SIL wants all my baby clothes

[Peachesandcream30]

Which would be fine except:

1. we live on a different continent and it costs a bloody fortune to post them (over £50 for a small parcel) and no, she isn't offering payment!

2. her DD is less than 6 months younger than our DD so we would have to send pretty regular parcels to ensure that they actually fit her DD when they arrive... And because they're so close in age, a lot of the clothes we would be sending would still fit our DD too! So we would be sending clothes that our DD could still wear, just for the sake of sending something, iyswim.

3. She got upset because DH mentioned on a video call that I had to bin a dress of DDs because of poop explosion when poorly which had rendered the dress unwearable (had tried to wash it but still came out stained and gross) - SIL insisted that next time this happens we must sent soiled items to her? Which I'm not at all comfortable with - it seems really weird and disgusting to send filthy stained clothes back for her DD? And an absolute waste of money? I'm not a wasteful person but there are some times where baby clothes just need to be binned , as I'm sure you all know!

4. I'd kept some of DDs very special outfits like the outfit we took her home from hospital in, her 1st birthday outfit, her outfit from our wedding, and a couple of bits bought my family members which we have such happy memories of her wearing and thought it would be lovely to keep, just to look at in the future, or show her - although if I'm being honest they're basically just for me to cry into in 20 years when I'm sobbing on the sofa with a glass of wine because she's moved out for the first time to go to uni or something !). But SIL is really upset about this and says we should send all these to her DD.

I've already explained to her about a million times that it's not really practical to send the clothes and that we would be having to get rid of stuff we would still be using or want to keep which we don't have the cash to do. For the record, she is married and she and her DH are much more well off than we are. She adores DD and this is why she wants her clothes - because she loves the idea of her DD wearing our DDs stuff. Which is sweet but a bit unnecessary. She has a huge family on both ours and her DHs side with lots of other children and babies so it's not like DD is the only baby she has contact with - I suppose I just don't really understand or appreciate why it's so important to her and why she thinks that her desires for her DD to wear my DDs clothes trump our lack of money to post them or the fact that we still want most of the clothes!

DH is a bit frustrated too but thinks she's just being sweet. But I'm just getting a bit bored of having this conversation with her, and I'm starting to wonder if I am being unreasonable?

Is she asking knowing they won't fit and selling them because they are good brands?

Fishy.

Send one text to say that you will be unable to send anymore clothes, you understand this will upset her but the circumstances are beyond your control. Too small a time frame to expensive to send, this is not a negotiation.

Obviously a lot nicer and politer

She sounds like a bit of an arse to keep going on about it when you've said no already. You could just be really blunt and tell her you don't agree with shouldering the cost/environmental impact of sending the clothes across the world and would rather donate to a local charity or whatever reasons you want. But you may have already been as blunt as you can and she is still pestering. Has she explained why she so desperately wants your DDs old things? Does she like your taste or are brands/styles she likes difficult to get where she is?

But you could find somewhere that sells the sort of things you dress your DD in that ships worldwide, then buy something for your DD and get a duplicate sent to SIL. Then she will be happy that they have the same thing and can match and you can show them each other on Skype. Maybe? She sounds a bit crazy if she even wants poonami stained stuff.

Definitely keep your special things, you never know you might have a granddaughter who can wear them one day! My DM held onto a lot of my old things and now DD can wear them, it's unbelievably sweet to compare photos of us in the same dress.

When you get a bag of stuff that DD's grown out of and you no longer want, work out the postage. Tell her what's in the bag and the sizes, and ask if she wants to pay £XX for you to send it over to her.

That way you can say "I offered you the last lot of clothes DD grew out of, and you didn't want them."

She's being annoying and weird. There are other ways of feeling close and bonded to your daughter than wearing her clothes, when it's so impractical to pass them along.

Definitely don't send the special clothes! It's very selfish of her to even ask for those!

I wouldn't send the others, either, unless she's willing to pay the postage. Even then, it's an extra hassle for you to have to get them shipped-- not to mention that your daughter might get more wear out of them...

The more I think of it, the more inclined I am to just say, "It's not possible." Either that or keep the clothes until your daughter's done with them, then send them over (if she at least helps with the postage)-- and then, if they don't fit when she gets them, it's, "Oh, what a shame! Oh, well!" until she maybe gets the point that this just doesn't make sense.

Send a message. Hi Sil, our baby has slowed down on growing the last while and she is still fitting into her clothes that are a smaller size so I’m going to have to stop sending clothes for the next while as I am using the stuff I should be sending.... and that’s that. Do not send her anymore clothes and say she is just small for her age!😁

YANBU - she sounds really weird.

Can you tell her you might need them yourselves if you have another child?

In any case you need to say no and minimise contact with the CF

Don’t do it. Just say you want to keep them. I gave mine away and I wish I’d kept them. With only 6 months between them it won’t be long before they are the same size anyway.

You are being totally reasonable. Maybe suggest her paying for postage and if it's as pricey as you say it is, maybe that'll put an end to all this very soon.

tell her you’re saving them for the next baby.
it’s weird that she so pushy and entitled about this.

It’s not your sister. It’s DH’s. He needs to say no to her. Once no has been said feel free to ignore pestering messages or hang up if she pesters over the phone.
Your child hasn’t grown out of clothes. You won’t be sending them. But the refund of £XY pounds for postage will sure help buy clothes for DC2!

I would presume that she wants to sell them on ebay or similar and as such just say no. Otherwise the the request makes no sense.

I think personally I would bag up clothes that you're getting rid of anyway, even if they would be too small for her kid. Get a hefty parcel going, take it to be weighed and then tell her you have a parcel but shell need to send X amount of coin to you first.

Then when she brings it up you can say there's a parcel there you're just waiting for the postage cost first. Then repeat yourself.

If she does, send it over and shell learn it won't fit her kid anyway and it'll be the last of it. Even if she's selling them on the postage won't be worth it.

You’re under obligation to send them. Ignore ignore ignore.

Surely a poop outfit wouldn't make it past border control? They rountinly check parcels for food, animals, money, drugs etc.

I would say no and keep saying no, still using it and when grown out of it - sorry, don't know where I put it but when I find it (and then never find it lol)

Don't send her anything. Give the clothes you don't need anymore to charity, they will probably be more grateful.

She is being ridiculous. Tell her it is not happening, not ever.

Up to you if you send them or not but this point...

1) we live on a different continent and it costs a bloody fortune to post them (over £50 for a small parcel) and no, she isn't offering payment!

We regularly send massive 30kg boxes from the UK to Spain for £20. We go through parcel2go and choose the UPS option. Boxes leave the UK on Monday and arrive here on Thursday.
Just thought it might be handy info for future reference.

Saving for the next baby works too

Say you’ll send them if she forks out for the postage, I’m sure she’ll change her tune.

Definantly keep the sentimental stuff. I got rid of something on the spur of the meoment once and regret it (dc are now teens!).

Definantly don’t send stuff which still fits your dc. That’s ridiculous that she expects that.

It’s a bit weird that she doesn’t want to buy stuff for her dc. Buying clothes is one of the best bits about having a baby,

If she goes on again, just say that you are planning to have baby no2 very soon, and have decided to eep the clothes for that. Alternatively, send one item after your dc has completely finished with it. If it’s too small for her dc, then tough luck. She may soon get the message.

No idea why she wanted the outfit covered in neon yellow poop stains either .

I would presume that she wants to sell them on ebay or similar and as such just say no. Otherwise the the request makes no sense.

I’d say this is spot on.

Does she live somewhere where UK labels are expensive or seen as desirable?

She’s...

Having now fully read your post, your SIL sounds weird and a bit of a CF tbh.

If your husband thinks that it's sweet then he can deal with it.

Can't think why either or you would entertain it at all tbh.

Telling her about the spoiled dress is only engaging with her nonsense & making it seem as if she has a claim on the clothes.

Surely the only response is to tell her not to be so daft, of course you won't be packaging stuff off, trundling to the post office & paying postage.