To say no to this? Please help!

[Honeypothouse]

So have NC for this,

I recently ended a relationship, I was in this for around a year and a half,we met online if that is relevant. Thing's were going well but a few thing's were bothering me as such we talk and he ended the relationship and said it wasnt what he wanted anymore because I wouldn't admit my wrongs, mainly

• I wasn't affectionate enough
• I didn't make plans including him enough
• I didn't text him first enough

The list goes on,most of which wasn't even true.. this just made me glad the relationship had come to an end. The thing is I have a 3 year old child, i work full time and I honestly felt I was doing okay at everything. He had met my DC and his parents had met my DC a couple of times. Now the point of the post, he ended things on December 21st. I got on with things and plodded on, yesterday i recieved an email from him breaking down how much he and his parents had apparently spent on my DC for presents, they have never bought her anything before, or asked what shes into or give any indication they were buying her gifts, now suddenly bewtween them they've apparently spent around £200 they expect me to pay back? I haven't even replied but tbh his mum is quite loud and scary,im quite worried she may turn up over this, does anybody have any advice? He has now said he has reasons to be worried over the safety of my child and picked holes in my parenting. He knows i have quite recently gone back onto antidepressants and this seems to be his main point. I have no reason to be scared of him or his family in a violence way they are just quitle loud and outspoken and I've heard how they have treated other people thats making me worry. Its just all such a mess

Sorry if there is spelling/grammar errors im just a little panicky

I'd be willing to bet a good number of social workers are on anti depressants tbh, they won't give a shit. They are also pretty used to malicious complaints unfortunately.
Keep the evidence, block and move on.

But if you block his number you won't need to give into his demands. You asked for advice it's been given . We can't make you a stronger person , tbh he's trying it on because he knows you are weak , show him you are NOT .
If it was me I'd txt him back and say nice try mate , but you just block his number!!!

Block his number and ignore any calls from numbers you don't know. If theyre legit, they'll leave a message.

He'll be getting a kick out of every call you answer. Listening to a ringtone is pretty boring.

I realise that many,many pisters have told me not to. Those posters arent alone in a house with a child feeling like i currently am though.
I am not going to pay him anything. I have screenshot everything i could use on him IF the time came that I needed to.

Blocked him and his family on social media and their phone numbers from contacting me, the private number calls im sure will end when the caller gets bored of being ignored. Thank you so much for all of your helpful replies, I was quite hesitant to post but I am really glad that I did.

Reading everything back he has actually given me the best thing and thats to be rid and just concentrate on me and my DC.
Thank you again

Don't be daft, OP, you can't go giving him money just because he says you should. If he is harassing you to demand money from you then you should go to the police, no matter what the previous poster says.

He will get board -“like a cat with a dead mouse’

Block ignore and carry on as who I were

Do not pay him. He is not asking for money because he thinks you owe him, it is an excuse to carry on controlling you. If you give in, he will continue harassing you about something else, I promise!

Re the silent calls, you can contact your phone company - they will have a dedicated team for handling nuisance calls and they can help - they may even be able to trace the caller to stop them contacting you again.

OP, If he does come to your door, don't answer it. If he starts making a scene, call the police.

But I agree with getting it to your mutual friend/s that he's trying to get money out of you that you don't owe.

"Yes, he text me to say he felt i owed him for presents he and his family apparently bought for X for Christmas but never actually gave her as we broke up before Xmas. Bizarre I know. Why they are badgering me I don’t know when any normal person would just return them to the shop and get their money back. Looks like I dodged a bullet.”

This seems a good message to use, to me.

I would even change my telephone number too, don't give him a penny, he sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work.

So basically he's demanding money. The present thing is just a word he's thrown in to cover up that he is demanding money, maybe with menaces. I think you need to log this on 101 as a previous poster said.

I would log it with 101 as well.

And text your friend the suggested message. It's perfect. I'd throw in you're receiving a lot of anonymous phone calls all of a sudden, so you're logging it with the police as harassment.

I am also making a request that you stop slandering my name by making accusations to people about money

That's a good point World - these snide comments could well amount to slander. (VERYunlikely it would be worth you taking him to court though, Honeypot - but it's something to bear in mind.)

He is not asking for money because he thinks you owe him, it is an excuse to carry on controlling you.

Spot on!

If you genuinely feel threatened - not just a bit fed up, or sick of dealing with it - then please CONTACT THE POLICE.

They won't mind if there is a genuine threat/ worry/ concern. It's their job.

I realise that many,many pisters have told me not to. Those posters arent alone in a house with a child feeling like i currently am though.

I'm sorry you're feeling vulnerable, OP. I hope having so many of us advising you to not pay him has made you feel a bit stronger. You're so much better off without this man in your life. Just stick to your guns. You can do this!

If you hear anything else from him regarding this, after blocking then you do need to consider involving the police. PPs can minimise all they want but potential financial abuse, extortion and harassment are police matters. Do NOT give in to him in any case.

I realise that many,many pisters have told me not to. Those posters arent alone in a house with a child feeling like i currently am though

I have to deal with a man like this - I am alone in a house with a (his) child and often feel as you do. In my situation, if I engage at all, I open the door to a barrage of unpleasant communication.

You are doing the right thing to block all social media, and not answer any "private numbers" or numbers you don't recognise. If you accidentally take a call from him or his family, hang up without engaging.

Block and ignore, please don't engage, it won't go well. You're the only person who knows whether you do or don't owe him anything and it sounds like you're comfortable that you're in the right.

The comment about your child's safety may be a veiled threat to try to extract the money from you. Do you feel like he has any reason to be concerned for your child, could there be anything he has seen or over exaggerated or is this also completely fictional? As for the friendship group, make sure you have a one line answer to anything anyone says and repeat it whenever anyone asks so the message is clear.

Keep a record of all communication of course, but do not respond at all. Sorry to hear he's done this, the last thing you need.

BlancheM is right.

If you are genuinely frightened of what he or his family may do - report it.

Op if you haven't already done so I think you should make sure that some RL friends know what's going on here. Not for the purpose of any big eastenders style confrontation but because he's already been dripping poison to others and it would be good to have people who know the truth and, if there is any gossip when you're not around, could put people straight. He might even back off if he realises others are aware of his behaviour - cowardly bullies like him don't want others to know what they're really like.

If you do go to the police and they speak to him then the fact that others know what he's been doing means he won't get away with the 'woman scorned' narrative that he might otherwise try to spin.

@HopefullyAnonymous think we are shouting into the abyss

We are not saying don't report should the situation escalate. We are saying based on the information that was given in the OP, it's not yet a police matter.

So many people complain at police response times, time taken to answer 101 calls etc. There is a finite number of officers available, something that seems to be easily forgotten when the opportunity to call out for something to 'be logged, just in case' arises on here.

for you OP. You've had a lucky escape.

That's not for you to decide, mrs. Please don't try to deter people from reporting abuse. Most of us know that police cuts will have directly affected local forces and will have tales of woeful call out times ect but that doesn't make any one of us qualified to say who can and cannot report escalating concerns.

If the situation escalates and you get any harrassments at your home, work or any threats then phone the police immediately. Just ignore until then and yes to telling friends what a tosser he is.