SIL wants all my baby clothes

[Peachesandcream30]

Which would be fine except:

1. we live on a different continent and it costs a bloody fortune to post them (over £50 for a small parcel) and no, she isn't offering payment!

2. her DD is less than 6 months younger than our DD so we would have to send pretty regular parcels to ensure that they actually fit her DD when they arrive... And because they're so close in age, a lot of the clothes we would be sending would still fit our DD too! So we would be sending clothes that our DD could still wear, just for the sake of sending something, iyswim.

3. She got upset because DH mentioned on a video call that I had to bin a dress of DDs because of poop explosion when poorly which had rendered the dress unwearable (had tried to wash it but still came out stained and gross) - SIL insisted that next time this happens we must sent soiled items to her? Which I'm not at all comfortable with - it seems really weird and disgusting to send filthy stained clothes back for her DD? And an absolute waste of money? I'm not a wasteful person but there are some times where baby clothes just need to be binned , as I'm sure you all know!

4. I'd kept some of DDs very special outfits like the outfit we took her home from hospital in, her 1st birthday outfit, her outfit from our wedding, and a couple of bits bought my family members which we have such happy memories of her wearing and thought it would be lovely to keep, just to look at in the future, or show her - although if I'm being honest they're basically just for me to cry into in 20 years when I'm sobbing on the sofa with a glass of wine because she's moved out for the first time to go to uni or something !). But SIL is really upset about this and says we should send all these to her DD.

I've already explained to her about a million times that it's not really practical to send the clothes and that we would be having to get rid of stuff we would still be using or want to keep which we don't have the cash to do. For the record, she is married and she and her DH are much more well off than we are. She adores DD and this is why she wants her clothes - because she loves the idea of her DD wearing our DDs stuff. Which is sweet but a bit unnecessary. She has a huge family on both ours and her DHs side with lots of other children and babies so it's not like DD is the only baby she has contact with - I suppose I just don't really understand or appreciate why it's so important to her and why she thinks that her desires for her DD to wear my DDs clothes trump our lack of money to post them or the fact that we still want most of the clothes!

DH is a bit frustrated too but thinks she's just being sweet. But I'm just getting a bit bored of having this conversation with her, and I'm starting to wonder if I am being unreasonable?

She sounds batty. Where does she live? Is it particularly hard or expensive to buy baby clothes?

Don’t let her pressure you in to sending things, if you want to keep something you own that is your choice.

Wait until your DD has actually grown out of a few bits and send them on (obviously nothing you want to keep for sentimental purposes). Let her know that will be £x for postage please. By that time, like you say, none of it will fit her DD and she'll finally understand what you're saying. She won't ask again.

I would just wait until you have a big bundle of your's dd's outgrown clothes and then tell her you'll send them if she pays for packing and postage. I'm sure once she spends an armload on shipping to get clothes she can only use for about two months, she'll back off and stop being so ridiculous. I'd probably make her shell out the cash first just to prove the point.

Just say no as you want to save them
For future babies , that's what I've done

DH is a bit frustrated too but thinks she's just being sweet. But I'm just getting a bit bored of having this conversation with her

Then let your Dh deal with it, he thinks she is sweet and it’s his sister not yours. Let him talk to her about it.

He can take charge of sorting out your DD clothes every few months, working of what still fits her, laundering them and posting to the other side of the world. Problem solved.

Say you'll swap them for her car.

What a weirdo.

She's mad, buy her a few babygros online and have them delivered. End of.

My SIL and I used to often buy the same clothes for our daughters, back in the days of the Mothercare and Next catalogues. Could you do something like that?

Is it anything to do with where in the world she lives and the availability of pretty baby clothes where she is? It’s the only reason I can think for why she’d be like this (apart from that she’s just a cf)

Just say they are in the same size now. They soon will be anyway

I'm confused about how having to throw out a poopy dress would just come up in conversation. Once you've resorted to discussing your laundry you're really scraping the barrel, conversation-wise!

two sides to every story, of course, but based on the information supplied SIL is being vvvu.

We regularly send massive 30kg boxes from the UK to Spain for £20. We go through parcel2go and choose the UPS option. Boxes leave the UK on Monday and arrive here on Thursday.
Just thought it might be handy info for future reference.

That's the same continent though! Parcels2go are very good though, I've used them, but they are only good from the UK IME. I also send things to a European country which is not in the EU, from one that is, it costs loads more, £50 from another continent sounds about right.
YANBU!

Flying used clothing in repeated small bundles to another continent is hardly environmentally friendly.

If you want to pass on the clothing it makes far more sense to do it locally.

Due to the small age gap it's not even worth holding on to clothing to pass on in bulk when relatives visit as she'd have outgrown anything by the time it gets passed on.

As pps have said, it's not sweet - it's very entitled behaviour to expect you to fund such a silly idea.

If it's brought up again I'd say you'll be donating the clothes to a local charity to support families who really need the clothing and can't possibly justify the cost or environmental impact of shipping clothes abroad then refuse to discuss it further.

she sounds very odd. Just say no.

Sounds like she talks about it way too much if she lives abroad and you don’t actually see her. Just don’t engage-say it’s too expensive to send the parcels. If your DH thinks it’s sweet, he can deal with it.

Next time she demands go with 'yes, I must sort some out' and don't. And when she asks again 'oh yes, I must sort some out', and the next time 'I forgot, I'll sort some out' and then 'did you not get them, I'll send more'. Just keep agreeing. Tell her what she wants to hear while doing absolutely nothing. Everything she asks you agree. It will require less effort on your part to agree than to say no multiple times, you'll enjoy the pretence, she'll think she's getting her own way. Everyone's a winner, well, except her in the long run but she'll get bored of asking. And you get to make it a game.

Does she live somewhere that's hard to buy clothes?

If so perhaps she can stock up when she visits or people can take stuff out to her when they do?

You could always say that most of them, alas, have poonami/puke/tomatoey-baby-food stains that won't come out.

TBH OP this sounds like something that's really easy to just change the subject on, vaguely say you'll send stuff but never get round to it, etc. Laugh it off. Doesn't seem like a big issue.

Next time she demands go with 'yes, I must sort some out' and don't. And when she asks again 'oh yes, I must sort some out', and the next time 'I forgot, I'll sort some out'

This. I do this all the time for things I'm supposed to do but don't really want to.

She needs to pay for postage.
Just say yes that's fine but you do realise it will cost YOU £50?

It's not sweet, it's barkin'.

I love that flying bat GIF.

Tell her that you are selling them in order to buy the next size up. If she wants to buy them from you and pay the postage then she's welcome.

Or just say that you are saving them for the next baby. Even if you are not having another one say that it's in case you change your mind.

Can't DH just solve this with her? I don't really understand threads like this. Surely SIL asking about this isn't really your problem, just get DH to deal with it. If she is only approaching you to talk about it, when he isn't there, if it's electronic (as you live in different continents), can't you just not reply?