true.. this just made me glad the relationship had come to an end. The thing is I have a 3 year old child, i work full time and I honestly felt I was doing okay at everything. He had met my DC and his parents had met my DC a couple of times. Now the point of the post, he ended things on December 21st. I got on with things and plodded on, yesterday i recieved an email from him breaking down how much he and his parents had apparently spent on my DC for presents, they have never bought her anything before, or asked what shes into or give any indication they were buying her gifts, now suddenly bewtween them they've apparently spent around £200 they expect me to pay back? I haven't even replied but tbh his mum is quite loud and scary,im quite worried she may turn up over this, does anybody have any advice? He has now said he has reasons to be worried over the safety of my child and picked holes in my parenting. He knows i have quite recently gone back onto antidepressants and this seems to be his main point. I have no reason to be scared of him or his family in a violence way they are just quitle loud and outspoken and I've heard how they have treated other people thats making me worry. Its just all such a mess

Sorry if there is spelling/grammar errors im just a little panicky

OP posts:

HermioneWeasley · 06/01/2019 16:22

Screenshot then block and ignore.

Have a lovely time without this arsehole in your life

CarolDanvers · 06/01/2019 16:23

This actually made me laugh, in a shocked way. What a tool! Agree he’s trying to keep some kind of control over you. Lucky escape there. Make sure your friend explains to the friendship group the reality of this “owed” money. I’d think he was a total prick if I heard that.

CottonTailRabbit · 06/01/2019 16:23

Block and ignore. Them being loud only affects you if you put yourself in earshot.

Honeyroar · 06/01/2019 16:29

I would reply telling him that
(A) You never knew he/they were buying anything.
(B) He dumped you and chose when to do it.
(C) No presents were ever given to your child from them.
(D) They can return anything they bought.
(E) If they've left it too late to return things that's their fault.
(F) They can sell anything not returnable.
(G) This issue is nothing to do with you.
(H) You do not want any further contact from him.
(I) Any more demands/threats/nasty comments about your parenting will be passed on to a solicitor.

And if they do continue, I would spend the money on a solicitors letter telling them to cease and desist. Don't take any hassle from him. His parents probably don't know anything about it.

Lovemusic33 · 06/01/2019 16:32

Don’t even reply. Take a screen shot of what he has said and block him. Sounds like you had a lucky escape. They hadn’t even given your dc the gifts so how can the even suggest you owe them anything? You have nothing of there’s, they chose to buy the gifts, they can take them back or sell them, it’s not your problem.

MrsGarethSouthgate · 06/01/2019 16:33

Ourmaud - read the OP again. It's not extortion, it's a request for money which isn't conditional on anything. The comments made in relation to Social Services are not related to the request for money.

Logging things that people don't agree with or that upsets them is very much not the job of the police. No crime has been committed yet.

If the situation escalates in the future then it may become a police matter but at this stage it is not.

Block and ignore is appropriate at this stage.

AppleBlossomArseCheeks · 06/01/2019 16:36

Block and ignore. He has no right of any such demands. This is truly shocking behaviour.

You had a very lucky escape, keep running for the hills op

HeebieJeebies456 · 06/01/2019 16:40

Just forward his email to your friends and let them judge for themselves

Original poster

Honeypothouse · 06/01/2019 16:43

I would probably give into demands for money IF things were to esculate yes, hence me asking for advice. I have no issue admitting on here that I am very weak and would give in to be left alone. He probably knows this and that's why hes sent the email.
Thank you for everybodys replies. I have had him blocked on social media, I do now keep getting private number silent phone calls now though.

OP posts:

Cheerbear23 · 06/01/2019 16:47

You do not owe him one penny.
He’s trying it on, trying to punish you, if he keeps up with the messages don’t pay him, tell him he’s harassing you and you will report him to the police.
Like a PP said IF the presents even exist any normal person would return to the shop for a refund, but I doubt these presents even exist.

Ourmaud · 06/01/2019 16:48

Report him to the police. If you give in to this demand then how many more times will he come back harassing you until you give in for an easy life- are you just going to remain his piggy bank?
He’s an abuser and you should definitely report him- the police will help you.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/01/2019 16:48

Don't reply. It'll only escalate things. He's looking for a response from you (fear, anger, whatever), not money.

Keep copies of all messages. Notify police of any threatening ones

Block him and family members on all SM platforms

Be sure your 'mutual' friend knows the truth. If you feel it wise, ask this friend to notify you IF she hears him making threats against you. But otherwise, you don't want to hear about his shit.

Be sure you ask this friend to NOT tell him anything about you & your life. You'd think this would go without saying, but it should be said.

woollyheart · 06/01/2019 16:49

Just ignore him. He probably hasn't spent anything on presents and is just bullying you. Even if he had spent money on presents that weren't needed, it is completely unreasonable to expect to be paid back.

TougheningUp · 06/01/2019 16:51

Whatever you do, don't give him any money no matter what he says. You don't owe him anything and if you do give him money now you'll never be rid of him.

I do think you should tell him not to contact you again. And then block and ignore. It's the only way.

gamerchick · 06/01/2019 16:53

OP DO NOT give him money under any circumstances. Print out the email and visit your local police station. Tell them everything on top like silent phone calls, not receiving any gifts for your child etc. Ask them to have a quiet word about leaving you alone.

Usually this is all it takes to silence a bully. You NEED to stand up for yourself on this.

If you pay him it might just drag on and on with you being harassed at every turn.

Inertia · 06/01/2019 16:57

I would send one message before completely blocking, to say that you do not owe him money and he is responsible for returning any gifts his family may have bought; in addition, you want no further contact of any kind from him, and if he contacts you again you will consider it harassment and report it to the police.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 06/01/2019 16:57

Agree with gamerchick do not engage directly wuth him but ask the police to have a chat with him. Do not answer the private number callls.

TitsNnails · 06/01/2019 16:58

OP, I've just done my food shopping. I'm not giving it to you, but you need to pay for it.

That's literally how rediculous his demand is.
Contact the police and get him done for harrassment.

Bluntness100 · 06/01/2019 17:02

Jesus, he's blackmailing uou for cash. Fuck me, do they sink any lower.

Don't give in to him, what if he keeps blackmailing you. And what's to stop him trying to report you even if you did pay him.

You know what to do to a bully don't you, tell him to fuck right off. And if he's spiteful enough to report you, social services will know immediately it's an arsehol ex, it's fine to be on anti depressants, half the bloody population is.

Block whatever number he is calling you from, block him on your phone, and if he turns up at your house call the police.

HopefullyAnonymous · 06/01/2019 17:03

Call 101?! MN is an odd place sometimes. Last night we struggled to resource a mass brawl, a vulnerable teenage misper and an ongoing domestic involving an elderly person because every single officer was already tied up with something more urgent. Do people really think we have spare officers or even PCSOs for something like this?! Madness.

OP, if his behaviour escalates or continues and therefore becomes harassment then yes that’s the time to get us involved. It is not currently a police matter. Block and ignore.

HopefullyAnonymous · 06/01/2019 17:03

NB this was just in the town where I work. Not nationwide.

theworldistoosmall · 06/01/2019 17:04

I would email him once

I have no idea what you are talking about. My child didn't receive any gifts from you or your family. I would suggest that these gifts be returned to the stores they were purchased from.
I don't wish to discuss this or anything else with you. Any more contact from either you or your family will be dealt with as harassment.
I am also making a request that you stop slandering my name by making accusations to people about money. We both know I don't owe you a thing for these gifts.

Then block him and follow through if he makes contact after this.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 06/01/2019 17:04

OP: do NOT give in to any demands for money. If you pay, he will shortly be back for more, again insinuating that you are a bad parent. The time to stand up to him is now.

Dragongirl10 · 06/01/2019 17:05

Op DO NOT ENGAGE YOU DON'T OWE HIM ANYTHING...
Mant, many posters have told you yet you say you would pay him if he persued this....don't you realise that is only going to keep him coming back??

You have dodged a massive bullet by ending this relationship.

If he tries to harrass you further, call the police and report for Stalking.

theworldistoosmall · 06/01/2019 17:06

And depression.
I have depression amongst other things. Social services don't give a shit. Don't let this tosser blackmail and/or harass you.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread