SIL wants all my baby clothes

[Peachesandcream30]

Which would be fine except:

1. we live on a different continent and it costs a bloody fortune to post them (over £50 for a small parcel) and no, she isn't offering payment!

2. her DD is less than 6 months younger than our DD so we would have to send pretty regular parcels to ensure that they actually fit her DD when they arrive... And because they're so close in age, a lot of the clothes we would be sending would still fit our DD too! So we would be sending clothes that our DD could still wear, just for the sake of sending something, iyswim.

3. She got upset because DH mentioned on a video call that I had to bin a dress of DDs because of poop explosion when poorly which had rendered the dress unwearable (had tried to wash it but still came out stained and gross) - SIL insisted that next time this happens we must sent soiled items to her? Which I'm not at all comfortable with - it seems really weird and disgusting to send filthy stained clothes back for her DD? And an absolute waste of money? I'm not a wasteful person but there are some times where baby clothes just need to be binned , as I'm sure you all know!

4. I'd kept some of DDs very special outfits like the outfit we took her home from hospital in, her 1st birthday outfit, her outfit from our wedding, and a couple of bits bought my family members which we have such happy memories of her wearing and thought it would be lovely to keep, just to look at in the future, or show her - although if I'm being honest they're basically just for me to cry into in 20 years when I'm sobbing on the sofa with a glass of wine because she's moved out for the first time to go to uni or something !). But SIL is really upset about this and says we should send all these to her DD.

I've already explained to her about a million times that it's not really practical to send the clothes and that we would be having to get rid of stuff we would still be using or want to keep which we don't have the cash to do. For the record, she is married and she and her DH are much more well off than we are. She adores DD and this is why she wants her clothes - because she loves the idea of her DD wearing our DDs stuff. Which is sweet but a bit unnecessary. She has a huge family on both ours and her DHs side with lots of other children and babies so it's not like DD is the only baby she has contact with - I suppose I just don't really understand or appreciate why it's so important to her and why she thinks that her desires for her DD to wear my DDs clothes trump our lack of money to post them or the fact that we still want most of the clothes!

DH is a bit frustrated too but thinks she's just being sweet. But I'm just getting a bit bored of having this conversation with her, and I'm starting to wonder if I am being unreasonable?

She even wants poo-stained clothing? I can't think of anything worse. Some baby stained clothing is best put in the bin ASAP preferably wearing a hazmat suit!

She's not being sweet, she's being extremely rude. On the upside she's a long way away. Be firm. You have put away special items in a keepsake box, those aren't available, and sorry it's not practical or affordable to send the rest. If she gets all stompy and childlike then that's her issue, not yours!

There is a saying on MN which applies here.
"No is a complete sentence "

On posts like this I love it when people come up with ideas that are essentially meeting the CF half way towards their outrageous and batshit suggestion. This is how CFs get so much stuff done for them! Their first offer is so ludicrous that people end up making a lesser, but still onerous, offer. Things like when people say “my Sister,/sister in law/friend/acquaintance at the school gate/random stranger wants me to look after their child 5 days a week for free, it’s enormously inconvenient and I’d have to leave my job, what shall I do?” or some other cheeky fuckery, and people suggest offering 2 days instead of 5 to appease the CF. Who won? The CF did!

The correct response is NO. Not sending a bit sometimes, buying her clothes etc, just NO.

Your SIL sounds rude and grabby. Just either tell her no or ignore it when she mentions it. How can anyone think it's ok to ask you to send over your DDs clothes when she is still wearing them

Just say no. If she lives abroad it's not as if you need to see her.

This is crazy, 6 months younger would mean to me that they are different sizes in different seasons.

Well not if they're in different hemispheres (no idea if they are).

I’d just say to her that you’ve been to the post office and the cost of sending will be way more than the items are worth so it won’t be cost effective to do so. In addition, your child is not growing out of the clothes so quickly any longer so there isn’t much in the current size to send anyway so overall it’s just not viable.

I really don’t understand how you can let tjis become a problem.
Just set aside the clothes when they are too small, take a pic and send to SIL: do you want this? If yes postage will be £xx.
Once she sends the money you post it.
Job done.

Why do people want your stuff that you haven't offered? It's madness. It's different if it's your sister who lives next door and asks politely and returns it and if she's too poor to afford her own. Otherwise, don't ask. Especially don't ask repeatedly!

She's not sweet, she's a massive CF and needs to be shut down. Tell your DH to ask her to stop harassing you.

YANBU, she’s being weird!
Ok if she’s close by, but even so it’s not that practical with only a 6 month gap as definitely the older baby won’t grow as quickly! Also you wait to be asked if you’d like some hand me downs, you don’t demand them, especially not from another continent! 😂

"Yes of course we will send them to you if you cover the postage. If not we will be giving them to charity as it'll cost us less and will benefit more!"

That should be the end of that.

She is being very selfish getting upset you sent to keep a few sentimental bits.

You need to stop it. She doesn't live with you and you aren't on her debt. She is easy enough to avoid. Just tell her your child hasn't grown a size in a while and is still wearing them. Or tell her the postage is worth more than the clothes so she's welcome to pick them up if she visits or arranges a courier. Or tell her anything you want. Just don't do it

Tell her you’ve posted a big parcel of clothes and you can’t wait for them to arrive -obviously don’t actually post anything

Message her daily and ask her if the parcel has arrived yet

When it doesn’t arrive, you get really upset and say it must have been lost in the post and all those beautiful clothes have gone, and you can’t risk sending anything else by post because you’re so so upset about the missing parcel

Oh Op don't piss about playing games-just tell her no!

This is mental. Do they not have shops where she lives? You say “no, sorry, it’s too much hassle and costs too much. They’ll be going to charity”

Honestly I can’t believe people like this exist.

Well you could just say no. Or you could be gentler, if she is difficult and say you might need them for another baby, you might have. Or if you have some stuff you don't mind getting rid of, tell her she can have them as long as she pays for a courier to collect and deliver? I send clothes to my brother's child, I keep sentimental stuff, there is a 3 year age gap, they are short of cash; so I only send stuff that has value, because the postage costs are just ridiculous (even though both countries within the EU), so hard wearing stuff like jackets, shoes, dresses/tops/pants that cost more than average. She does sound tight, so let her pay for pickup, she will soon change her tune.

Is she from a poorer country? The type of childrens clothes we have in the UK are not as cheap or even available in lots of countries.

Either ignore the requests or be firm with her. 'I'm not doing it, it's expensive, impractical and dd is in the same size clothes as your dd. I'm keeping her special outfits because I want them, end of.'

Alternatively take a shit in every piece of clothing you don't want, and send it to her. She'll soon stop asking.

Just explain that your child is small for her age so still fits in them. Or that you're saving them for the next baby.

She is weird and rude

On posts like this I love it when people come up with ideas that are essentially meeting the CF half way towards their outrageous and batshit suggestion. This is how CFs get so much stuff done for them!

THIS

What she's asking is bonkers, especially the poo thing which is the weirdest thing I've EVER heard and a nightmare waiting to happen for some poor customs person. Just say no, or keep cheap bits that you don't mind her having that she can pick up if she's over. But don't post anything, and certainly not clothes that have sentimental value or are covered in baby poop! I was lucky enough to be given lots of beautiful hand-me-downs by friends and family, but I certainly didn't ask for, let alone demand, them!!!!

SIL insisted that next time this happens we must sent soiled items to her?

She can’t insist you do anything. Stop telling her about any sort of outfits and repeat that things are too expensive to sent and then never send anything.