SIL wants all my baby clothes

[Peachesandcream30]

Which would be fine except:

1. we live on a different continent and it costs a bloody fortune to post them (over £50 for a small parcel) and no, she isn't offering payment!

2. her DD is less than 6 months younger than our DD so we would have to send pretty regular parcels to ensure that they actually fit her DD when they arrive... And because they're so close in age, a lot of the clothes we would be sending would still fit our DD too! So we would be sending clothes that our DD could still wear, just for the sake of sending something, iyswim.

3. She got upset because DH mentioned on a video call that I had to bin a dress of DDs because of poop explosion when poorly which had rendered the dress unwearable (had tried to wash it but still came out stained and gross) - SIL insisted that next time this happens we must sent soiled items to her? Which I'm not at all comfortable with - it seems really weird and disgusting to send filthy stained clothes back for her DD? And an absolute waste of money? I'm not a wasteful person but there are some times where baby clothes just need to be binned , as I'm sure you all know!

4. I'd kept some of DDs very special outfits like the outfit we took her home from hospital in, her 1st birthday outfit, her outfit from our wedding, and a couple of bits bought my family members which we have such happy memories of her wearing and thought it would be lovely to keep, just to look at in the future, or show her - although if I'm being honest they're basically just for me to cry into in 20 years when I'm sobbing on the sofa with a glass of wine because she's moved out for the first time to go to uni or something !). But SIL is really upset about this and says we should send all these to her DD.

I've already explained to her about a million times that it's not really practical to send the clothes and that we would be having to get rid of stuff we would still be using or want to keep which we don't have the cash to do. For the record, she is married and she and her DH are much more well off than we are. She adores DD and this is why she wants her clothes - because she loves the idea of her DD wearing our DDs stuff. Which is sweet but a bit unnecessary. She has a huge family on both ours and her DHs side with lots of other children and babies so it's not like DD is the only baby she has contact with - I suppose I just don't really understand or appreciate why it's so important to her and why she thinks that her desires for her DD to wear my DDs clothes trump our lack of money to post them or the fact that we still want most of the clothes!

DH is a bit frustrated too but thinks she's just being sweet. But I'm just getting a bit bored of having this conversation with her, and I'm starting to wonder if I am being unreasonable?

Sounds like a weirdo!

without being rude you may need to sell the good items to get money for her latest needs, i think your sil is barmy its not practical. just tell her no and she can hump all she likes. if she visits tell her youll sort something out for her big MAYBE

If she is in a country that has similar shops, Gap, Next etc. You could let her know one or two things you have bought and suggest she buys the same thing. That way the girls could wear the same clothes at the same time. She might be content with that and it wouldn't cost you penny.

@reallybadidea

Say you'll swap them for her car.

Which she has to ship over....

Why are you even having to speak to her?

Agree, tell her she can have them when she pays postage. The conversation should end there. Of course she can't have sentimental stuff, that's just silly on her behalf.

Why are you such a doormat ???

She can want all she likes. Whether she gets is a different matter.

I’d tell her I didn’t want to part with them for sentimental reasons. I have boxes of baby clothes that I won’t be parting with for that reason.

pfwow Oops didn't read that, thought it was country. Skim reading.

Just email her and outline it firmly if she keeps on

1. I'm not sending things - postage is prohibitive, and it would be too time consuming as DD's are close in age.
2. Some bits I am definitley keeping - they have sentimental value, I wouldn't give them to anyone.
3. I'm not sending soiled clothes - are you quite mad ?

She isn't being sweet - sweet is taking no for an answer which she seems unable to do.

Why are people suggesting op buys similar clothes and sends them or that she orders clothes online to be sent to sil? Op has her own child to dress and doesn't have to spend a penny on buying clothes for sil child. Just say you won't be sending clothes to her - no apology, no explanation needed. You could have another baby - do you want her sending you back shit stained clothes and expecting you to be delighted?? Put a clear stop to this nonsense now.

Say you sent a bundle. When they don't arrive act confused. Say you sent a second bundle. When they don't arrive say clearly there's no point shipping them as the post is so unreliable.

This is crazy, 6 months younger would mean to me that they are different sizes in different seasons. I never gave anything away as until I decide my baby days are finished I might need them again. Tell her it's not practical.

She's a pushy CF.

The only way this would be ok is if she had offered to pay postage in the first place and then didn't push the issue.

Being affronted over the bits you want to keep/had to bin is downright odd.

Say you sent a bundle. When they don't arrive act confused. Say you sent a second bundle. When they don't arrive say clearly there's no point shipping them as the post is so unreliable

I'd do this too

What startles me is that you have discussed with her what you do with the clothes at all - the poonami and the sentimental ones - I would just say nothing and do what I pleased. How much can she really go on at you from another continent?

Can you send her a piece every now and then? Like once a month maybe with a photo of your dd wearing it?

Printing photos and going to the post office every month to send a package abroad? That sounds like way too much hassle for me.

Just say no and let her be upset. She'll get over it.

I would tell her that as it’s the emotional attachment to DD that’s the issue, SIL can buy your DD’s next set of clothes in the next size up and post them to you. As you receive each bundle from her , you can post the previous set back.

At this point she is bound to say that in that case she might just as well buy the clothes for her own child, to which you can respond that that’s a good idea and go with that.

Can't you just say you are not wanting to part with them as saving for when you have your next child? Whether you are intending to have one or not is irrelevant.

Either that or say you will send some and having checked with the post office the cost is X which is Y in her currency. Happy to send them if she transfers the funds to your bank.

YADNBU it’s not sweet. At a minimum you don’t send clothes until your DD has outgrown them completely. You keep any special items and you tell her how much postage will be. And she pays before sending.
Agree batshit and will she post them all back for a second child?
Don’t tell her you’ve kept any outfits, tell her you’ve sent them all

I’ve found myself in a similar situation. I don’t even know what to do.

She was annoyed you didn’t send her a dress with poo on it?

I have no words...

No no and no some more. Eww

She sounds like a fucking lunatic.

I had to bin a dress of DDs because of poop explosion when poorly which had rendered the dress unwearable....... SIL insisted that next time this happens we must sent soiled items to her?
She's got issues she needs to see a doctor about!
This isn't normal behaviour and i'd speak to her partner about getting her some help.

Just tell her 'no, it just doesn't work for us....but if you want us to buy some clothes for her to send over just forward the postage'.

Then simply ignore/grey rock all further batshitness.

How bizarre. I definitely wouldn’t comply. I like the idea of suggesting she buys an outfit, which is too large for your dd to wear and you will return it when your dd has grown.

I think going down the route of your dd being small is good. My dd was always in clothes younger than her age until she reached almost 2. Between 2 and 3 she grew massively and has since always been in clothes larger than her age. I remember a particular dress age 2-3, which started well below her knees at the start of spring and was well up her thigh by the autumn.